


Stowaway

by edensong



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Blue Balls, Cunnilingus, Daddy Kink, Dom/sub, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Kissing, Loss of Trust, Love Confessions, Negan Being Negan (Walking Dead), POV Negan (Walking Dead), Pet Names, Possessive Negan (Walking Dead), Praise Kink, Redemption, Reunions, Sexy Negan (Walking Dead), Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Smut, Starting Over, Sweet Negan (Walking Dead), Trust Issues, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:13:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 74,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21577372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edensong/pseuds/edensong
Summary: "Yeah, this girl wasn’t fooling me. I have eyes everywhere, and I sure as shit know about everything, and everyone, in this damn compound. A girl this fucking precious wouldn’t have slipped through my hands like that. No fucking way."(COMPLETED)
Relationships: Negan (Walking Dead)/Original Female Character(s), Negan (Walking Dead)/You
Comments: 196
Kudos: 296





	1. How did I get this far?

Negan knew about  _ everything  _ that went on inside the walls of the sanctuary. Everything except for you.

_ “Alright boys! Let get outta this shit hole!” A large, burly man shouted. He must be the person in charge.  _

_ You were on your own for too long. You stopped counting the months after you hit the 2 year mark, and quite frankly, you were surprised you were even still alive. You peered out from behind the old shed, watching as the men loaded the last of the supplies into their trucks. You noticed one truck was left mostly empty. Your feet started to sprint towards the empty pickup truck, and you weren’t quite sure why. Chalk it up to survival instincts. Before any men saw you, you dove into the empty pickup. There was an old tarp inside, which you quickly covered yourself with. You laid as still as possible, feeling the truck lean towards the driver side as someone got in. The engine roared to life, and you were on the move. You just hoped they were a good driver. _

_ About an hour later, you heard the sound of a heavy gate opening. The truck had slowed down. You peeked an eye out of the tarp, seeing that you were entering some sort of compound. You covered yourself up again as the truck made its way to a makeshift parking lot. The man got out of the truck quickly, and made his way in a different direction. Probably to unload the haul from the others.  _

_ When you decided it was quiet enough, you slowly sat up. You were parked in the back of what looked like an old factory. It was huge, with a dirty metallic shell. There was a huge fence surrounding it, which you hoped was there to keep the walkers out.  _

You thought back to how the hell you got here. You made your way across the yard, and slipped into a nearby garage. You could hear the sound of power tools and an air compressor. 

“Hey lady, what are you doing in here?” A short, bald man asked. 

“Oh uh, hi! I think I’m lost. I’m new here. I’m supposed to be on janitorial duty. Could you tell me where that is?” You came up with a lie on the spot. Feigning being the new girl would help you get some directions. Pretending to be on janitorial duty would help you stay behind the scenes, hopefully going unnoticed. The man narrowed his eyes, before wiping a greasy hand on his overalls and motioning for you to come with him.

He let you inside, and once you were in the hallway he pointed down it. 

“Down the hall, make a left. Go down the stairs, and the laundry room will be that way. Whoever runs the laundry room will be able to help you.” He said, his voice bordering on annoyance. 

You mumbled a quick ‘thank you’ before heading off in the direction he sent you. You came across the large laundry room, which was industrialized, obvious built for large loads. You could hear clothes bouncing around in the dryers, and the occasional sound of running water.

_ Wow okay.. Running water. I haven’t heard that in a looonng time.  _ You thought to yourself.

When a person rounded the corner, you jumped, immediately constructing your next lie.

“Hi! I’m new here. I got assigned to janitorial duty? I’m supposed to be meeting...Anna? No… that wasn’t it. Vicky? Uh…” You feigned forgetfulness, allowing the worker to fill in the blanks for you.

“..Danielle?” They asked hesitantly.

“Yes! That was it. Where can I find Danielle?”

“Go all the way back.” They smiled and walked off. 

You were on your way, hoping you could fake your assignment to this job. You didn’t really have a plan. You were making it up as you went, thankful for your ability to lie convincingly. Honestly, you were trying not to think about the fact that you could fuck all of this up and get killed. You were out in the apocalypse way too long to care about the risk. 

“Danielle?” You asked in a friendly tone.

“Yes?” A woman appeared from behind a large cart of towels. She has a head of gray, curly hair, and she was a whole head shorter than you.

“I’m new here. I got assigned to janitorial duty? I was told to speak with you.” You replied.

“Oh thank goodness!” The old woman replied. “I’ve been requesting a new worker for weeks! Come this way.” She replied joyfully.

Danielle led you into a cluttered office, where she picked up a piece of paper.

“Name?” She asked.

“Clark Newman.” You responded. It wasn’t your real name, but it’d have to do.

“Huh.. I don’t see your name on any of the time cards.” She said with a furrowed brow. 

“Oh…”  _ (shit. shit. shit.),  _ “Could it be a mistake?” I asked hesitantly.

“I suppose it could be. I’ll write a message to Negan so see if we can get this sorted out.”

Negan. That must be the leader’s name.

“Oh no! You don’t have to do that! I actually really want to meet him. I could ask him about it when I see him?” You asked, hoping that scenario was at least realistic.

“Negan is a busy man, honey. Plus, I’m not sure you’ll want to meet him. When he gets into one of his moods, he’s no fun to be around.” She warned.

“I uh.. I really look up to him! Are you sure there’s no way?” I pleaded.

Danielle looked at me with a look of warning, before thinking for a moment.

“You will be cleaning his bedroom as one of your duties. You could ask him when you go to do that, as long as he isn’t preoccupied. He  _ does not  _ like being interrupted.” She warned again.

“That’s perfect.” You responded.

Danielle showed you the ropes, introducing you to some of your coworkers, as well as showing you some of the duties you would be responsible for. Laundry collection, mopping the mess hall, cleaning Negan’s room.

You would have to think of what to do then. You hoped he wasn’t too observant, and that he won’t notice you’re a new face. You weren’t going to ask him about the time cards. Instead, you planned to return to Danielle’s office after hours and add your name onto the stack. What about when those got handed in though? Was there some sort of money system they followed here? You were bound to hit a kink in your plan at some point.  _ We’ll deal with it when it happens.  _ You thought.

Since it was pretty late, Danielle didn’t have you start on any of your duties today. She had you write out a time card to record your hours, and sent you off to dinner. You followed the crowd towards the mess hall, trying to remember the hallways as you went. You were shuffled right into line with everyone else. You reached a station where a man stood, with a paper ledger in front of him.

“ID number?” He asked. I looked at him like a deer in headlights.

“Hello?” He prodded, becoming impatient quickly. “It’s on your ID card.” He replied in an irritated voice.

“Oh uh.. I guess I forgot mine in my room.” You responded, moving out of the line to let the next person go. I guess you weren’t eating tonight. You would have to figure out where you can steal food from.

Suddenly, silence washed over the dining hall as someone entered. The doors opened, and in walked the man in charge, the same one you saw outside the gates. That must be Negan. 

Everyone slowly went silent, an air of unease washing through the room. They slowly lowered to their knees. You glanced around, moving behind a crowd of people before dropping to yours as well.

“Evening sons of bitches!” The man shouted in a baritone voice. He outstretched his arms, an award winning smile decorating his face. “I’m feeling goddamn  _ generous _ today.” He emphasized his words in a weird way, leaning back at the same time. “We had a good fuckin’ run, even got some goddamn medicine. And since I’m such a stand-up fucking guy, I think all of you deserve a free drink on the house!” Some people clapped, others cheered. Some stayed deadly quiet. Overall, the celebratory noises were dull and underwhelming.

Negan held his heart and put on a fake ‘hurt’ expression. “Now I think I deserve a little more praise than that..” He responds.

Everyone quickly claps, louder this time than the last time. 

“See you sorry fucks at the bar.” He smiles, turns on his heel, and walked out, a few of what you assumed were his inner circle, following behind him.

  
_ Okay. Calories. Alcohol is better than nothing.  _ You thought. You hadn’t eaten in hours, and could feel your stomach turning over nothing. At least you could get _something_ into your body without needing an ID number.


	2. This is where I die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Get outta that pretty head of yours, darling.” He drawled, a chuckle riding on his breath.

You followed the crowd as they moved into the bar room. There weren’t as many people as you thought inside. You were guessing that Negan wasn’t very popular among them. 

You sat at an open barstool, ordering a beer from the bartender. Beer had the most calories, so it was your best bet if you wanted to stay standing. You tried to stay under the radar, keeping your head down and leaning in on yourself while you sipped at your drink. No one approached you, so you took the time to listen in on some conversations happening around you.

Though you were trying to gain any information you could, no one had anything helpful to say. You continued to sip at your beer, feeling nauseated because your stomach was so empty. You mind started to wander, thinking about the next steps. You would need to find a way to get food. You also needed a place to sleep, since you weren’t assigned a room.

You could hear Negan sitting over by the pool table, judging by the way his deep voice carried through the room. It was almost more of a vibration than a sound. He was laughing, but there was another sound there too. A woman's laugh, shrill and over-dramatic.  _ He must be reallllyyy funny if she’s laughing like that.  _ You remarked sarcastically.

Your vision started to spin slightly, another reminder that your stomach was too empty. You had always been a lightweight, but now it was even worse. You finished off your beer, setting the glass back down at the bar. 

Suddenly, your heart skips a beat. You swear out of the corner of your eye you can see Negan, regarding you through hazel eyes. You suddenly feel too self-conscious, hopping off the barstool and trying you best to act casual as you exited the room. You could feel heat spread across your skin, anxiety causing your heart to beat quickly. You got out into the hallway, quickly making your way to the nearest stairwell. 

You vision spun more as you scurried up the stairs, hanging onto the railing so you didn’t fall. Your eyes remained on your feet, taking one step at a time until you reached the top.

The roof would be it for now. Thankfully, it wasn’t cold outside. You opened the door to the roof, taking in the stars above. It felt nice to be safe for once. There wasn’t much on the roof. Some construction supplies, a bench, and a plank of wood from what you could see. As long as it didn’t rain you would be fine up here. 

You moved to a dark corner, pulling your arms out of your black leather jacket. You bunched it up to be used as a pillow.

You could hear the heavy footfalls of a set of boots on the stairs. Suddenly, the metal door swung open, and a man stepped onto the roof. You gasped, rolling over into the darkest part of the shadows, clamping a hand over your mouth to silence yourself.

You heard him take a deep breath and sigh it out as we made his way to the roof’s edge. You heard his boots move to the edge adjacent to you. It felt safe to look, so you slowly turned your head, catching a glimpse of the man. It was Negan.

He stood looking outward, strong arms crossed over his chest. You could barely make out his figure in the darkness. He seemed to be deep in thought, occasionally running his hand over his face. You felt dirty, as if you were looking into a private part of his life. He seemed so human, standing there by himself. He stood for a few more minutes before making his way back inside.

You heard the door shut just as sleep blurred your vision. 

~~~~~~~~

The sunrise woke you up, adding a gentle light to the rooftop around you. It must have been sometime near 5:00 AM, because it was still pretty dark. You stretched for a moment, before rising to stand. You knew there were some communal bathrooms on the residential floors, so you made it your mission to find them.

Your body was already weak from the lack of food. Your hands shook slightly, and your stomach growled loudly. You snuck down the stairs, making sure no one was in the stairwell before your descent. Once you reached the third floor, you exited the stairwell and made your way down the hall. You found the bathroom at the end of the hall, hearing a few early risers shuffling around.

You groggily made your way into the bathroom, swiping an old towel off of one of the locker doors. There were a few forgotten bars of soap on the bench, so you grabbed one of those as well. You showered quickly in the cold water, thankful that anyone else was too sleepy to pay attention to you.

You had to admit, having a shower was magical. You dried off quickly, redressing in your old clothes. You were beginning to think about how stupid you were for doing this. How were you supposed to get around, completely unseen, and without having any currency? You were bound to get caught stealing at some point.

Next, you made your way to the mess hall, hoping you could find something to eat. The kitchen was already bustling, the chef and his crew cooking up breakfast.  _ Okay. Kitchen is off limits for now. No way I’m sneaking in there.  _ You thought. You stomach growled, reminding you again of your hunger.

There were a few people in the mess hall, groggily eating their breakfast.  _ Okay. Think.  _ You tried to get yourself to focus, but the hunger was really messing with you. There was an apple sitting on the edge of one person’s tray. You could snatch it if they were distracted. What was the punishment for stealing? You didn’t want to know. Head down, you moved towards your target, seeing the apple wobble on the tray as the person decided where to sit. When they paused to look around, you “accidentally” bumped into them. Their bowl of oatmeal slid off the tray, threatening to spill all over the floor. The apple tumbled off as well.

In a second, you were lunging to grab the oatmeal, letting the apple fall on the floor. 

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry, I’m such a clutz.” You apologized. Your foot flicked the apple across the floor near the trash cans.

“Shit. Be more careful next time.” They grabbed the oatmeal from you, pushing past you. You watched them walk away for a moment, before realizing your prize was sitting by the trash cans.

You walked over to where it had rolled, picking up the apple and quickly leaving the mess hall.

~~~~~~~~

After washing and eating your apple, you made your way to the lowest floor to start your cleaning duties. Everything was pretty cut and dry. You spent most of the day collecting laundry to bring downstairs. The last task, however, would prove to be a challenge.

“Last task. Barb, would you take Clark upstairs so she can help you clean Negan’s rooms?” Danielle called into the laundry room. 

“I guess. Is it my turn already?” Barb whined and rolled her eyes. She was a bit taller than you, and maybe in her 50s. Her skin was tanned, and her hair was cut short. Danielle instructed you to ask Negan about the time card error while you were up there.

As you climbed the stairs, you became increasingly panicked. What if Negan was in there? What if he called you out? Once you reached the fourth floor, you made your way to the end of the hall. Barb was quick to choose the room farthest from Negan, starting in a room down the hall. She told you which door to start at, and what to do. There was a guard out front, who didn’t pay much attention to you. You knocked on the door hesitantly.

“Enter.” Negan’s gruff voice called from the other side.

“Cleaning service.” You squeaked. He was sitting at his desk, paperwork piled in front of him, and a pair of black glasses on his nose. He didn’t look up, and only hummed in response.

You got to work, putting any disorganized items back in their places. You started dusting the surfaces the way Barb told you to. You heard the gently slap of paper hitting Negan’s desk. Your back was facing him, but you swore you could feel his eyes on you. You gulped, pretending to be absorbed in your work.

The silence broke on Negan’s deep voice, “Do I know you, sweetheart?” He asked. You couldn’t tell if his tone was suspicious, flirty, or both. A bead of sweat dripped down the small of your back.

“Uh.. I don’t think so sir. I came in with the last crowd of newcomers.” You responded quietly. Your eyes nervously bounced to his before returning to your work. 

You heard Negan sigh as he leaned back in his chair. His chin was turned up slightly, and he was regarding you from down his nose.

_ This is where I die. I knew it. I shouldn’t have done this. It doesn’t help that he’s friggin cute! Oh god.  _ Your thoughts raced. You felt your cheeks get hot as you thought about his appearance. He was an attractive man. You were sure he didn’t have a hard time with the ladies. He was much older than you, maybe in his fifties. You were 22, you thought.

“Get outta that pretty head of yours, darling.” He drawled, a chuckle riding on his breath. He returned to his work, and you didn’t feel his eyes on you again.

  
By the time you finished cleaning, you were physically and mentally exhausted. Now you had another problem. Danielle would know you didn’t talk to Negan about the time card.  _ One hour at a time.  _ You thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, first chapter with Negan! I have some really good chapters coming up, with some really ~dramatic~ Negan monologues. Thanks for reading! Please feel free to leave kudos and comments.


	3. Rain Soaked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ho-ly shit, you look like you’re about to cry! I’m not yellin’ at you sweetheart. Come here.” He responded with a light smile on his face. You stood between his open legs, much closer to him now. He craned his head down in an attempt to make you look at him. Your eyes bounced up to his nervously.

Another day passed. You managed to get another clear night, so sleeping on the roof was fine. You managed to find a small package of almonds in the trash, which you quickly took and ate. You returned to work, dodging Danielle so she wouldn’t ask about the time card. You were put on duty to clean Negan’s rooms again.

This time, you were with another coworker, who stuck you with cleaning Negan’s bedroom again. This time, Negan was sitting up in bed, a book in hand. He had those glasses on again, and was thoroughly absorbed in his book. There was a tray of fruits, cheese, and crackers next to him. 

You silently cleaned the room, most of your attention focused on the loud growling your stomach was making. You looked up when Negan cleared his throat.

“Come here.” He ordered with an upward nod. He set his book down on the side table, turning so his feet were planted on the floor next to his bed. You shyly approached him, keeping your gaze lowered. “Don’t be shy.” He coaxed, with a sing-song tone of voice. 

You were standing in front of him, just outside of his reach. His gaze was burning a hole through you, making your heart beat faster and your skin flush. 

“Hungry?” He asked, a look of amusement spreading on his features. 

You nodded, avoiding his gaze. 

“Ho-ly  _ shit _ , you look like you’re about to cry! I’m not yellin’ at you sweetheart. Come here.” He responded with a light smile on his face. You stood between his open legs, much closer to him now. He craned his head down in an attempt to make you look at him. Your eyes bounced up to his nervously.

“Sit.” He commanded gently, motioning to his knee.  _ Is he serious? I’m not sitting on his lap.  _ You thought.

“I-I’m okay.” You responded quietly.

“Holy shit, she talks! It must be my lucky day!” He exclaimed. Like flipping a switch, he was suddenly serious again. “I’m not asking doll. Sit.”

You got the message, moving to gently sit on his thigh. At this distance, you could smell the leather of his jacket. He smelled like cedarwood, earthy and masculine. He silently picked up a grape off the nearby tray, and held it to your lips. When your lips wrapped around it, you noticed his eyes darken. He gazed at your mouth, watching you chew. You haven’t had a grape in years. It was delicious, although you were sure you’d think dirt was delicious right now.

He continued to feed you silently, you eyes occasionally glancing back at him. You were embarrassed at this silent affection, but you were willing to do what kept you alive.  _ Okay, obviously he doesn’t know I’m a stowaway. If he did, he wouldn’t be doing this.  _ You thought.

~~~~~~~~

NEGAN’S POV

~~~~~~~~

Yeah, this girl wasn’t fooling me. I have eyes everywhere, and I sure as shit know about everything, and everyone, in this damn compound. A girl this fucking precious wouldn’t have slipped through my hands like that. No fucking way.

The way she’s wrapping her gorgeous lips around this fruit makes me hard as fucking steel. How the hell did she get in here? No fucking idea. Would I punish anyone else for pulling this shit? Absolutely. Hell, I could punish her too, but that’s a different fucking story. I have to figure out how to play this.

I fed her a few more pieces of fruit and some crackers. She must be starving. If she doesn’t have an ID, she’s definitely not eating. This girl must be a pretty fucking good liar to get this far though. She’s got herself in a whole damn career right under my nose. 

I finished giving her some food, and patted her on the back so she would stand up. She looked cool as a fucking cucumber, but I could see the fear in her eyes. We both stood, and I made my way over to the couch. She stood there for a minute, before I motioned for her to come sit across from me. She was so awkward, it was fucking adorable. 

“You got a name, sweetheart?” I asked.

“Clark.” She responded. Quiet as a fucking mouse. 

“Nice to meet you Clark.” I put my feet onto the coffee table between us. “You know, you got me fucking wondering Clark.” I leaned back. It was time to have some fun. “Why did I assign such a pretty lady to  _ janitorial duty _ ?” I wondered out loud. I watched her cheeks turn pink, and I wondered how pretty the rest of her body would look flushed like that. 

“Uh.. I don’t know sir. I guess it’s because there was a shortage in that department?” She asked nervously. 

I laughed out loud. “Well fuck, doll, let’s just get it clear. That’s the only fucking shortage you need to worry about.” I winked at her. This was too fun. I was scaring the fucking shit out of her. She smiled nervously again, trying to entertain me.

~~~~~~~~

OFC POV

~~~~~~~~

_ Holy shit. He has to know. Why else would he be tormenting me like this?  _ Your thoughts raced as you tried to keep calm. 

“There you go in that head again, sweetheart.” Negan chided. 

“Sorry sir.” You responded quietly.

“Get outta here, Clark. You’re dismissed.” He said playfully, waving his hand to shoo me out. 

Once you got into the hall, you had to fight not to vomit the only decent meal you’ve gotten in a while. You made your way downstairs, writing down your exit time on your makeshift timecard.

You exhaustively made you way upstairs. When you got to the metal door leading to the roof, you noticed the light pitter-patter of rain.  _ Dammit.  _

You saw a tarp up there, right? You glanced around, realizing that you thought wrong. The rain started to come down harder, bringing a chill with it. You set up the plank of wood the best you could, and crawled underneath it to seek shelter. Thankfully, there was no lightning. 

By the time you got to sleep, your clothes were soaked through, and you were shivering violently. Sleep claimed you, but it wouldn’t be restful tonight.

~~~~~~~~

NEGAN’S POV

~~~~~~~~

My boots made a metallic sound as I climbed the last staircase leading to the roof. I wasn’t going up there tonight, until I saw it was raining. Simon told me that Clark was sneaking up there to sleep. It was too damn cold tonight for that little thing to be sleeping out there. 

She’s been on the roof for what, 3 nights now? I was up there a few nights ago. She must have been up there too.

I opened the metal door, being met with fucking  _ buckets _ of rain. Shit, it really started coming down hard. I looked around, noticing a piece of wood leaning against an old drainage pipe. It was fucking dark, but I could _ just _ make out her shape underneath it. 

I moved over to it, pulling the plywood out of the way. There she was, curled up, shivering like I lost fucking puppy. I swear I could hear her whimpering. I scooped her up. She was too damn light, like a fucking feather in my arms. I tucked her head into my shoulder and carried her inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is one of my favorites so far! Negan is finally coming into view. Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are appreciated.


	4. I Scratch Your Back, You Scratch Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I say I’ve been pretty goddamn generous to you. I scratch your back,” He continues, crouching down until he’s close to your face. “You better find a good fucking way to scratch mine, sweetheart.” 

Your body was swaying. Consciousness was slowly flooding in. You could hear the distant sound of boots,  _ SHIT. The sound of boots.  _ Your body tensed as you realized you were in someone’s arms. Your eyes shot open and you twisted your body, struggling to get away. 

“Shit!” You heard a low voice curse, and then you were falling.

A few seconds until you hit the floor. You were rolling, down a flight of stairs it seemed. Your center of gravity violently jostled around as your body slammed into each stair. You hit the landing at the bottom, your head smacking into the floor as your body rolled and stopped at the opposite wall. You struggled to stand up, accepting that it wasn’t happening. You had a splitting headache, and your body was weak. Your wet hair clung to your face.

“Jesus fucking Christ Clark!” Negan rushed down the stairs, stopping to crouch next to you.

You were on your stomach, trying to lift yourself onto your elbows. Your head hung low, hair obscuring your face. The cat was out of the bag now, so might as well start on the right foot.

“That’s not my name.” You grumbled. “My name is (Y/N).” You added.

“You’re in a world of fuckin’ trouble now, sweetheart.” Negan said with a dark chuckle. “Can you stand?” He asked. His voice was even and measured.

“Yeah. Yeah! Don’t touch me.” You raised your voice as he reached to help you. You slowly came to stand on your aching feet, wobbling for a moment before collapsing onto Negan’s chest. His hands went to your elbows, holding you up.

“Easy doll.” He steadied you. “Let me carry you. We’ll talk in my office.” He sounded amused.

“Okay..” You responded quietly, giving up. He scooped you up in his arms, and finished the walk to his office. You felt an excruciating pain in your side, expecting that your ribs might be broken. He entered the room, quickly making his way to the couch, and tossing you onto it.

“OW! Negan!” You grabbed your head, screwing your eyes shut as a headache jabbed at your skull. You tried to breathe through the pain in your ribs. The severity of the situation weighed on you. The leader of this compound just found you, a stowaway. Did I mention that he carries around a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire?

You became silent, sitting up on the couch. You found Negan standing in front of you, arms crossed. He held a looming presence, intimidating you successfully. 

“I-“

“Nope.” Negan cut you off with a shake of his head. “It’s not your turn to talk, sweet cheeks.”

You sighed. Sinking down on the couch and avoiding his questioning gaze. 

“Now doll. Consider yourself lucky as a fucking duck tonight, because I’m feeling  _ unusually  _ patient.” He starts. You wince at his words, expecting a terrible punishment. 

“You didn’t fucking fool me doll. I knew you were new here right after I saw you downing that beer at the bar. Sent one of my guys to keep an eye on you. I come to find out, you just fucking inserted your pretty little ass right into life here.” He looked amused now. 

“I knew you were sleeping on the fucking roof, and let me be real honest with you doll, I was gonna fucking let you. Then I heard the rain, and gentle-fucking-man I am, I fucking go rescue you from that shit outside.”

“Now I was trying to brainstorm a punishment for you,” He pauses thoughtfully, “And then I fucking dropped you down the goddamn stairs!” He lets out a bellowing laugh. 

“So I’ll tell you what, (Y/N). I fucking like you. I think we could get along just fine.” He smiles. “And, thinking about you sneakin around here like some fucking G-I-Jane, that shit makes me hard as a fucking rock.”

“I say I’ve been pretty goddamn generous to you. I scratch your back,” He continues, crouching down until he’s close to your face. “You better find a good fucking way to scratch mine, sweetheart.” 

“W-what do you want?” You asked timidly. Negan breaks out into roaring laughter, before pausing. 

“I say we’re even IF you come have dinner with me in a few days.” His face cracks into a predatory grin.

_ What. The. Fuck? Is he hitting on you? You lie to his face multiple times, and all he wants a date? There has to be a catch.  _

“What’s the catch?” You asked defensively.

“No catch doll. You come have dinner with ol’ Negan, I expunge your little mistake. We’re all good.” He wipes his hands together dramatically from where he crouched in front of you.

“Do I get to stay here until then?” You asked hesitantly. 

“Yes you can doll. I got a nice room for you, too. I don’t think you’ve seen it yet either, so  _ consider it a surprise _ .” He says in a sing-song voice. 

“Where is it?” You ask hopefully.

He chuckles darkly. “The cells.” He smiles wide. Your heart drops. 

“W-what? I thought you said we’d be even!” You respond.

“I can’t just let you go scot free doll. I really like you, but I got a reputation to upkeep.” He looked almost sorry for you. Almost. He pauses for a moment, his eyes narrowing slightly. He brings a large hand up, barely grazing your cheek as he moves a strand of hair away from your face. Your eyes flutter slightly, before meeting his.

You could see the shades of amber that flowed within them. You were holding your breath. He leans in, lips brushing your ear, “I’ll see you in three days, sweetheart.” 

Then, he stands up and calls to the guard outside the door. “Jack!” He calls.

“Yeah boss?” The young savior replies quickly.

“Take her to the cells.” His eyes don’t leave me as Jack grabs me by the arm, and leads me out of the room. I glance back, catching his eyes one more time before the door shuts.

~~~~~~~~

NEGAN’S POV

~~~~~~~~

That was a fucking dick move. I hated doing that. I wish I didn’t have to punish her like that, but I have a reputation to keep. There are rules, and they need to be followed.

The look in eyes. If it was any other piece of shit, I’d have thought it was funny. The hope, confusion, and broken fucking trust. Jesus, maybe I’m getting soft. I need a drink. 

I sit back in my office chair, pouring myself a double whisky. Shit, I never feel bad about anything, but I feel bad about this. I don’t want to say shes fucking fragile, she sure as shit isn’t, but shes soaking fucking wet, all alone, sitting down in that cell. Like a wet fucking cat.

She must have come in on the last run, maybe in one of the truck beds. She just walked her way inside and pretended to have a fucking job. She doesn’t have an ID or any points, so it’s not like she could eat anything. She’s probably starving. Why wouldn’t she just come to the gate and fucking ask to come in? Hell, I would have let her. It’s not like we have a ton of fucking beautiful ladies around here.

I need to let off some steam. I leave my room, heading down the hall to visit one of my wives.

~~~~~~~~

OFC POV

~~~~~~~~

You are chilled to the bone. Curled up on the concrete floor, violently shaking. I hadn’t eaten since I last cleaned Negan’s room. My head and ribs were both killing me, and I could feel bruises littering my skin from when I fell on the stairs.

“Hello?” I called out into the darkness. No answer.

“Please…” You plead. “I need some dry clothes...” You whimper. You lay your head back onto the hard floor, and sleep overtakes you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AO3 has been super spotty. I really like the next chapter so I hope I'm able to get it up tomorrow. I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far!


	5. Take Care of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can take care of you.” He sighed.  
> There was a moment of silence, before you quietly responded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a beast. I couldn't find a good place to split it, so it became one huge chapter. 
> 
> This is a really sad one. I want to put out a trigger warning for forced sexual contact. Nothing extreme happens, but read at your own discretion. I love you guys <3

The next time you wake up, it’s to the sound of your cell door opening. You squint into the darkness, trying to see who’s standing there. 

“Negan?” You ask, hesitantly.

“Negan’s not here dolly.” A nasally, male voice responds. Your blood runs cold. You didn’t know this man, but you didn’t trust him already. You were in the dark, completely vulnerable.

“You want dry clothes?” He asks maliciously. You freeze up, not responding. Suddenly, his hands are on you, roughly rolling you onto your back. 

“No!” You cry. You hear the sound of a knife opening, and feel the cold edge of it against your skin. The man’s knees come on either side of you. The sound of ripping fabric sounds through the cell.

“You want dry clothes bitch!?” He shouts. 

“Stop!! Please!” You yell back. You can feel your bare skin against the concrete floor. He grabs the waist of your pants next. Ripping them down, you kick and scream. Eventually, he gets them off too, running his knife through the fabric and ripping them in half. You were left in only your underwear. 

You can feel tears running down your face. You aren’t sure if your eyes are open are closed because it’s so dark. 

The man’s hands run up your bare waist. You laid on the cold floor, completely frozen. His cold hands slowly rose towards your chest, stopping at your ribs. When he applied some pressure, you flinched and your breathing picked up. 

“Are we hurt, dolly? What’s the matter?” He asks sarcastically. He jabs his fingers into your side, pulling a scream from your lips. You can barely hear the cell door open over your screams. 

Suddenly, the weight of the man is thrown off of you, and a heavy smacking noise sounds near the wall. 

“What the fuck is going on here?!” You hear Negan’s angry, booming voice. You can make out the outline of his weapon, a baseball bat, hanging menacingly at his side. 

“B-boss! You put me in charge, I was showing the girl who’s boss!” The man stutters.

“Did I fucking tell you to do that?” His voice was measured, fearfully calm. 

“No but-“

“DID I FUCKING TELL YOU TO DO THAT?!” Negan shouts. You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. 

“No sir..” the man cowers in fear. You hear a rustling is clothing as Negan crouches next to your shaking form.

“Did he hurt you?” He asks. His voice is gentle, in stark contrast to the prior conversation. 

“H-he was sticking his fingers in my ribs.” You whimper.

You can make out Negan’s movement as he bows his head for a moment. You can hear him take a deep breath, before rising and turning to the man. 

“Keys.” He orders, holding out his hand. There is a light jingling sound, and then a grunt as Negan punches the man in his ribs. He punches him in the same spot 4 more times, leaving the man a crying mess on the floor. 

Negan crouched down next to you again, coaxing you to sit up. He took off his jacket, draping it on your naked shoulders. You were shaking violently, adrenaline coursing through you. 

You tried to stand up, groaning in pain as you did so. 

“Don’t try to stand. I got you.” Negan’s voice brought you a level of comfort. You whimpered in response. 

“I know. I got you.” He scoops up your trembling body. You curl into him, seeking warmth and safety. You were in and out of consciousness as Negan brought you through the confusing hallways. You heard a door open, and he set you down somewhere soft. Water was running now, it sounded like a bath. You felt Negan sit you up on the couch. 

“Can I take this off, sweetheart?” He was gently holding the edge of your jacket. 

You nodded, your hooded eyes looking unfocused at his face. 

“Alright, up.” He gently patted your leg. You stood on shaking legs.

He slowly pulled the jacket off, exposing your bruised skin as he went. He dropped it onto the floor, leaving you exposed in front of him. He paused to look at your ribs. He held up his hand, and you flinched as he gently brushed his knuckles against your flesh. Your skin immediately broke out in goosebumps, reacting to his touch.

“I’m sorry doll..” He sighed. You winced at the pet name. He searched your eyes for a moment, letting his hands hover above your hips near your underwear. 

He gently peeled your underwear off your hips. It was evident that he was waiting for you to stop him. You were so broken down and exhausted, that you didn’t fight him. You let him take your underwear off, so you stood naked in front of him. He grabbed a nearby blanket, draping it over your shoulders to give you some semblance of dignity. 

“Can you walk?” He asked gently, as if talking to a spooked animal. 

You took a step towards him then, eyes averted to the floor. Your legs could barely hold you up, and they were shaking violently. Negan’s calloused hands hovered near your arms, ready to catch you if you collapsed. 

When he decided you were stable on your feet, he let you into the bathroom, where there was a steaming bath waiting.

Hot. Water. You hadn’t had a hot bath in at least 2 years. You dropped the blanket from your shoulders, stepping into the warm water. Your body was shot, ribs hurting, head pounding, joints aching. The heat melted away the tension in your muscles, and you sighed. 

You heard the rustling of clothes, and you turned to Negan. He peeled his shirt off, revealing the strong body underneath. You couldn’t help but let your eyes wander to his tattooed chest, which was dusted with salt and pepper hair. 

He peeled off his jeans next, until he was wearing only his boxer shorts. You felt your cheeks flush as he looked back at you, wearing a charming smirk on his face. 

“Like something you see darlin’?” He quipped. You looked away quickly, feeling embarrassed. 

Negan grabbed a small pile of clothing off the sink. A pair of grey sweatpants and a new white t shirt. He put them on, before moving to the edge of the tub. He knelt down behind your head, wetting his hands on either side of you. He rubbed a bar of soap between his large hands, before pausing.

“Can I touch you?” His baritone voice said, close enough to your ear that you could almost feel it.

“Yeah..” You whisper. He gently lays his hands on your shoulders. He begins to massage your muscles, using the soap to ease the friction. He digs his strong fingers into your muscles, causing a small moan to spill out of your mouth. Your head dropped, giving him more space to work.

“Jesus doll, if I knew you were gonna make sounds like that I would’ve offered sooner.” He chuckled. You blushed, humming in response.

Once Negan finished his ministrations, he reached for the bar again. Setting it in your hand, he leaned into your hair, “Get yourself washed up, I’ll be right back.” You could feel his lips press lightly to the top of your head, before he stood up and exited the bathroom.

You heard his bedroom door open, and some muffled talking. You were too focused on the painful task of washing your body, so you didn’t pay attention to what was said. Negan appeared in the doorway, knocking on the frame before entering the bathroom again. 

“I called for a tray of food and a visit from Doc, he’ll be here soon.” He said.

“Okay. I think I’m okay though, I just need to eat.” You responded quietly. You moved to lift yourself out of the water, wincing in pain when pressure was applied near your ribs.

You heard Negan chuckle lightly. “Need help with that?” He asked in an amused tone.

“Yeah.. I’m sorry..” You responded. 

“No need to apologize, doll.” Negan gruffed. He came up to the side of the tub, scooping you up out of the water as if you weighed nothing. He set your feet down on the cold tile, quickly wrapping you in a warm towel. As you dried off, you noticed that Negan found anywhere else to look. He left the room, coming back with a white t shirt and a pair of boxers. When you were done drying off, he helped you step into the boxers, and pulled the shirt over your head.

You walked (more like hobbled) into the bedroom, standing in the center and waiting for Negan’s direction. He motioned towards the bed, helping you climb in and get settled in a seated position. He came around the other side, and you felt the mattress give way under his weight. He sat against the headboard the same way you were, turning his head toward you.

“You know, if you just asked I would’ve let you come with us.” He commented. 

“It happened so fast. I jumped into the truck bed, I knew I wouldn’t survive much longer on my own..I couldn’t risk you saying no.” You responded. There was no point in lying now. You were putting yourself on display. Negan made a non-committal sound, his head turning forward and his hand scratching his beard. There was a pause.

“Did you know that man would hurt me like that?” You asked. You were surprised he even heard you, your voice was so small. You turned your head to him, and his eyes met yours. 

He sounded stern now, responding, “I never would’ve put you down there with that fuckin’ prick if I did. He’ll get what’s fucking coming to him, doll.”

You nodded, looking away from him, eyes falling to your hands that rested in your lap. 

“I just don’t trust you..” It came out as a barely audible whisper. Your voice sounded utterly broken. You looked back up at him, eyes glassy with emotion.

There was a moment, where both of you just looked at eachother. Vulnerability showed in your features. Negan readjusted his head, shifting slightly closer to you. You were only a few inches from each other now. His hazel eyes dropped to your lips, and-

_ Knock knock. _

Negan sighed, dropping his head for a second. He climbed off the bed, telling the new arrival to enter.

In walked a kind looking man. He had strawberry blonde hair, worn with a part over his left eyebrow. 

“Hey… (Y/N), right?” He asked gently. You nodded.

“I heard you had a bit of a fall.. Mind if I take a look?” He asked. 

“Uh, yeah, I think I’m okay, it’s just some bruising I think..” You responded. He helped you to stand up. You slowly lifted the right side of your shirt, revealing large purple bruises around your ribs. 

“Hmm..” Doctor Carson hummed. “That looks like more than just some bruising (Y/N). Do you mind if I touch around it? I’ll try to make it painless.” You gave him the ‘OK’. His hands gently pressed along your ribs, causing you to wince in pain.

“You definitely have some broken ribs. I would say these 3, but I wouldn’t know without an x-ray. Your breathing sounds okay, so I would say you’re in the clear as long as you take it easy for the next few weeks.” You cringed at his words, although they weren’t all too surprising. 

Carson checked out the rest of your body, coming to the conclusion that the rest of the injuries were just bruising. He shined a flashlight in your eyes, letting you know you had a minor concussion as well. 

“Thanks Doc.” Negan stood a few feet from you, arms crossed over his chest. Carson nodded, before making his way out of the room. 

You immediately turned to Negan, panic evident in your voice, “Am I allowed to stay? Here, I mean.. I know I just let myself in and all, and I understand if you don’t want me here-”

“You can stay, (Y/N).” Negan chuckled, a light smile evident across his features. You sighed in relief, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. Negan came and sat next to you, leaving a small gap between your bodies.

“Where should I sleep tonight?” You asked shyly. 

“Stay here with me.” He responded.

“No. I should sleep in the bunks with everyone else.” You reply.

“Doll, you can barely fuckin’ walk. I had to help you get your goddamn shirt over your head.” He responded, wearing a look that said, ‘are you serious?’. 

You thought for a second, worrying about the implications of sleeping in Negan’s room. Your brow furrowed. 

“I swear, no funny business.” He responds, holding his hands up disarmingly and grinning, “I even got some top shelf whisky with your name on it,” he said in a sing-song voice, leaning into your ear. 

“Okay, fine,” You sighed. “I’ll take the couch.” You slowly stood up, being mindful of when you felt pain. You felt Negan’s eyes on you as you moved towards the couch. He stood up, shutting out the lamp on the far side of the room. 

You sat down on the couch, and Negan sat across from you on the other one.  During your visit with Doctor Carson, another savior came in with a tray of food. Oatmeal, dried strawberries, and a glass of orange juice. You picked at the food on the tray, trying to avoid upsetting your stomach by over-eating.

Negan retrieved a bottle of whisky from behind his desk, which he brought over and placed on the coffee table, along with two glasses. He poured two servings, before pushing one your way. You picked it up, before sitting back.

You pulled your knees up to your chest, hugging your arms around them. You sipped your whisky, feeling the burn as it slid down your throat. You and Negan sat in silence, and you weren’t sure whether it was comfortable or not. 

His eyes watched the amber liquid swirl around in his glass for a moment before they settled on you again. Your eyes were lowered, avoiding his gaze.

“I messed up doll.” He said quietly. Your eyes flicked up to meet his. You waited for him to say more. “I didn’t fuckin’ need to do that.” He shook his head slightly, eyes returning to his glass. 

This was the closest he would get to the words, ‘I’m sorry’.

“There are rules. You said it yourself.” You mumbled, looking away as well.

“I can take care of you.” He sighed.

There was a moment of silence, before you quietly responded,

“I don’t believe you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I can't believe anyone is enjoying this, so that blows my mind. I hope I continue to entertain you all, and as always, thank you for taking the time to read my work.


	6. Vengance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Carry this fucker to the main hall.” He called to the other people working in the prison unit. “And get the iron ready.” His voice was measured, and deadly calm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter! I tried to keep the second part of this one light-hearted. A little comedic relief never hurt anybody :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NEGAN’S POV

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I fucked up. I consider myself pretty goddamn self aware, so that conclusion was pretty fuckin’ obvious. She looked at me like I was a motherfuckin’ monster, and now I gotta work twice as hard to earn her fucking trust back. I didn’t say anything after she dropped that fucking bomb, what the hell could I even say? I just finished my whisky and she passed the fuck out. When she started whimpering in her sleep like some hurt kitten, my heart damn near exploded. I scooped her up and tucked her into my bed. It’s the least I could do after how much of a massive cock I’ve been.

I’m still fuckin’ awake, thinking about how fucking light her body was in my arms. Thinking about those sounds she made when I massaged her shoulders,  _ ho-ly-fuck.  _ Jesus, I was getting a fucking hard-on like some fucking teenager. She doesn’t need that shit right now. 

I need that girl to be my wife. She’s too fucking precious, and the thought of some other prick’s greasy hands on her, no fucking way.

I need a cold fucking shower.

**The Next Morning**

Negan woke at 5:30 AM, as he always did. He fell asleep on the couch, and his body was paying for that. He wasn’t exactly young and spry anymore. 

He has a lot to do today, including dealing with the asshole who attacked you yesterday. Negan had kicked the door shut, locking the guy in there. He couldn’t kill him, even though he wanted to. 

There was a warehouse a few hours from the Sanctuary, so he needed to send some men to scope it out. If it was a good haul, he’d have to leave for a few days to scavenge what he could there. He didn’t want to leave you here alone, especially when you were injured. 

Negan heard you stirring in bed, groaning in the dim morning light. You turned in bed, regarding him through narrowed eyes. 

“You moved me?” You asked groggily.

“Yeah, I did. You were knocked the fuck out, sleeping beauty.” He responded with a smirk.

“You didn’t have to move me.” You responded, tacking on a sincere, “Thank you.” at the end.

You drifted back off to sleep, feeling the previous day’s exhaustion piling up.

**8:00 AM**

Negan gently shuts the door as he leaves his room. 

“No one comes in here but me.” He orders the door guard.

“Yes sir.” The guard responds. 

Negan makes his way down the stairwell, descending to the lowest floor. There is activity on the ground floor because breakfast is being served. 

He enters the darkened corridor leading to the cells. It is dimly lit, and each cell is marked by a solid metal door and concrete walls. It’s damp and cold. 

He moved to the cell you were locked in, opening it abruptly. Crumpled in the corner was Dennis, the man who had attacked you. His head jerked up, and he groaned in pain, clutching at his ribs.

“Oh you don’t even fucking know it yet.” Negan growled. He picked the man up by his collar, yanking him to his feet. 

“Carry this fucker to the main hall.” He called to the other people working in the prison unit. “And get the iron ready.” His voice was measured, and deadly calm. 

~~~~~~~

A crowd gathered in the main hall, surrounding a large furnace. In the center of the room sat Dennis, trembling and sweating. 

Negan slammed the door open, appearing on the upper level of the main room. His face was decorated with a cold, manic expression. He wore his leather jacket, and a leather glove on one hand. He dragged his baseball bat, named Lucille, against the railing. It clanged against the metal as he walked by.

_ Clang! Clang! Clang! _

The crowd collectively dropped to their knees. Dennis sobbed.

“Ladies and gents! How the fuck are we this morning?” He greeted the crowd.

No one dared to respond.

“Now, I know all of you just fucking ate. Hell, I hope none of you toss your fucking cookies because THAT would be fucking nasty.” He spoke. 

“I don’t fucking like doing this. But we gotta understand the fucking  _ rules around here _ !” He said as he walked down the stairs. He joined the crowd on the ground floor, moving over to stand in front of Dennis.

“This pathetic fucker,” Negan held out his finger, aiming it in the same spot he punched yesterday. “Just so happens to be a bad,” He poked Dennis harshly in his ribs, causing him to grunt. “Fucking.” another poke. “Boy.” another poke. 

Dennis was panting now, fighting to manage the pain in his broken ribs. Negan cupped both sides of Dennis’ face, laughing as he slapped either side of his face as if to wake him up.

“Denny-boy here, just so happened to break  _ rule number one _ .” He emphasized, “And what is rule number one?” He held his hand up and cupped it next to his ear, leaning toward the crowd. 

The crowd quietly mumbled in unison, “No rape.”

“That’s right! All of you get an A fucking plus!” Negan continued, as he slipped his hand into a large welder’s glove. He picked up the red-hot metal iron from the furnace, approaching Dennis’ face. Dennis cringed, preparing for the searing pain. Negan paused and pulled back.

“You know what Denny-boy? I’ll give you the benefit of the fucking doubt. You didn’t  _ technically  _ rape her, did you?” He asked in a sympathetic voice.

“N-no sir.” He responded quickly. 

“I see.” He lowered the iron. “I guess you don’t deserve to have half your face fucking burned off, now do you?” You asked, feigning a pouty face. 

“No sir, please!” Dennis pleaded quietly. 

Negan responded with, “That’s a damn shame. Because I fuckin’ feel like doing it anyway!” He quickly brought up the iron, flattening it against the right side of Dennis’ face. Dennis screamed in pain, the searing sound of burnt flesh filling the room. Negan held the iron on his face for a long while, before pulling it off. A large portion of Dennis’ skin had melted and stuck to the iron.

Dennis’ head dropped, signaling that he had passed out. There was a pool of urine on the floor underneath him. The crowd stood silently, unnerved by what they had witnessed. 

Negan tossed the iron back into the hot furnace. “Clean that shit up, that’s fucking disgusting.” He ordered, before walking out of the main room. “Back to work!” His voice echoed as he walked through the door.

~~~~~~~~~

**10:00 AM**

Your eyes cracked open, light filtering in through the large windows in the room. You slept like the dead. You woke up in a cloud of confusion, forgetting for a moment that you were sleeping in Negan’s room. 

“Morning princess.” Negan spoke from his desk without looking up. He was immersed in paperwork, a pair of black glasses on his nose. You turned to face him on your good side, watching him work for a moment. 

He looked up at you, smiling before rising from his seat. He grabbed two bowls of oatmeal off the edge of his desk, bringing them to you. You painfully sat up against the headboard, having trouble exerting yourself that way. You tucked your knees up a bit, taking the warm oatmeal in your hands. 

Negan rounded the bed, taking his spot on the other side against the headboard. It was reminiscent of the last time you sat here, and you sensed a bit of tension between you two. 

“How you feeling today?” He asked in a baritone voice.

“Okay. I slept like the dead.” You giggled. Negan chuckled too, spooning more oatmeal into his mouth. 

“Yeah I noticed dollface. Any big plans today?” He asked.

“I can’t really move, so I guess hogging your bed and annoying you are on the list.” You smiled. You were feeling much better today after having a meal and sleeping. 

Negan smiled, looking as if he just got a good idea. 

“I got a surprise for you.” He smiled, rising from the bed. 

“Ooh, what is it!!?” You asked.

“It’s a fucking surprise for a reason darlin’, you’re gonna have to be patient.” He chuckled, moving towards the door. You rolled your eyes, but a small smile graced your features. 

A few minutes later, Negan reentered the room, a wheelchair rolling in front of him. 

“What is this?” You asked, breaking out into a curious smile. 

“I’m taking you on a tour of mi-casa.” He announced, holding his arms out wide. 

“Ooh are you gonna wear scrubs too? ‘Nurse Negan’ has a good ring!” You giggled. 

“Watch it doll, remember I’m the one who’s gotta carry you down the stairs.” He chucked. 

“Help me get ready and we’ll go.” You beamed. You were happy to be officially introduced to the sanctuary. You had a good idea from your previous sneaking around, but it would be helpful to know the specifics. 

You painfully climbed out of bed, slowly moving over to the bathroom. Negan turned on the shower, and you waited for it to warm up. 

“Need help?” Negan asked. 

“I think I got it.” You responded. He nodded, exiting the bathroom. 

“Call me if you need me, doll.” He called as he returned to his desk.

~~~~~~~~~~

You finished showering, returning to the room wrapped in a towel.

“I realized I don’t have any clothes..” You mumbled. Negan looked up from his paperwork, glasses resting on his nose. 

“Well what a  _ problem _ that must be, sweetheart.” He replied in a mocking tone, dramatizing his fake sympathy. He broke out into a handsome smile soon after. 

“You are insufferable.” You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t help the small smile that crossed your lips. 

Negan fished a smaller pair of sweatpants and a t shirt from his drawers. You wondered who they belonged to. 

You returned to the bathroom, dressing as quickly as possible. You slowly sat in the wheelchair, Negan right behind you to guide it. 

“Off to see my kingdom, darlin’.” Negan announced with a smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally ending on a positive note...maybe. We'll see. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. I would love to hear where YOU would like to see the story go. Comment and let me know!


	7. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Who’s wife?” You asked confusedly, fear evident in your voice.
> 
> “Negan’s?” She snapped annoyedly. You stumbled back again, beginning to hyperventilate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day? What a surprise. I know AO3 can be buggy about notifications if 2 chapters go out at once, so make sure you read the previous chapter before starting this one.
> 
> Also: Please don't send an angry mob after me. I'm sorry.
> 
> TW: Description of injury

Negan led you through the corridors of the sanctuary, stopping occasionally to tell you what happened in each room. When you reached any stairs, he would carry you down them, and then return you to your wheelchair at the bottom. 

You noticed that everyone dropped to their knees when he arrived, whether out of respect or fear you didn’t know. Some people stared at you, probably wondering who you were and why the man in charge was leading you around. 

“What’s down there?” You asked when Negan skipped a hallway.

“That’s the medical unit, no need for us to go down there.” He responded.

Instead, he brought you to a different room, one that was filled with racks of clothing. 

“Take your pick, darlin’.” He said, obviously proud of himself.

“Negan, I can barely get a shirt over my head, what makes you think I can try any of this on?” You asked.

“Get your ass in there and pick out some shit, (Y/N).” He ordered in a teasing tone. He leaned into your ear from behind, adding, “and I’m such a goddamn gentleman I wouldn't hesitate to help you try it on either.” You could hear the smile in his voice. Your cheeks grew hot.

You limped into the room, unsure of where to start. There were circular racks filled with clothing. Each piece had a tag that determined how many points the item was worth. You circled the room, fingering through the racks. You eventually picked out a comfortable pair of leggings and a simple t-shirt.

You approached the back of the room, holding up the items in front of you. Negan swaggered over behind you, another clothing item in hand.

He stood close behind you, only giving an inch of space before your bodies would be touching. You felt his warm breath fan across your cheek as he held a piece up to your body. Your eyes found your form in the mirror, landing on the item he had chosen.

A simple, black dress. Sleeveless and a-line, and made out of an expensive material. You hadn’t tried on a dress since the world went to shit. You imagined it hanging on your body, accentuating your curves. 

“Beautiful.” Negan drawled. You stiffened slightly at the sound of his voice in your ear. 

You grabbed the dress from his hand, adding it to your small pile of choices. You turned to him, smiling lightly. Negan was closer than you first thought, looking down his nose at you with a small smile.

“Thank you.” You whispered. His tongue gently darted out to wet his lips. His eyes dropped to your lips.

Your eyes dropped to his. 

Both of you paused, frozen in time.

You pulled back slightly, putting space between you two. Your eyes fluttered, and you turned away. Returning to the nearest clothing rack, you silently looked through it. Negan stood in the same place, head lowered. He wiped his hand down his face.

You silently picked out two more shirts, a pair of pants, and two dresses. You figured the dresses would be easiest while you are injured. You turned back to Negan, trying to shake off the awkwardness of what just happened.

“I think this is all I need. Thank you for letting me pick some things.” You said. 

“Of course, doll. Ready for some lunch?” He asked. 

You nodded, returning to your wheelchair. Negan wheeled you out of the clothing room and back towards his floor. 2 staircases later, you were back on the top floor. During the trip, Negan made jokes, attempting to lighten the mood. He enjoyed hearing himself talk, that was obvious.

When you arrived at the room, it was lunchtime. You set down your bag of clothes on the coffee table. There were two trays in front of you, both decorated with ham and cheese sandwiches and a small salad. You ate while chatting about favorite TV shows. 

You were trying to explain your favorite show to him, a series called ‘Supernatural’, and he teased you, saying it sounded stupid. You laughed and punched him in the arm. The rest of lunch carried on with comfortable waves of conversation and silence. You didn’t want to admit it, but you were beginning to enjoy Negan’s company. 

When lunch was over, you were too tired to do any more activities. Instead, you settled into bed. Negan had a TV wheeled in from another room, and he turned on “The Shining”. You curled up under the blankets while Negan changed into sweatpants. He climbed onto the bed, lying above the blankets next to you. 

As the movie went on, you found yourself moving closer to the bearded savior. You began to doze off, resting your head on his chest and curling up to his side. He stroked a calloused hand over your back, lulling you to sleep.

**3 Weeks Later, 8:00 AM**

You were finally starting to feel comfortable walking again. You could successfully dress yourself with minimal pain, and were starting to move around more. 

It was morning, and Negan had left for the day. He had a community to run, after all. You decided now would be a good time to wander around the compound. You asked Negan to put you to work, but so far he had declined, saying you were still injured. 

Before you left, you fished something out of Negan’s closet: the dress he picked out 3 weeks ago. You held it in front of your form again, turning side to side. You took off the oversized shirt you were wearing, and slipped the dress over your head. Before turning to the mirror, you zipped it up the best you could.

You turned around, meeting your own reflection. Since the world went to shit, you hadn’t even considered taking the time to feel beautiful. This dress did just that, making you feel beautiful. You swished your hips from side to side, taking in the way the dress flowed on your frame. Smiling to yourself, you took it off and got dressed into a more appropriate outfit. You left the dress on its hanger, clipped onto the towel rack.

You quietly toed out into the hallway, not wanting to disturb anyone who was still asleep. You didn’t know who else lived on this floor, if anyone.

You made your way downstairs, headed in a direction you hadn’t been before. You remembered Negan mentioning it was the medical wing, and you wanted to give Doctor Carson your thanks for his visit weeks ago.

You walked down the hallway, approaching two double doors with metal handles. You pushed through them, entering a large room with single-person beds against one wall. There were cabinets, probably full of supplies, on the other side. 

“Doctor Carson?” You called into the room. You walked towards the other end, seeing a man laying in one of the beds. He turned his head toward you, and your blood ran cold. Freezing in your spot, you recognized the man.

Laying in the bed was the man who attacked you in the cells. It was dark there, and you couldn’t see his features, but you recognized his body shape and his thin, crooked nose. The only difference now was that he had a large, oozing burn covering one side of his face. His skin was singed and blistered, with large, exposed chunks. You could nearly see the man’s jaw bone.

You stumbled backward, your hand covering your mouth. Your breath quickened as you turned and ran from the clinic. 

_ What the fuck?! Did Negan do that?! Oh my god. Oh my god.  _ Your thoughts raced as you rushed back towards Negan’s room. Taking two steps at a time, your stomach lurched with nausea. Turning the corner, you stumbled right into a woman’s body.

“Ow! What the hell?!” She shouted.

Through your brain fog, you asked, “Who are you?” 

“Amber? One of the wives..?” She sneered. You looked down, noticing that she was wearing a black dress.

Sleeveless.

A-line.

“One of..?” You asked, out of breath from running. “Who’s wife?” You asked confusedly, fear evident in your voice.

“Negan’s?” She snapped annoyedly. You stumbled back again, beginning to hyperventilate.

You ran into Negan’s room, hearing Amber call after you. Tears pricked at your eyes as you slammed the door shut, rushing into the bathroom. Shutting the bathroom door, you slid down it onto the floor. Hugging your knees to your chest, you sobbed uncontrollably. Looking up through teary eyes, you saw Negan’s gift to you.

A black dress.

Sleeveless.

A-Line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. That didn't last long. Sorry guys.


	8. Thin Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He isn’t yours. He isn’t yours. You repeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've accepted my fate. You can send the angry mob now.

This wasn’t happening. You were finally starting to trust this man, and he ripped that away from you.  _ Who was Negan? _

You knew he was strong. You knew he was violent. You didn’t know he was capable of torture at that degree. You didn’t know that while you were nearly letting him kiss you, he had  _ multiple  _ other wives. Did he leave at night to go see them?

Did he  _ enjoy _ burning the flesh off a that man’s face?

_ Were you safe here? _

You cried in the bathroom until no more tears would flow. Crumpled on the floor, you counted your breaths.  _ In. out. In. out. _

You heard the bedroom door open.  _ In. out. In. out. _

You heard Negan call out for you.  _ In. out. _

_ Knock knock. _

“You in there doll?” He called, oblivious to your emotions.

“I met Amber.” You called through the door. Your voice was stricken with emotion.

You heard Negan audibly sigh. “Let me in, (Y/N).” You reached up and locked the door.

“(Y/N). I’m not asking.” He warned. 

You heard a keyring jingle, and saw the doorknob turn. You jumped up, backing away from the door.

Negan let the door swing open. He was standing there, arms crossed. A hint of guilt painted his face.

“Doll-” He reached out.   
  


“Don’t touch me!” Your eyes were glassy again, but this time you felt anger, too. You turned away from him, trying to collect yourself.

“I stopped by to visit Carson..” You whispered. “You tortured that guy.. Didn’t you?” Your words were barely audible.

“He deserved it, doll.” He said quietly. Your dropped your head, a sob wracking your body.

“And Amber? How many others are there?” Your voice shook. Negan sighed again, pausing before giving his answer.

“Four.” He uttered. You turned, ripping the black dress off the nearby hanger.

“What the  _ fuck  _ Negan!?” You threw the dress at him, and he stumbled backwards. You continued your attack, “Who the fuck do you think I am?! I’m  _ never  _ going to be part of your goddamn harem!” You punctuated the last word with a shove into his chest. He didn’t budge.

“You’re on thin ice, doll.” He warned in a calm tone.

“FUCK YOU, NEGAN!” You marched toward him again, tears streaking your face. “Is this some goddamn power play for you?! Do you fucking  _ get off  _ on hurting me?!” This time, you raised your hand, slapping him across his cheek. He turned his head, pausing for a moment. You stared back at him in shock, hand still raised.

He looked at you, danger crossing his features in a way you’ve never witnessed. “Are you done?” His voice is calm and even. You didn’t answer. You lowered your hand.

“I-” 

“If you say one more goddamn thing woman, I swear to god I’ll beat your ass until it’s purple. Do you hear me?” He growled.

No response.

“DO YOU HEAR ME?” He bellowed, causing you to flinch. He stormed towards you now, and you backed up to maintain the distance. When your back hit the nearby wall, you realized you were trapped. He crowded you, boxing you in with arms on either side of you. His head bowed, breathing heavily. 

“Don’t look at me like I’m some goddamn monster.” He growled. 

“You are one.” You whispered.

“Get. Out.” He growled.

He backed away from you, leaving his room and slamming the door behind him. You stood in silence, breathing heavily.

You quickly collected your clothes, shoving them into the backpack Negan had given you. You quietly left the room.

Climbing the stairs, you returned to the place you had slept before you knew the bearded savior. Curling up on the roof, you drifted off into a tear-stained slumber.

~~~~~~~~

“(Y/N)?” An unknown voice woke you. You groggily sat up, searching for who had called your name.

A man stood in front of you. He had black hair and a mustache, and looked like he had better things to do. 

“Negan wants me to assign you your room. You have a job position starting today too. Come with me.” He motioned towards the door. You rose, sleepily following him.

You hoped not to run into Negan during your trip back inside. The man introduced himself as Simon, and said that he had been one of the men tracking you after you got discovered. You walked in silence together until he arrived at your room. It was on the same floor as Negan’s. A small room with a single bed, dresser, and a chair in the corner. You put your backpack down on the bed, and Simon showed you where the communal bathroom was on the next floor down. 

He gave you five minutes to freshen up before he showed you your job. You quickly brushed your teeth and hair before finding him in the hallway. He led you all the way downstairs, to where the laundry room is. You would be resuming the job you had previously, only now you would actually earn points for it. 

“Hi dear!” Dannielle greeted you.

“Hi Danielle, sorry I’ve been missing for a while.” You replied sheepishly. She didn’t mind that you were missing, and filled you in on your new duties.

“Lastly, Negan has requested you are the one who cleans his room.” She added at the end. Your eyes widened, shock crossing your features. She went on to tell you that another person would be cleaning the wives’ rooms. You screwed your eyes shut, wincing at the situation.

~~~~~~~

It was around 3:00, and you had finished nearly all of your duties for the day. You were purposely pushing off the fact that you had to return to Negan’s room. You took a break for a late lunch, before biting the bullet and heading upstairs. 

You cringed as you knocked on his bedroom door, listening for a cue to come inside.

“Enter.” Negan’s voice called. You hesitantly entered the room, tensing up as you saw what was in front of you.

Negan was sitting under the blankets, no shirt in sight. He had a woman on his lap, who was giggling. He was speaking softly into her ear, and when he noticed you looking, he gently nipped her earlobe. Your cheeks turned beet red and you lowered your gaze. You avoided looking in his direction as you started to clean the room.

You began wiping off the surfaces, when you heard, “oh.. _ Negan _ .” coming from the woman on his lap. Your eyes widened as you tried to block out the sound.

“ _ Mmmmmmhhh. _ ” The woman moaned. You made the mistake of glancing up, seeing Negan kissing down her neck. 

You barely remembered the next half hour of cleaning. You rushed through it quickly, fighting back tears the whole way. You left the room quietly, hearing the woman’s giggle echo into the hallway. 

You rushed downstairs, dropping off your cleaning supplies and clocking out. Tears pricked at your eyes as you took the stairs two at a time, returning to your bedroom. Shutting the door behind you, you flopped down onto the bed and sobbed. 

You ignored your hungry stomach, continuing to lay awake on your bed for hours. It was well into the night now, and you had barely moved a muscle. 

You were hurt and confused. You and Negan had never even kissed, and you felt like your heart was ripped from your chest.  _ He isn’t yours. He isn’t yours.  _ You repeated.

You finally started to doze off, when you heard a knocking sound on your wall. You sat up, listening closer.

“ _ Oh god, Negan!!” _ A woman moaned. “ _ Oh my fucking god, fuck me!” _ She shouted. Her bedframe rattled, knocking into the wall near your head.

You whimpered, pulling the pillow over your head and letting sleep take you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys. It can only go up from here.. right?
> 
> Let me know what you think, it truly makes my day when I receive comments from you all. Next chapter will be up later today. Thanks for reading!


	9. Come Back To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You hurt me..” You whispered in a wounded voice. Your eyes bounced between his. His jaw ticked. “I don’t know what to do, here..” You lamented, shaking your head. Negan remained silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've been waiting for this one, boys! Hope you enjoy.
> 
> TW: Nightmare including description of injury. The nightmare is written in italics.

Days go by with the same torture. Wake up, clean Negan’s room, listen to his wife laugh at his jokes, fall asleep to the sounds of him fucking someone else.

You felt the emotion leave you as the days went on. It was easier that way. You swear you caught Negan looking at you one time, but you won’t allow yourself to have that hope.

You know that he was never yours. It’s just that for the first time since the apocalypse, you had something good in your life. You enjoyed laughing at his jokes and insulting him teasingly. 

When you slept, you couldn’t help your mind wandering to the sounds in the other room. You tortured yourself with thoughts of what his skin would feel like. 

What his hands would feel like. 

What his mouth would feel like.

You tried to make friends to distract yourself, but you always found yourself back in your room. You knew he was trying to hurt you, maybe to make you realize what you were missing.

~~~~~~~~~

NEGAN’S POV

~~~~~~~~~

I feel like scum of the fucking earth. Every day I see her she looks more hurt than the last, and I get off on it like some sick fuck. I hate seeing her upset, but some fucked up part of me wants to show her how good she could have it. She deserves so much fucking better than I can ever give her, but I’m fucking selfish and I want her for myself. I just wish she’d just come back to me. 

I’ve been fucking my goddamn wives like a goddamn horny teenager, and every time, I have to shut my eyes and pretend it’s her. I open them, I see one of my dramatic-ass gold digging wives, and I go fucking soft. This woman is killing me.

I don’t let my wives sleep with me, and my bed feels fucking empty. For fuck’s sake, I haven’t even kissed her yet. I pass her room and I can hear her fucking crying. 

She deserves better than me, and I won’t let her have it.

~~~~~~~~~~

Negan laid in bed for an hour, staring at the ceiling. Sleep evaded him. He resigned to staying awake, sighing and moving to his desk. He poured himself a double whisky, scooping up the glass and pulling on his boots. 

He climbed the stairs, listening to the quiet metal echo through the stairwell. He pushed open the door to the roof, which greeted him with chilly air.

He thought about you sleeping up here a few days ago. It was beginning to get colder. He imagined you curled up and shivering. 

He stood at the edge of the roof in silence. His mind wandered to the first day he discovered you here. He had come up here then, too. He didn’t know you existed yet, but you must have been watching him. Maybe you were scared of him then. Maybe you were scared of him now.

He took a deep breath and a swig of whisky, looking up at the stars before heading inside. He layed back down in his bed, feeling more relaxed than before, but no less guilty. His vision darkened, and he fell asleep.

_ ~~~~~ _

_ Beep. Beep. Beep. _

_ The hospital room emitted a harsh fluorescent light. Lucille was lying unconscious, wires connected to her body. A machine sat on the side of her bed, tracking her heart rate. She was so thin, almost skeletal. _

_ Negan sat at her side, her hand in his.  _

_ “I’m sorry, Lucille.” He whispered. His heart was shattered, watching her waste away in a hospital. _

_ “No need to be sorry, Negan. You didn’t love me anyway.” She responded, matter-of-factly.  _

_ He tensed, slowly looking up to meet her eyes. They were cloudy and white. Her face was painted with a sickening yellow smile.  _

_ “I did love you..” He whispered, shock evident on his features.  _

_ “No. Negan. You fucked that girl from across the street didn’t you? And our house sitter.” Her smile grew wider. _

_ “Luci..” He panted, breathing at a quickened pace. “I’m sorry..”  _

_ “No you’re noooooooot!” She shouted, jaw unhinging. Negan jumped up from his seat, backing towards the closed door. “NO YOU’RE NOT! NO YOU’RE NOT! NO YOU’RE NOT!” She screamed, becoming more and more hysterical. Her smile was as wide as it could be, and she began to laugh uncontrollably. Negan turned, rushing for the door. It was locked from the outside. He banged on the door, pleading for someone to let him out. Lucille was laughing hysterically, choking noises bubbling in her throat. _

_ Negan kept pulling on the door, trying to pull it open. Suddenly, there was complete silence. Panting, he turned around slowly. _

_ (Y/N) was sitting on the bed, looking the same way Negan last saw her. She was crying. _

_ “(Y/N)..” He whispered. She shook her head. _

_ “You killed me, Negan.” She sobbed, _

_ “What?” He asked. She lifted up her hands. She was holding a knife. She held it to her throat. Negan yelled, “NO!” just as she slit her own throat. _

~~~~~

Negan sat up in bed, panting. He scrubbed a hand over his face, feeling the sweat that pooled at his back. He planted his feet on the floor, rising from the bed.

He silently changed his sweaty shirt before toeing his way over to the door. He wandered down the hallway, stopping at your bedroom.

The door creaked as he let himself inside. He tried his best to be silent, hoping not to startle you. He paused near your bed, watching closely in the moonlight to make sure your belly was rising with your breath.

“(Y/N).” He whispered. His voice sounded more vulnerable than ever. His hands shook with remembrance of the nightmare.

You stirred, opening your eyes and sitting up. You squinted into the darkness.

“Negan?” You whispered.

“It’s me, doll.” He sighed. 

“What are you doing here?” You bristled. Negan paused before shaking his head nearly imperceptively. He silently stepped towards the bed, climbing under the blankets. He laid on his back, looking at the ceiling. You were sitting up on your side, eyes watching him closely.

“Are you okay?” You whispered. 

There was a long pause. “No.” Negan responded. You layed back down, both of you turning on your sides to face each other. You didn’t touch, your bodies positioned a foot from each other. 

You looked into each other's eyes for a long moment. 

“Come back to me.” Negan whispered. 

“Show me that I can.” You responded.

Negan’s large hand came up to your face, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. Your skin nearly vibrated under his touch. His thumb came around to brush your lower lip, hazel eyes watching intently. Negan lifted his head then, slowly closing the distance between you.

Your lips met in a gentle, vulnerable kiss. Your eyes fluttered shut, letting go of enough hesitation to light your nerves on fire. Your lips began to move against his, slowly deepening the kiss. His tongue brushed along the seam of your lips, gently coaxing them open. 

You sighed into his mouth, letting him move so his head was hovering over yours. He made a point not to exert his weight over you, keeping the kiss innocent. When he pulled away from you, your eyes stayed locked for another moment.

He returned to his position on your bed, laying on his back. His arm came to wrap around you as you scooted over to him. You rested your head on his chest, and he ran his hand along your back. 

“Goodnight, Negan.” You whispered.

“Goodnight, love.” Negan responded.

~~~~~~~~

Morning light broke through your bedroom window. Your eyes cracked open, taking in the man who was sleeping beside you. His breathing was slow and steady, face the epitome of relaxed. 

He had dark circles under his eyes, signaling the wakefulness of his slumber. He had come to you around 2:00 AM, you thought. You had never seen him appear so broken. So human. 

Negan was a savior. He was a leader, an enforcer, a punisher. He also had demons that kept him from sleep late at night. For the first time, Negan appeared so much more human. 

Your eyes wandered over his sleeping face for a moment. Without opening his eyes, the corner of his mouth turned upward and he drawled,

”Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” His eyes opened, and a pearly white smile graced his lips. You smiled back at him. 

“Good morning.” You responded groggily. 

“Morning, darlin’.” He gruffed.

You sat up in bed, climbing off to look out your window. It was still early, and the sanctuary hadn’t woken up yet. You looked out the window, watching as raindrops began to hit the window. Everything had a gray cast to it, and it calmed you.

“I love the rain.” You spoke quietly. You heard fabric rustling, and then footsteps approaching you. Negan came up behind you, wrapping his strong arms around your waist. He rested his chin on the top of your head. You sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the gentle sound of raindrops hitting the window. 

Your mind wandered, thinking about the rift that has been made between you and Negan. He hurt you so many times, and yet your nerves still sparked to life at his touch. You had kissed in some vulnerable, late night moment,and you wondered if that even meant anything.

Grief crossed your features, furrowing your brow. Staring out the window, you whispered, “What are we doing, Negan?” His hands shifted, one of them letting go of your waist.

He brushed your hair to the side, ducking his head until his lips were against your neck. 

“What would you like us to be doing, sweetheart?” He asked gently. You felt his beard scrape the sensitive skin of your neck as he planted a kiss under your ear. Your skin immediately broke out in goosebumps, and a shiver ran down your back.

You absentmindedly tilted your head to the side, giving him more room. You sighed as his lips descended on you, gently brushing down your neck. 

Your head was reeling, thinking about the violence that has occurred at this man’s hands. He could torture and kiss, caress and kill. 

You had forgotten that he asked you a question. You weren’t sure what you wanted anymore.

“Negan..” You sighed. 

“Hmm?” He mumbled. You turned in his arms, looking up at his rugged features.

“You hurt me..” You whispered in a wounded voice. Your eyes bounced between his. His jaw ticked. “I don’t know what to do, here..” You lamented, shaking your head. Negan remained silent.

“Let me help you decide.” He gruffed. His hands came up to the sides of your face, cupping your jaw. His thumb wiped a stray tear from your cheek. He bowed his head, breath ticking your lips. You were only a breath away now, lips parting.

You ducked your head, looking away. Grief painted your features. 

“I think you should go.” You whispered, barely audible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! As always, comments make my heart happy. I love all of you!!


	10. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What the fuck am I looking at here, sweetheart?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been super busy, so getting this chapter out was hard. I really hope this chapter doesn't let anyone down. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: PTSD flashback, blood, vague description of sexual trauma
> 
> As for the content, I just want to say that it is completely based on my own struggle with PTSD. If you're wondering what a flashback feels like for me, this might give you an idea. Obviously everyone is different, so I can't speak for everyone in that respect. This story has become very therapeutic for me, and I wanted to include a little bit of mental illness experience. Thank you for taking the time to read.

You had asked Negan for space so that you could figure out what choice to make. You were at a crossroads, standing between a road with Negan, or one without him. Was it worth the pain? 

You left your room, heading downstairs to use the communal shower. The compound was still asleep, the sun just starting to rise. You rounded the corner, undressing and wrapping in a towel quickly. You hung your towel over the privacy wall separating the shower heads. You quickly got under the stream, tensing under the cold water. Negan was the only one who got warm water. 

You washed quickly, heading down to the mess hall. You entered the breakfast line, giving your ID number and receiving your plate of potatoes and a bowl of oatmeal.

You sat in the mess hall, watching the morning rush shuffle in. You were glad you got there early, avoiding the long lines and crowded seating. Work started in an hour, so you spent your time sitting at a corner table and people-watching. 

You noticed that everyone’s heads turned towards the doors. The conversations around you fade into silence. Negan enters the room. The people around you drop to their knees, one by one. You stood from your chair, joining them. 

Negan strolled through the room smiling charismatically. You could tell the people around him were not thrilled to see him. 

“What a sweet as  _ fuck _ mornin’ it is. At ease.” He commanded. Everyone slowly stood up, watching as Negan let himself into the kitchen to get some food.

You continued to eat your oatmeal, finishing up so you could head to work. You were getting tired of eating alone, and hoped you could eventually make some friends. You planned that tomorrow you’d sit at a new table and introduce yourself.

You set off towards the lower floor, meeting Danielle and your coworkers. Today you were assigned to washing the laundry, so you would spend most of the day in the laundry room. You grabbed a bin, heading towards the first residential floor. 

Everyone leaves their laundry out next to their door, and your job was to put each pile in an individual bag and bring it back downstairs. You began doing just that, scooping up the laundry and putting it in a bag. A few people shuffled through the halls as you continued.

You bent over to pick up the next pile, feeling a man’s hands grab around your hips. He pulled them towards his crotch, laughing to his friends. 

Your vision was suddenly taken up with images of your past. 

_ You’re face down, a hand shoving harshly on the back of your neck. “You like that, don’t you?” _

You gasped and reeled backwards. Your elbow shot out, jabbing the unknown man in his face. 

_ Your body rocks roughly, pain shooting through your most private areas. _

You turned, slamming the man against the wall. Your world was silent besides the ringing in your ears.

_ Skin on skin. Hands grabbing your hips, pulling you backwards. _

The man was on the floor, you were punching his face over and over. 

_ Your body jolting forwards and backwards. So much pain. _

Hands closed around your elbows, ripping you off of the man. You were kicking and screaming. The man stumbled to his feet, “You bitch!” He shouted. The world sounded like your head was under water. He wiped his sleeve over his face, smearing blood across it.

Someone was yanking you by the arm down the hallway. Your feet struggled to keep up with their speed. You could hear that you were hyperventilating, but you couldn't feel it. They kept climbing the stairs, all the way to the top floor. 

“Breathe, (Y/N).” It was Simon’s voice. Your face was wet with tears, and your muscles were tensed.

Simon dragged you into Negan’s room, calling out for him. You heard the door shut gently behind you, and you were left alone. You backed up, leaning against the wall for support. It felt like every muscle in your body was engaged. Your eyes searched blindly, not focusing on anything.

“What the  _ fuck  _ am I looking at here, sweetheart?” Negan sighed, appearing in front of you, arms crossed over his chest. His voice was calm but stern.

You didn’t respond, looking down to see drops of blood trailing down your fingers. Your knuckles were cut open, bleeding bright red blood onto the floor. You felt sick to your stomach.

“You got 10 seconds to answer me, (Y/N).” He drawled.

You could hear your breathing slow down, attempting to get a grasp on reality. It felt as if you were in a dream.

“I- I- t-thought they were under control..” You whispered. Your voice shook the same way your hands did. You couldn’t find it in you to speak any louder. 

“What’s under control?” Negan asked calmly.

“F-Flashbacks. I haven’t had one in a long time..” You whisper. You heard Negan sigh audibly. 

“Jesus doll… What the hell am I gonna do with you?” He asked quietly. He approached you slowly, but your eyes remained unfocused, not even looking in his direction.

“Can I touch you?” He asked gently.

You nodded rigidly. He tipped his head, attempting to get your eyes to focus on him. When they finally settled on his, he reached up to touch your cheek. You flinched, breath picking up. “It’s okay. I’m not gonna hurt you.” He whispered. His knuckles brushed against your cheek. Your eyes fluttered nervously.

“Can you walk?” He whispered. You nodded again.

Negan wrapped his large hand around yours, leading you towards the bathroom. You stood there, staring aimlessly as he turned on the shower. Your arms hung limply at your sides, leaving small dots of blood on the white tile.

Negan approached you, concern written in his eyes. He pressed his forehead to yours, pausing. “Do you need help?” He asked. Another nod.

Negan’s calloused fingers landed on the edge of your top, lifting it over your head. You barely reacted, lifting your arms submissively. You weren’t wearing a bra, so you were completely bare to him. Next came your pants and underwear, which he slid down your hips, helping you step out of them. He lifted each of your feet, taking your socks off.

You stood naked in front of him, and he tried his best to be respectful to you. He gave you a gentle push towards the shower, letting you step in under the warm stream. You stood there with the water pounding into your numb skin, until Negan stepped in to join you. He was undressed, wearing only his boxer shorts. He stood in front of you, taking your right hand into his. He held your knuckles under the water, and you watched as a pink liquid drained away. He rolled a bar of soap in his hands, gently lathering up the cuts on your knuckles. He did the same on the other side, taking care to be gentle. He stepped closer to you now, cupping your face in his. There was a long silence between you.

“Come back to me, doll.” He gruffed. You weren’t sure if he meant in this moment or in general.

Your eyes stared downward, focusing on his chest. You didn’t say anything.

You stood under the warm water for a while, before Negan shut it off and let you out of the shower. He carefully dried you off before pulling a large t shirt over your head. 

“Go get yourself into bed.” He said, lips against your hair.

You walked away, headed towards where he told you to go. You climbed into the silky sheets, pulling them over you. Your head rested on the pillow, and you laid on your side facing the outside. You heard some shuffling, a light click off, and then Negan was there with you. He was only wearing dry boxers as he pressed his warm skin against your back. 

"When you wake up, you're gonna tell me what the hell happened to you, (Y/N)."

It wasn’t even noon yet, but you felt as if you hadn’t slept in 72 hours. Your eyelids became heavy, and then you were slipping into a quiet slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is quick, I'm trying to keep chapters coming at a reasonable pace. As always, thank you so much for reading.


	11. Start Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Start talking, doll.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Music for this chapter (start listening when you see the ***): Contaminated by Banks
> 
> This chapter got wayyy out of hand. I did not expect it to end like this. I hope all of you enjoy a little taste of what's to come.

By the time you woke up, it was noon. You were dazed, forgetting that you had fallen asleep in Negan’s bed.

“Afternoon darlin’.” You looked up, your eyes finding Negan’s as he sat at his desk. You flopped back onto your pillow, groaning. You heard him chuckle as he shuffled paperwork. 

“Get ready. We’re going on a walk.” He said. You turned onto your side, looking at him for a moment. When he smiled at you, you couldn’t stop the corners of your lips from turning up. 

You climbed out of bed, moving into the bathroom to straighten the rat’s nest that was your hair. You blushed when you realized you didn’t have any panties on, Negan’s white t shirt coming down to your mid thigh. It was a subtle reminder of the events that had occurred only hours ago. 

Suddenly, you became uneasy. Was Negan going to punish you? You looked down, seeing the Band-aids stuck across your knuckles.

“Negan?” You asked hesitantly. “Am I in trouble?”

“We’re gonna talk  _ all  _ about that, don’t you worry.” He drawled.

You sighed, glancing at your reflection in the mirror once more. You turned, retrieving your morning clothes off the towel rack. You left the bathroom door cracked as you got changed, noticing small red splatters across the fabric. 

You returned to Negan’s room, meeting him at the door. He was clad in his leather jacket and singular glove, baseball bat slung over his shoulder. He nodded towards the door, opening it and motioning for you to go through. You ducked under his arm and walked out into the hallway. 

You silently followed him through the compound. You became more uneasy the longer the silence went on. Negan stopped at the armory first, strolling in with you in tow. 

“What do you know how to handle, doll?” He asked, looking around at the weapons.

“Uh.. I know how to throw knives. I can shoot a handgun too.” You responded. 

Negan approached you with something in his hand. A knife holster. He strapped it around your left forearm, the silver knife handles at the ready. 

“Beautiful. Let’s get outta here.” He smiled.

You followed him out the compound doors and into the yard. He crossed the yard, the gates opening as you approached them. You stopped in your tracks.

“We’re going outside?” You asked.

“Yep! Get your ass out there sweetheart!” He smiled, as if he knew something you didn’t. You headed towards open fields, a small dirt path winding through them. You walked in silence for a moment, nervously picking at your fingers.

“You know I can’t let you get away with that shit unpunished, doll.” He sighed.  _ Shit. _

“I know.” You responded timidly. 

“I’m gonna give you the benefit of the fucking doubt though. You tell me what all that was all about, and we’ll take it from there.” 

“Please don’t make me talk about it..” You whispered, shaking your head.

“Sit.” He commanded, motioning to an old bench on the side of the path. You plopped down, eyes focusing on the grass below you. 

Negan let out a long sigh as he sat next to you. 

“Start talking, doll.” He pushed, the gentleness of his voice in contrast to the words he spoke. 

“I haven’t had a flashback in months.. I usually have them under control but then that guy came up behind me and he grabbed me and it just sent me off, I don’t even remember what I did to him..” You babbled nervously, tears building in your eyes.

“I know what you did to him, doll.” He chuckled. “One of the guys told me how it went down. The fucker that touched you is already in the cells.” 

“Good...are you gonna hurt him?” You asked.

“Hold the fuck up.” Negan sighed impatiently. A walker ambled towards you, and Negan stood up. “That is un-fucking-acceptable (Y/N).” He swung the bat, taking out the walker in one hit.

“You didn’t have to beat the ever-living shit you of the guy, hell, I didn’t even know you were capable of that kind of a beat-down. Not that he didn’t fucking deserve it, doll.” He laughed, sitting back down next to you. 

“When you have a problem, you come to  _ me  _ and I’ll handle it, sweetheart.” He gruffed. “I already put the guy in fucking cells. If you want to dish out his punishment you’re welcome to.” He winked at you. 

“What’s his punishment?” You asked.

“That’s for you to decide.” He said in a sing-song voice. 

“I don’t want to punish him! I mean.. I already beat him up, isn’t that enough?” You asked. Negan chuckled. 

“If you think so, that’ll be it.” He drawled.

“I think that’s good.. maybe if he does it again there can be another punishment?” You asked.

“I don’t think he’s gonna do it again, doll.” Negan laughed. He stood up, and you followed him. You began walking on the path again, side by side.

“Now onto part two.” He announced. You cringed, waiting for him to continue. “What happened?” 

_ Here it comes. _ You thought.

“I mean..I uh- well, he came up behind me-” You stuttered.   
  


“I know what happened this morning, sweetheart.” He scolded. You knew what he meant with his question.

You stopped walking, staring into his eyes. You shook your head. 

He nodded, still waiting for you to start talking. 

“I was..” Your voice came out as a whisper. You paused, averting your eyes.”I was raped. When I was 16…”

“It was my first time..” You whispered. Negan was quiet for a moment.

“That’s not fucking okay.” He sighed and paused. “I hope that sorry excuse of a human got what was fucking coming to him, (Y/N). Getting turned is the least he fucking deserves.” 

Your hands began to tremble, so you clasped them in order to stop the shaking. Negan led you back in the direction of the compound.    
  


“I was finally starting to be okay. I mean, before the world ended.” You whispered. “And then I just..had other things to worry about, I guess.” You finished.

You walked in silence for a few more minutes. “I’m sorry that happened to you, doll.” He gruffed.

“It could be worse, right? I could be a zombie.” You laughed, eyes glassy with tears.

“Yeah, I guess you could be, doll.” He smiled. You reached the gate, and it opened before you reached it. You had almost forgotten about Negan mentioning a punishment for you. Perhaps he decided against it due to the circumstances.

You crossed the yard with Negan, making your way back inside. “What now?” You asked.

***

Negan invited you upstairs, and you followed. Climbing the stairs behind him, he didn’t stop until he was on the roof. You shuffled up behind him, being met with a bird’s eye view of your surroundings. There was a couch sitting on the rooftop, which Negan had his men carry up the stairs. 

Negan sat heavily onto the couch, leaning his feet onto the roof’s edge. You joined him, tucking your knees into your chest and sitting facing him. 

“Well doll, you proved your fucking case. I’m not gonna punish you, even though I could find some real fucking fun ways to do so.” He winked. You rolled your eyes, smiling at his bluntness.

“Thank you, Negan.” You said quietly. He looked at you, hazel eyes darkening at the mention of his name. You pretended to adjust your position, scooting closer to him in the process.

“I know I said I wanted space..” You started hesitantly. 

“How do you feel about that idea now?” He asked quietly, a smirk on his bearded face. 

You scooted closer still, climbing into Negan’s lap. You gently settled with your knees on either side of his thighs. Your eyes avoided his for a moment, before flitting up to settle on his. His arms remained at his sides, eyes darkened with lustful tension. His chin was lifted slightly, as if he was regarding you down his nose with a subtle smirk. 

You took a deep inhale. “I think..” Your eyes dropped to his lips then, the same way his did to yours. You moved closer, only a breath from each other now. 

“You don’t have to think anything right now, doll.” He whispered. You could smell his scent; Cedar. Whisky. Gunpowder. You closed the gap between you, sealing your lips in a gentle kiss. Your lips slowly started to move against each other’s, and his hands moved to settle on your hips. He quickly took control of the kiss, his tongue encouraging you to part your lips to him.

You sighed, movements becoming more passionate with every second. Your hands settled on his shoulders, pulling him closer. His tongue danced in your mouth, large, calloused hands coaxing your hips into a gentle rolling motion.

You sat onto his lap, letting him guide you into a gentle undulation. Your nerves began to spark to life, feeding off the friction between you. Your breathing picked up, as did the speed of your kiss. His large hand found your jaw, tilting your head to the side. His head immediately attacked your exposed neck, tearing a breathy moan from your lips. You heard a deep growl within Negan’s chest, a reaction to the sound he pulled from you.

He broke the kiss, planting his forehead against yours. Your hips picked up speed, both of you panting with arousal. You moaned, louder this time.

“Can you cum for me like this?” Negan asked quietly. You nodded briefly, whimpering quietly.

“Negan..” You whined. Your hips continued to grind against his, sending shockwaves of pleasure up your spine. You could feel a hard weight underneath you, evidence of Negan’s arousal.

  
“That’s it, doll. Cum for me.” He coaxed, hands still guiding your hips in their movement.

“O-oh god..Negan!” You moaned. There was a white-hot pleasure building in your body, like a coil ready to snap at any moment. The pleasure grew in intensity, until it was nearly unbearable. Negan’s head dropped to your neck, sucking a mark on the fragile skin. One of his hands cupped your clothed, wet heat, pressing down on exactly where you needed it most.

“Oh fuck!” You came with a gasp, riding the waves of pleasure. Your eyes screwed shut, eyebrows furrowing, muscles contracting. You struggled to catch your breath, your movements coming to a halt. Your forehead was pressed to Negan’s again as you regained your composure. 

You sat in this position for a long while, staring into each other’s lust-filled eyes. Your cheeks were pink with arousal. Negan’s finger pulled down the edge of your collar, seeing the flush move down your chest.

“I’ll be gone for a few days.” He sighed. “Scavenging trip. I want you to sleep in my room until I get back.”

“I think I can do that.” You smiled lightly.

~~~~~~~~~

NEGAN’S POV

~~~~~~~~~

  
  
  


_ I’m in way too deep. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it happened. I swear these characters hijack this story. It sort of writes itself.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please leave kudos and comments to let me know what you think!


	12. Is Everyone Okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Not really..we’re on our way home...Negan’s...upset.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short, so I apologize. It's really just a plot lead-up to the next chapter, which is going to be my favorite so far.
> 
> Also, sorry for the lack of Negan. You'll get your fix next chapter. ;)

Negan has been gone for 2 days. He gave you a walkie-talkie, which you could talk into if you ever needed help. You did as he said, sleeping and showering in his room. 

After what happened the other day, you received some uneasy looks at work. You knew that people talked, and you were sure that you were the subject of the gossip lately. 

A few people asked you about Negan because they saw you walking together. “Are you his new wife? I thought his wives don’t work.” They said. 

Speaking of wives, you figured you would take the time to finally meet them. You headed upstairs after your shift, planning to stop by the wives’ side of the upper floor. You were surprised you never really came into contact with any of them, but seeing as they didn’t work, it made sense. The thought of sitting up there all day seemed suffocating to you. You realized you would need to have a talk with Negan about the dress incident when he got back. 

You knocked on the door leading to the wives’ living area, waiting for a response. There was a guard to your right, who recognized you and let you inside. You stepped into the lavish living room, looking around awkwardly. There were soft couches, a bar, and fancy rugs covering the floors. 

One woman came out of a joining room, eyeing you suspiciously. She had long blonde hair and mousy features. 

“Hi! I’m uh.. Negan’s friend.” You introduced. 

“Negan’s friend that he lets sleep in his bed? Yeah, right.” She commented with a bitter laugh.

“I’m sorry. I don’t think we’ve met before?” You responded, trying to remain friendly.

“Yeah, we have actually. You’re the one who ran into me in the hallway and then ran away..?” 

_ Shit. Right.  _ You thought. You had been so panicked at the time that you didn’t take inventory of who you spoke with.

“I’m sorry about that..” You said, cringing at your past actions.

“Is there something you want..?” She asked in an irritated tone.

“I just wanted to introduce myself, we live on the same floor and we’ve never even met! I’m (Y/N).”

“Amber.” She responded. 

Another woman appeared out of the back, asking “Who’s that?” 

“I’m (Y/N), I live down the hall.” You said with a smile. 

“(Y/N)? He totally said your name when he was fucking me the other night.” The new woman said.

Your eyes widened, cheeks flushing. “Oh! Uh..” You laughed nervously, trying to figure out what to say.

“I’m Sherry.” She said. You smiled at her, before Amber interjected.

“So are you fucking him?” Amber asked.

“What? No, I mean, we’re just friends. I-” You stuttered.

“Honestly, fucking him is the only good thing around here, so can you back off?” She added.

“Amber-” Sherry warned.

You stared at her for a second, trying to allow your mind to catch up with the conversation.

“Like I just said, Negan and I aren’t fucking.” You gritted, becoming more defensive as the conversation went on.

“No offense, but you’re not really wife material. We all  _ take pride  _ in our appearances.” Her eyes widened, regarding you with judgmental eyes. 

“Amber!” Sherry scolded.

_ I’m gonna start throwing punches.  _ You thought.

“Well, it was nice meeting you both. I’ll see you around!” You tried your best to smile as you turned around and showed yourself out. 

You returned to Negan’s room, flopping down on the bed in defeat.  _ No wonder he doesn’t sleep with them, they’re fucking annoying.  _ You thought. You began ruminating on the conversation, feeling more offended than you should have. You laid there for a long time, trying to sort through some of the upset. 

_ He can never be yours. You can love him all you want, but he’ll never love you back.  _ Your critical inner-dialogue began to discourage you.

_ Do I love him?  _ You asked yourself. Moving to lay your head on one of Negan’s pillows, you inhaled his scent. It brought you back to your time on the roof a couple days ago. 

_ Do I love him?  _

_ No.  _ You thought.  _ He’s too unpredictable. He can’t give you what you need. He’s too...Negan...for you. _

You felt your stomach growl, signaling that it was time for dinner. Picking up your walkie-talkie, you headed down the stairs and towards the mess hall. It seemed quiet because Negan, Simon, and many of the inner circle were on the scavenging trip.

“Hey! Mind if I sit here?” A new voice asked. You looked up, being met with kind, dark eyes. A young man stood in front of you, holding his tray. He had chin-length dreadlocks and a pearly smile.

“Not at all!” You pulled your tray closer towards you as we sat across from you. 

“I’m RJ. I don’t think we’ve met.” He smiled. 

“I don’t think so! (Y/N).” You smiled back. 

“How long have you been here?” RJ asked.

“Hah.. Funny story actually-” You started, but you were cut off by the crackling of your walkie.

_ “(Y/N)?”  _ A man’s voice called out. You smiled at RJ, holding up a finger to signal that you’d be back in a minute. You rose from your chair, heading out into the hallway.

_ “(Y/N).” _ He called again. 

“Yeah, I’m here. Who is this?” You asked.

_ “My name’s Alan.”  _ He said. His voice was hesitant, as if preparing to give bad news.

“Everything okay?” You asked.

_ “Not really..we’re on our way home...Negan’s...upset.”  _

“About what?” You asked.

_ “Uh.. He’ll probably tell you when he gets in. You should prepare yourself.” _

“Alan. Is everyone okay?” You pushed.

Silence.

“Hello?” You asked.

Another pause.

_ “Simon’s dead.”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, cliffhangers. Sorry guys. Next chapter will be up by tomorrow at the latest. As always, comments and kudos make my day. Thank you for reading!


	13. Did You Do It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Did you kill him?” You asked gently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a angsty rollercoaster. It's definitely one of my favorite chapters so far. I hope you enjoy it.

You stood in the darkened yard, watching as the trucks pulled in through the gates. You saw Negan’s truck at the front of the line, headlights shining. The other trucks filed in next to his, parking in their usual spot.

You watched as a few men got out, heads hung in despair. The yard was quiet as a grave, only the sounds of shuffling feet echoing around you. Negan got out of his truck, wearing a stone cold expression. His jaw was set tight, shoulders square. He held his bat with a strong grip, its wooden surface resting on his shoulder. Everyone outside dropped to their knees.

You took a step towards him, but he completely overlooked you and stormed inside. The door slammed behind him, echoing through the space around you. 

You turned quickly, heading inside after him. You ran into the stairwell, hearing his heavy footsteps as he climbed to his room. 

“Negan?” You called. No answer.

You started to climb, looking up the center of the stairwell every so often, hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

You continued to climb, chest heaving from the exertion. You arrived on his floor, bumping into his guard on the way.

“Where are you going?” You asked him.

“He sent me away.” The guy shrugged. “You probably should go in there.” He warned. You ignored him, turning and heading down the hallway to Negan’s room. 

As you reached the door, you heard a loud crash from behind it. You tried the doorknob, and it was locked. 

More crashing. Shattering, banging, slamming. The room was filled with a cacophony of destruction. 

“Negan!” You yelled, continuing to bang on the door. When you realized he wasn’t going to open it, you stood back. Preparing to kick the door down, you bent your knees and threw all your weight into your foot. The door didn’t budge. 

“Negan, let me in.” You yelled. You patted your pockets, searching for something to pick the lock. You realized you had two bobby pins clipped to your sneaker from when you used to scavenge on your own.

You knelt down, picking the lock as quickly as you could. When you felt the lock click, you turned the pin and pushed the door open. 

Silence. As the door opened to reveal the room, you were met with destroyed furniture. There was broken glass and papers strewn about. The dressers were laying on their sides. The picture frames had been ripped off the walls. In the center was Negan.

His chin was lifted slightly, teeth gritted. His eyes were red and glassy. His chest rose and fell with tired breath. His arms hung at his sides loosely. You stood in silence listening to his panting breath. You had never seen Negan look so utterly destroyed before.

You gently shut the door, trying to find the right words to say. He quickly stormed towards you, glass cracking under his boots.

He reached you, smashing his lips against yours in a heated kiss. His hands cupped either side of your jaw and he backed you towards the door. Your lips worked against his, rushed and swollen. He guided your mouth open, delving inside with his tongue. You moaned lightly, letting him dominate you the way he needed to. Your lips remained connected as he stooped down and hooked his hands under your thighs, lifting you up. You wrapped your legs around him as he continued to kiss you roughly. His hands palmed your ass, tearing a moan from your lips. He moved away from the door and in another direction. 

He threw you down onto the bed, desperately grasping at your shirt. He ripped it over your head, guiding you onto your back again. He pulled off your bra next, diving down to lick and suck at your neck. His hands came to the button of your pants, ripping those down with your underwear as well.

“Negan-” You gasped.

He pulled his own shirt over his head, silencing you with another passionate kiss. He moved to unbutton his jeans, freeing his impressive erection. His lips returned to your neck, one hand coming to guide your leg open. You opened willingly for him, feeling him line himself up with your wet heat.

In one smooth motion, he pressed inside of you. You moaned, feeling your walls stretch to accommodate him. He began thrusting with fervor. You could feel his hot breath fan across your neck, your body rocking with his. Your hands wrapped around his back, gripping him tightly.

“I love you.” He breathed, almost too quiet to hear. 

“I know.” You whispered, your lips next to his ear. The speed of his thrusts picked up, causing you to moan loudly. Your body moved with his, feeling his large body tense around you. He growled, releasing deep inside of you. His breathing continued to be loud and heavy.

He pulled out of you, still remaining on top of you. You felt his chest jump as he sobbed quietly into your neck. You could feel warm tears run down your shoulder. You ran your hands up and down his back, trying your best to comfort him. 

“Shh..It’s okay. It’s okay.” You whispered as he continued to cry. 

You laid like this for a long time, until Negan grew quiet and his muscles relaxed a fraction.

“Let’s go shower.” You said gently. You both stood up, standing face to face. You cupped his cheek, wiping away a stray tear. His face was hardened, but his eyes were full of grief. You took his large hand in yours, leading him to the bathroom. 

You turned on the shower, waiting for it to get warm. You motioned for him to get inside, following behind him. He was completely silent now, letting you take the lead.

He faced the wall, pressing his forehead against the cold tile. You stood next to him, soaping your hands up with his body wash. It smelled like him, earthy and masculine.

You ran your hands along his chest, massaging his muscles as you went. Your hand looked dwarfed in comparison to his large frame. You ran down to his belly next, feeling the muscles beneath his skin. He just continued to watch you, grief taking his voice away. You picked up his right hand, massaging soap into his calloused palm.

“Did you kill him?” You asked gently.

“Yeah.” He sighed. His jaw ticked.

You didn’t say anything more, washing and massaging the rest of his upper half. You noticed he was hard again, his erection pointing upward. You searched his profile for any emotion, but found nothing there. 

You spread the soap gently over his erection, hearing his hiss through his teeth. You watched his features closely as you tightened your grip, slowly moving your hand from top to bottom. His belly tensed, and he let out a strained breath.

His forehead was still pressed to the tile wall, eyes watching your hand move over him. His jaw ticked with tension, evidence to you that this felt good for him. You sped up, hearing the slick sound of your hand wrapped around him. The bathroom grew steamy around you, hot water running down his back. 

You continued, until you felt him growl under his breath and release into your hand. His breathing was heavy again, cock twitching.You rinsed your hand, coming to stand facing him. He didn’t move from his spot.

“Look at me.” You breathed. He turned slowly, hazel eyes finding yours. They were bloodshot, with dark circles forming underneath them. You searched his eyes for what felt like hours. Your face moved closer to his, eyes following his lips. You gently kissed him, his brow furrowing slightly.

You gently finished washing his lower half, shutting off the shower. You led him out by his hand, wrapping a towel around him. You dried him off, motioning for him to follow you. Glancing down, you tried your best to avoid the broken glass with your bare feet. You climbed into bed, Negan settling in next to you. He laid on his back as you rested your head on his chest. 

You wanted to know what happened, but you didn’t press him to talk. He didn’t say another word as his breathing evened out and he drifted off to sleep. His arm wrapped protectively around your body, holding you tight.

Your head was reeling, trying to grasp everything that happened this evening. 

_ Negan loved you.  _

When had he said that last? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments.


	14. Pillow Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Always in that head of yours, doll.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're gonna need a shower after this one. Sorry everyone.

You woke up early, the world still dark around you. Negan was fast asleep, exhaustion evident in his features. You shifted around him, stretching your legs out under the warm blankets. You laid your head on the pillow next to his, turning on your side to face him.

He stirred, cracking his tired eyes open and turning to you.

“Morning.” He drawled. 

“Morning.” You smiled lightly. “How are you feeling?” 

“Like  _ shit _ , doll.” He said. His morning voice was even deeper and more gruff than usual. “Could be worse, though.” 

You smiled, looking back at him with fondness.

“I don’t know what the fuck came over me last night, sweetheart. I’ll make it up to you.” He said.

“You don’t need to do that.” You brushed off.

“Doll, I swear to god I’ll make you so goddamn horny you’ll be begging.” He chuckled.

You snorted. “I doubt it.” You rolled your eyes teasingly.

He rolled on top of you, smirking through his salt and pepper stubble. You couldn’t take your eyes off him, taking in his handsome face.

“You really want to test me on that?” He drawled with a smile. Before you even answered, his lips were on your neck, gently kissing your skin.

You sighed. “Maybe. I’ll see if I can pencil you in.” He bit down then, causing you to yelp and giggle. You felt him gently blow on the bite, sending a chill down your neck.

“You have no idea the fucking  _ blue balls,  _ darlin’.” He said, moving his lips down to your collarbone. You hummed, closing your eyes to focus on the feel of his lips. He moved lower now, placing wet kisses along your chest. When he got to your nipple, he swirled his tongue. You gasped, arching towards him.

“So goddamn  _ responsive.”  _ He groaned, teasing your nipple again. When his teeth closed around it, you let out a quiet moan. Your skin broke out in goosebumps as he moved lower. He held himself up with one hand, the other coming to tease your nipple. He kissed down your belly, making your breathing speed up. When you lifted your hips toward him he gave a sound of warning, pressing them down with his free hand. 

“Don’t fucking move.” He ordered, voice gentle and honeyed. He spread your legs wider, resting between them. He kissed along your thighs, never settling where you ached for him. You curled your toes, trying your best to stay still. When he licked a long stripe up your wetness you gasped, gripping the sheets to stay still.

“Good girl.” He praised, eyes focusing on the apex of your thighs. “You taste fucking delicious, sweetheart.” He gruffed.

He descended on you now, mouth closing over your sensitive bundle of nerves. You moaned out, bucking up towards him. You heard him chuckle, continuing to press his lips against you. His tongue swirled, sending aching pleasure up your spine.

He added a finger, causing you to whimper his name. He growled, sending vibrations through your clit. His finger crooked, causing you to see stars. His tongue continued to swirl expertly around your aching flesh, two fingers filling you up now. He drove his fingers into you in strong strokes. 

The familiar coil began to build within your belly, pulling more gasps and moans from your lips. 

“Negan-” You moaned. He looked up at you, smiling his pearly smile, taking amusement in your pleasure-driven breakdown. 

  
“You gonna come for me doll?” He asked, smile still shining. You tensed, panting faster and faster, and then the sensation was gone.

He pulled his fingers away, watching your legs shake with unquenched arousal.

“Negan- please!” You begged, brain foggy with desperation.

“Now, I said I’d make you desperate enough to beg, doll. Get to it.” He smiled, taking amusement in his antics. 

You whimpered, hips rising in search of any friction. “Please..” You breathed, putting on the best puppy-face you could.

“That was fucking  _ weak _ doll.” He chuckled.

“Please, Negan! I need it. Please.” You started to get worked up, willing to give almost anything. 

“Easy, sweetheart. I got you.” He calmed you down, slowly inserting two fingers inside you again. You sighed, closing your eyes with pleasure.

His mouth returned again, swirling and sucking at your clit. His fingers pumped harder, curling expertly to reach the right spot inside you. 

“Negan I’m gonna-” You gasped, being overtaken by blinding pleasure. Your body writhed, eyes screwing shut as your rode out the waves of it. Your toes curled, back arching and twisting. You took a moment to come back to reality, looking down at Negan through hooded eyes. 

He was licking your juices from his fingers, pulling them out of his mouth with an obscene ‘pop’. “Sweet as fucking honey.” He drawled.

He climbed up to lay next to you, both of you on your sides facing each other. You laid in comfortable silence for a while, trying to figure out what to say.

“We need to talk, Negan.” You sighed. He hummed in response.

You took a breath before continuing. “What happened yesterday?” You whispered, concern in your eyes.

Negan turned onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. He sighed, seeming deep in thought before speaking.

“We were scavenging this old school building. I told him to finish clearing it out.” He sighed. “He could have handled it, but the door got stuck and then there were too many walkers to take down.” You filled in the details yourself. 

“I’m sorry.” You said quietly. 

“Sorry doesn’t do shit for dead guys, doll.” He sighed. You didn’t bring it up again. 

You climbed on top of him, holding yourself up by your hands and knees. You looked down at him before lowering to capture his lips. You kissed gently for a moment, his hands coming up to caress your waist. 

He looked up at you, fondness revealing itself in his eyes. You kissed again, becoming more passionate. Your lips opened, welcoming his tongue inside. After a moment, your lips parted slowly. 

“Marry me.” He breathed, lips brushing against yours. 

“I can’t do that.” You responded softly. You lined yourself up with his cock, slowly sliding down onto it. Both of you sighed as your lips found his neck, kissing the stubble there. Your hips slowly began to move, trying to accommodate his length. 

“I met your wives.” You sighed. 

“How’d that go?” He spoke into your ear, hugging your body close to his. He gently thrust upward into you. 

“If telling me that I’m ugly and I should back off are good things, I’d say pretty good.” 

“It was Amber wasn’t it? That woman can be such a bitch.” 

You laughed lightly, feeling Negan’s belly tense at the sensation of your body tightening.

“I’m not meant to be in a trophy case, Negan.” You said softly. You moaned quietly as you raised and lowered your hips to meet his. “I can’t sit up here looking pretty, not earning my keep. It’s suffocating.”

He rolled you now, keeping your bodies tightly bound. You were on your back, Negan’s thrusting speeding up slightly. He kissed you, slowly and completely. You let out a breathy moan into his mouth.

His hand came down, coming to rub firm circles on your clit. You gasped, taking the pleasure he gave you. He stopped kissing you, angling his hips to hit the perfect spot. His thrusts became stronger, as did his hand. 

Your breathing sped up, arms coming above your head to grip the sheets. He pulled out, gently turning you onto your belly. You stayed laying down, hips angled upwards to accommodate him. He pushed back inside you, covering your body with his. His lips came to your ear, filling your head with the sound of his heavy breathing.

“I meant it when I said it yesterday, doll.” He breathed. You didn’t need him to fill in the blanks. 

His hand scooted underneath you, guiding your legs a bit wider to focus on the bundle of nerves between your legs. You moaned out, dropping your forehead onto the blankets. He kept the pace slow enough that you remained on the edge, never falling over it.

Then, he was turning you onto your back again, lifting your hips to rest higher in his lap. He thrusted into you, causing you to see stars at the new angle. His thumb continued to play with your aching clit, speeding up this time.

You felt the telltale sign of your climax, building deep within your belly. 

“Negan!” You cried, tensing with your climax shortly after. Your body squeezed around Negan’s cock, writhing with white-hot pleasure. He fucked you through it, groaning and clenching his jaw. He dropped your hips, leaning on one hand over top of you. He quickly pulled out and pumped his shaft. 

Warm, white cum painted your belly as you watched Negan. You were mesmerized by the way his body tensed, his hand gripping tightly around himself. You listened to his breathing even out as he flopped onto his back next to you. 

You turned your head, regarding him with satisfied eyes. He handed you an old t shirt, which you used to wipe off your belly. You turned on your side, mind wandering to Negan’s proposal.

“Always in that head of yours, doll.” He gruffed.

“I’m just thinking.” You said.

“About?” He asked, turning to face you.

“I can’t share you, Negan.” You sighed. “As much as I wish I could, I can’t think about you fucking four other women.” Your eyes found his. 

“I don’t love any of them.” He said. 

You sat in silence for a moment, unable to find the right words to say. 

“Do you love me?” You whispered.

“I didn’t think I could fucking feel love anymore, doll. After the world going to shit, after Lucille…” He trailed off. “All I know is that things aren’t so fucking suffocating if you’re mine.” He finished. 

Negan rolled on top of you again, hair disheveled. He kissed you deeply, hands wandering to knead your bare ass. 

“Negan-“ You tried to say. He hummed, moving to kiss your neck as you spoke. “We can’t stay here all day. We need to clean up and you have work to do.” You scolded.

“Let someone else fucking clean it up, doll. Perk of being fucking leader around here.” His hand wandered, opening your thighs.

“Negan-“ You pushed at him, giving him a scolding look when he moved away. 

He laid down on his pillow, smiling. “Shower?” He asked. 

You sat up, finally surveying the room around you. The shattered glass reflected the morning light, sitting atop strewn papers and smashed furniture. You felt really bad for whoever would be ordered to clean this up. 

You tip-toed across the room, Negan in tow. You turned on the shower, stepping inside as soon as it was warm. The air was chilly, causing goosebumps to raise on your flesh. Negan stepped in beside you, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind. His lips came to your neck again, causing you to sigh and drop your head onto his shoulder. 

“We’re never going to get anything done.” You teased.

“Who the fuck cares.” He mumbled against your skin. You turned to him, dipping your head back to wet your hair. 

“We have a lot of shit we need to work out.” You said.

“I can’t fucking talk to you until you have clothes on, sweeheart.” he chuckled, running his hands along your body. 

“You’re insufferable.” You giggled, kissing him through your smile.

You finished showering, swatting at Negan’s hands when they gravitated towards your body. When you got out, you dried off and got dressed in one of Negan’s t shirts. 

“Good? Can we talk now?” You asked, opening your arms to your sides.

Negan finally agreed, suggesting that you both take a walk to the roof while someone cleans up. You didn’t know who he ordered to do so, but you felt bad for them. 

You followed him to the roof, pulling the tarp off the couch and settling down. He reclined similarly to the way he had a few days ago, with his feet up on the roof’s edge. You crossed your legs, facing him. You didn’t stay like that for long, Negan pulling you into his lap a few seconds later.

You sat facing him, knees on either side of his hips. Your arms were slung around his shoulders, inspecting his handsome face. 

“I don’t know what to do..” You breathed, shattering the joyful mood. Negan didn’t say anything, waiting for you to continue. You couldn’t find the words.

“I can’t love you, Negan...I can’t share you…” You wore grief in your eyes. 

“I’m not gonna lie to you, doll. I’m not a one-woman kind of guy.” He sighed.

“Then we can’t continue with this..” You said sadly.

He kissed you, as if he was trying to sear his memory with what your lips felt like. It felt too much like a goodbye.

“We’re going out to scavenge again in a few days. I want you to come.” He spoke against your lips.

“Okay.” You answered softly. You put your forehead against his, sitting in silence for a long while. You looked downward, soaking in the feeling of his hands running along your thighs. 

“Did you bury him?” You asked gently.

“Yeah. I had to put him down myself.” He said.

You didn’t say anything else, instead resting your head on his shoulder. You stayed embraced like that until well into the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments. I tried to make this one mostly lighthearted, and I honestly really liked the conversation between OC and Negan.


	15. Familiar Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, this will be fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is huge. Also, I feel like it's all over the place, but hopefully it's still okay. I hope you enjoy!

You decided against sleeping in Negan’s bed again. You figured it would only complicate things more. After your talk this morning, along with the  _ other  _ activities you did together, you were exhausted. 

After speaking with Negan on the roof, you clocked in to your job. You spent the day washing linens, before heading back upstairs to rest. Negan had left you a tray of food, which was much more decadent than what they serve at the mess hall.

Now it was around 11:00 PM, and you were lying awake in bed. Your heart felt heavy knowing that Negan wouldn’t change for you, but you knew you couldn’t ask that of him. You heard your door open gently, Negan’s large frame stepping inside. 

“Hey.” You said. 

“Hey doll. Just coming to say goodnight.” He drawled. 

You stood up, coming to stand in front of him. He leaned down, ready to press his lips to yours. You turned away, brow furrowing with worry. 

“Do you do this for your wives too?” You whispered. 

Negan took a long breath in and sighed. 

“I’m sorry, Negan. I wish I could do it but I just can’t.” You breathed. 

He crowded you, bringing his hands to rest on your hips. He craned his head, his lips only a few inches from your ear. 

“Then tell me you don’t feel it.” He whispered.

You hesitated, breath naturally picking up due to your closeness. 

“Tell me, doll.” He pressed.

“Please don’t torture me..” You breathed. Your eyes became glassy as you fought back tears. Your turned from him, trying to hide your emotions.

“I can’t do this with you. It needs to be all or nothing.” You said quietly.

He came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. He spoke into your hair, “Spend the night with me.”

“I can’t, Negan.” You turned back to him, all the emotions flooding in now. You did a good job at ignoring them during the day, but now your resolve was fading. Betrayal filled your chest, fueling your words. “Who am I to you? You can’t keep playing with me like I’m some toy!”

“Watch how you fuckin’ speak to me, doll.” He warned.

“Who am I to you?” You pushed, voice raising slightly. He didn’t answer, looking harshly into your eyes. Still, you waited for him to say something.

“You know how I feel about you, (Y/N).” He said quietly, as if it was hard to say.

“Then act like it!” You shouted, stepping towards him.

He took the last step to you, capturing your lips in a searing kiss. He pulled away slowly, cupping your face in his hands. There were tears streaming down your face now. You felt a conflict within you, fighting between having or not having Negan.

“Please. Either pick me or let me go.” You whispered.

~~~~~~~

NEGAN’S POV

~~~~~~~

I was left with the hardest fucking choice of my goddamn life. She looked so hurt, like I fucking killed her family. I held her face in my hands, warring with myself about what to do. This was a turning point for us. I walk out of here, and she thinks I let her go. Let me make it real fucking clear, no one else can have her. If I see another fucker touch her, I’ll bash their fucking face in on the spot.

“I need to think, doll.” I sighed. Her lip quivered for a second, breaking my goddamn heart all over again.

I don’t love any of my wives. Honestly, they’re all too fucking dramatic. But a deal’s a deal, and I made one with all of them. 

I told her the truth. I’m not a one-woman kind of guy. I don’t have enough faith in myself for that shit. It’s better she knows now. (Y/N) turned, crawling into bed like some sleepy fucking angel. She turned to me, watery fucking eyes and all. 

“You should go.” She whispered.

I didn’t know what else to say, so I turned around and left. 

~~~~~~

  
  
  


~~~~~~~

NARRATOR’S POV

~~~~~~~

The morning light shined through the window and you groaned, pulling the blanket over your head. After you set your boundary with Negan two days ago, you hadn’t seen much of him. He continued to leave food in your room, and you hadn’t heard any sex noises through the wall, so nothing was too bad. Your heart hurt as if you were grieving a loss. In some way, you were. Negan wasn’t going to choose you, and you needed to move on.

You sat up, spotting a box sitting on the chair in the corner. You rose, toeing over to it in bare feet. A note sat on top.

_ Morning, doll, _

_ Scavenging trip is today. We leave at noon, so meet me at the yard ASAP. _

_ N _

You opened the box, seeing familiar throwing knives and a holster, as well as a practical outfit. You dressed quickly, enjoying the functionality of the leggings Negan gave you.

After stopping at the mess hall, you headed to the yard. You hoped there would be something to do there that would keep you busy.

“Good fucking morning, princess!” Negan greeted. You wondered how he was so activated in the morning.

“Morning, Negan.” You greeted with a small smile.

Negan had a duffel bag slung over one shoulder and Lucille over the other. There was an RV behind him with the door open. There were men busy at work in the yard, carrying gas canisters back and forth. Another group of men was unloading a truck, making room for what you would bring back tomorrow.

“You’re with me, doll.” Negan motioned, walking away. You speed-walked after him, trying to catch up with his long legs. He whistled as you walked, heading into the building. He led you to the armory, strutting inside. 

“Hip or thigh?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Uh, thigh?” You said, unsure of what he was talking about. He pulled out a thigh holster, coming up behind you. He wrapped the top strap around your waist, hands lingering there. You held your breath, finding it difficult to relax at such a close proximity.

Next, he came around the front of you, smiling down his nose before he scooped you up. You yelped, feeling him place you on the edge of the nearby desk. He stood between your open legs, amused at your pinked cheeks.

He looked down, capturing the next buckles, which clipped around your upper thigh. A shiver ran through you when his fingers brushed against your inner thigh. When he looked up again, his jaw was jutted sideways and he was much closer to your face. He looked down at you, eyes darker than usual. You stared back at him, feeling like a gazelle staring at the mouth of a lion. 

“You ready for tonight?” He drawled, eyes dipping to your lips for a second.

“Yeah.” You breathed, struggling to maintain composure.

“Then lets get the fuck going.” He said, a white smile across his handsome features.

~~~~~~~

You sat in the passenger seat of Negan’s RV, feeling the bumps of the road in front of you. If all went well, you would arrive at your next scavenging spot by morning.

You and Negan kept the conversation neutral, sticking to easy topics like the holidays you used to celebrate.

It was well into the night now, and you were beginning to doze off.

Negan clicked on his walkie-talkie, “Take a stop in this field. We’ll rest for a few and then get back to it.” 

_ “Okay boss.”  _ Another man responded. 

You felt the RV lurch to a stop in the field. The floor rocked subtly as Negan exited through the side door. You could hear him commanding his men, putting on his leader persona. You couldn’t help but feel a twinge of desire when he was in command.

You exited as well, stepping down the stairs and onto the grass.

You walked towards the others, who had weapons drawn and were ready to clear the area. 

You felt familiar hands come up behind you, Negan pulling you back towards chest. He reached his arms around you, loading a small pistol, pulling the slide back, and putting the safety on. He stuck it into your holster at your thigh.

“No guns unless it’s absolutely fucking necessary, do you understand?” He drawled, his deep voice right in your ear. You nodded. “Good girl.” He said, and then he was gone. You circled the cars, listening closely for any nearby growlers. 

One slowly approached you, so you grabbed a knife from your holster and stuck it between its eyes. It fell limply to the ground, making a gross slopping sound. After the rest of your perimeter check, Negan assigned a few people to keep watch and you returned to the RV.

Negan was reclined on the chair, sipping from a glass of whiskey. “Hey sweetheart.” He sighed.

You came in, sitting on the couch opposite to him. You yawned, stretching your arms up over your head. 

“You got the bed, darlin’.” He said.

You nodded, moving towards the back of the RV to climb onto the bed. Negan was still only feet away, hazel eyes on you as you laid down. As soon as your head hit the pillow, you let sleep claim you like a heavy blanket.

~~~~~~

_ Skin on skin. Negan laid you down, hands grabbing at wherever they could. You let out a moan. _

_ Stubble feeling rough against the inside of your thighs. Gripping his hair. Crying out in orgasmic bliss. _

Your eyes opened quickly, chest rising and falling in shallow breaths. It was so silent around you that you could hear the ringing in your ears.  _ Shit. A sex dream, really?  _ You thought, beating your brain up for supplying the imagery. 

You looked at Negan, who had dozed off on the nearby armchair. The space between your legs ached, desperate for release. You bit your lip, sliding back down onto the sheets. 

You laid there for a quiet moment, warring with yourself about what to do. Your brain was foggy with arousal, pushing your hand towards your waistband. It wasn’t a secret that you wanted Negan, but you didn’t want to appear desperate. 

Your hand slid inside of your pants, slowly circling your aching clit. You sighed against the subtle pleasure. Pressing a bit harder, you let your eyes close as you teased your sensitive nerves. 

Your fingers sped up, pressing firm circles into your clit. You breathing picked up, body tensing as you chased your release. 

“Having fun are we?” You jumped, pulling your hand away. Negan was standing in the open doorway, leaning against it with arms crossed. He had an amused smile on his face. 

Negan made a warning noise, “Don’t move, doll.” He said gently. 

You laid in silence, pupils blown and eyes focusing on him. Your cheeks burned with embarrassment.

“Take your pants off.” 

You hesitated, unsure if you wanted to play this game with him. You made a point to take a break from him, but somehow this moment had still been building up all day. Your foggy brain decided to listen to his commands. 

Your hands slowly slid your pants off under the thin sheet. 

“Shirt too, darlin’.” He drawled. He entered the room, moving to rifle through a nearby cabinet. You continued to undress as he did so, eyes watching for what he would do next. 

You sat up, covering your upper half with the sheet. He produced a rectangular box with a ribbon next, smirking as he approached you. 

“Can I touch you?” He asked softly. You nodded quietly. “That’s ain’t gonna fly tonight, sweetheart. Use your words.” He gruffed. You realized Negan was stepping into a different role now, one that was commanding and measured. You felt yourself slip into the opposite the more he spoke. 

“Yes.” You said quietly, cheeks burning in the dim light. Negan raised his eyebrows, waiting.

“S-sir.” You added. 

“Good girl.” He sighed. He climbed onto the bed, scooting to sit behind you. He pulled your hips towards him, your back pressed against his chest. You were sitting more than laying down, feeling Negan’s hot breath on your neck. Your knees were pressed together, but otherwise you were completely exposed to him. 

His arms came around your front, opening the box. Inside was a pink vibrator. It was curved at one end, with ribs against the curved side. Your breathing picked up as Negan took it out of the box and flipped it on. 

It made a quiet buzzing noise as Negan traced it along your bare belly. 

“Do you wanna try it?” He spoke into your ear, voice deep and rough. His voice alone sent a chill down your spine. 

“Yes sir.” You breathed. He traced it along your lower belly, his left hand gently guiding your legs open. His hand came under your knee, holding you open to him. 

He gently pressed the vibrator onto your already swollen clit. You sighed, feeling pleasure burn in your lower belly. 

Your hips tilted up towards him, pulling a chuckle from deep in Negan’s chest. “That feel good?” He asked. 

Your head lolled onto his shoulder, a quiet whimper leaving your lips. Negan slid the toy downwards, picking up the slick that was pooling there. 

He lined the toy up with your slit, gently pressing it in. You moaned out as it vibrated against your g-spot, clutching at Negan’s pant leg.

“Good girl,” He growled, sliding the toy in further. “That’s it, take it all.” He breathed. When it was fully seated inside of you, you felt a pleasurable stretch. 

Negan began slowly sliding it in and out, causing you to moan with pleasure. He gave a few strong thrusts before returning it to your clit. He pressed hard into your flesh, causing your legs to twitch and flinch. Your body jerked away, but his hand remained on your leg, holding you open. Your toes curled, bringing you other leg open. 

“Being such a good fucking girl for me.” He breathed against your ear. 

His hand left your leg, moving to tweak your nipple instead. You could only focus on the pleasure he gave you, playing your body like an instrument. He returned the toy, now slick with your juices, and pressed it into your heat. A few more strong thrusts and you were jerking in his grasp. Your hand reached back to grasp his neck, chest heaving with panting breath. 

“N-Negan!” You cried, feeling overwhelmed by the pleasure. 

“You don’t cum until I tell you to, understand?” 

“Yes sir.” You whined. The vibrator was back against your clit, and you felt a familiar pressure build in your lower belly. Negan only held the toy there for a moment before thrusting it back inside of you. 

He continued this cycle, switching quicker and quicker as you got closer to your orgasm. He would press the vibrating end to your clit for a few seconds, causing you to writhe in his lap. Then he would push it inside of you, pressing right against your g-spot. It was becoming unbearable. 

“Ohh fuck!” You cried. 

“Don’t fucking cum.” He warned. Your eyes screwed shut, your body tensing and twisting. 

“I can’t!” You whined, flinching away from his ministrations. Your breath was coming out in heavy gasps.

“Yes you can. Hold it, doll.” He cooed. “Doing so good for me.”

The coil in your belly pulled tighter and tighter, threatening to snap at any moment. 

“Cum for me.” He gruffed. Immediately after, you felt the scorching hot pleasure take over your body. You screwed your eyes shut, hips rolling in Negan’s lap. You panted as you came down from your high, trying to get a grip on reality. 

When you came back to your senses, Negan’s neck was craned, pressing light kissed to your shoulder. 

“You with me, doll?” He chuckled against your skin. You scooted from the space between his legs, standing up to throw your shirt back over you. 

“We can’t keep doing this.” You said quietly, still turned away from Negan. You heard him shift, planting his feet on the floor. 

“Maybe we should just stop fucking fighting it, darlin’.” He sighed.

“I told you not to torture me..I keep trying to keep my distance and then you-“ You motioned vaguely to the bed. A smile cracked on his face, finding amusement in the situation. 

“Sweetheart, it takes two to fucking tango. All you gotta do is say no.” 

You sighed, knowing you were as much to blame for this. You sat down on the bed next to him, avoiding his gaze. 

“I think I love you..” You whispered, barely audible. You felt so small next to him, especially now. 

“I know, doll.” 

~~~~~~~~

Negan left the bedroom, calling through his walkie for everyone to wake up and start driving. 

You sat on the bed for a moment before silently moving to the front of the RV, sitting in the passenger seat. The RV roared to life, driving at the front of the line to head to your destination. 

“Where are we scavenging?” You asked softly.

“It’s an old medical warehouse, one of our outposts found it.” He said.

“Oh that’s great! We could always use more medical supplies.” You said excitedly.

“We don’t know what kind of attendance we’re looking at, there could be people inside. I need you to understand it might get ugly.” He warned.

“I can handle it. I  _ was _ on my own before all of this.” You clarified.

“I know doll.” He chuckled. 

You continued to drive in silence, staring sleepily out the passenger window. The sun was just beginning to rise, bathing the landscape in a pale grey light. You looked over to Negan, watching as he focused on the road.

His jaw was decorated in a salt and pepper beard. You thought about how it felt against the sensitive skin of your neck.

He continued to drive until the sun rose, bathing the landscape in orange light. You squinted into it, basking in the warmth radiating through your window. 

“We’re here doll.” Negan said, before speaking into his walkie-talkie, “Everyone out, group B start clearing the back side. Group A take the front.” He commanded.

The trucks quickly parked in rows, men piling out and heading towards the building. The building was boring, with a stained, white exterior. It looked to be a single-floor warehouse.

You reattached your thigh holster, attaching your throwing knives to your arm. 

“(Y/N), you’re with me.” Negan said, clearly stepping into his leadership role. He strutted out of the RV, holding the door open so you could jump out as well.

You were standing there, Negan by your side. He swung his baseball bat menacingly, leather jacket decorating his shoulders. Then you heard shouting, watching as a small group of people was pushed out the front door.    
  


“Get down!” One of the saviors shouted. There were about ten people in the group, unarmed and with their hands above their heads. They were crowded at the front and forced to their knees.

Negan whistled. “Oh this will be  _ fun _ .” He smiled and leaned back on the emphasized word.

Negan continued to whistle, swaggering his way to the front of the group. You followed behind him, astonished at the persona he had taken on.

“Well look what we fucking have here!” He shouted, motioning to them with his bat.

You eyes scanned over the faces of the group.

Your heart skipped a beat.

“(Y/N)?” A shaky, familiar voice asked.

Your eyes landed on him.

“Peter?” You breathed.

“Who the fuck is Peter?” Negan asked. You stared at him, wide-eyed.

“My  _ husband _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave off on such a cliff hanger. I hope you enjoyed. I don't feel like this chapter was that strong, but please let me know what you think in the comments! Thank you for reading.


	16. Kill Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I-I thought you were dead..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, shit really hits the fan in this one. It's kind of short, but I felt that it cut off in a good spot for what is to come.

Tense silence spread through the open air. 

A man kneeling in front of you,  _ your husband. _

“I-I thought you were dead..” You breathed.

Peter moved to stand up. Negan made a sound of warning, “I don’t fucking think so.” He growled, one of the saviors shoving him back to the ground.

“(Y/N)..” Peter’s shaky voice said. His face was pale, with terror in his eyes. He looked up at Negan, and then back to you. “Do you know who this man is?” He whispered.

“I think we’re done fucking talking,  _ Peter.”  _ Negan warned.

“What?” You pressed.

“Doll-” Negan warned, his voice laced with anger.

“Peter?” You asked again. 

“If one more person lets so much as a  _ peep _ out of their fucking face hole, Lucille here is going to have a  _ really good time.”  _ Negan said sternly.

“Now,” Negan said, speaking to the whole group. “Allow me to introduce myself.” He swaggered, opening his arms to the side. “I’m Negan, this here is Lucille.” He crouched down next to one of the kneeling men.

“And she is  _ awesome _ .” 

You watched as Peter shook violently, a look of defeat on his face. You had never seen him look like this before.

“I know you!” Peter said, lunging at Negan violently. The saviors standing behind the group wrestled him away, holding him back by his arms.

Negan stepped forward menacingly, winding his hand back and punching Peter across the face. The saviors continued to hold him up, giving Negan space to continue.

“No!” You shouted. Negan continued to punch Peter in the face with all his might. You watched in horror as Negan beat him up. His eye was already swelling, nose and mouth dripping with blood.

Negan stepped back, shaking his hand off.

“Well that was something else.” Negan laughed. “That shit does not fucking  _ fly _ here!” He shouted, leaning back. Negan said, swinging Lucille in circles. You could hear sobbing from a member of the group.

“(Y/N)...” Peter gritted. “He killed your-”  **_BANG_ **

You screamed, ears ringing from the sound of the gunshot. All the members of the group were sobbing now, shaking with horror. Negan was standing in front of Peter, gun smoking. The saviors dropped his limp body, making a thud noise on the concrete.

You stumbled backward, trying to grasp the situation. Your eyes were wide with horror, chest heaving with panicked breath.

“Who? Who did you kill?!” You shouted, storming towards Negan.

“WHO DID YOU KILL!” You lunged at him, shoving him in the chest. Two saviors came behind you, dragging you away. You kicked and screamed, trying to escape their grasp.

“Get her in the RV.” Negan ordered. You struggled in your captor’s grasp, trying to break free. Next thing you knew, your knees were burning as they came into contact with the floor of the RV. The door slammed behind you, and the lock clicked.

The tears flowed then. You let out a strangled sob, feeling tears flow down your face. You collapsed on the ground, chest bouncing with uncontained sobs. You knew you could run, but the chance of dying in the woods was too high. You felt your muscles give out, unable to hold you up. You pressed your forehead to the ground, face twisting into a pained sob.

You were unsure of how long you laid there, finally seeing sunlight shine through the open door and onto your shaking frame. The door shut gently as Negan came inside. He leaned his bat quietly against the cabinet.

He crouched down next to you, sighing deeply. His hand lowered to move a piece of hair from your face. You flinched away. 

“Don’t touch me.” You warned.

“Don’t fucking test me doll. I’m one wrong word away from letting you and Lucille talk this out.” He growled. You sat up, scooting away from him so your back was leaned against the nearby chair. You pulled your knees up to your chest, avoiding his disappointed gaze.

“I can’t fucking let this go, doll. You’re pushing it talking to me like that behind closed doors, but in front of my men?” He chuckled darkly.

“Get up.” He ordered.

“Who was he talking about?” You whispered. “He was trying to tell me something and then you killed him.” You sobbed.

“You have  _ three fucking seconds,  _ sweetheart.” 

You stood up slowly, being dwarfed by Negan’s large body. Your eyes remained on the floor, grief written on your face.

“Look at me.” He demanded. When you didn’t move, he roughly grabbed your jaw and forced you to face him. He stared into your eyes for a moment, jaw ticking with anger.

“My only choices are to be with you or be alone, aren’t they?” You whispered through gritted teeth.

Negan let go of your jaw, levelling you with a cold stare. You turned, leaning your hands against the table. You hung your head.

“Just kill me then.” You whispered.

“I’m getting real fucking close, doll.” He threatened.

You turned in shock, staring at him with betrayal in your eyes. “You killed him because you don’t want me to know what a bad person you are.” You said with shock.

Negan’s jaw shifted sideways, but he didn’t say anything.

“Is that it, Negan?” You challenged, approaching him with head held high. “Who did you kill? Or are there too many to count?” You shook your head.

Negan quickly stooped down, throwing you over his shoulder. You screamed, kicking your legs and banging on his back.

“FUCK YOU!” You screamed. He threw you down on the bed, turning you on your stomach. His hands roughly yanked your pants down, exposing your rear.

“ARE YOU DONE BEING A FUCKING CHILD?!” He fumed.

“NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TRY, YOU’LL NEVER CONVINCE ME YOU’RE A GOOD PERSON!”  **_Smack!_ **

You body jerked as his hand landed on your ass, sending pain across your skin. He sat on the bed, dragging you to lay down in his lap. You tried to stand up, but he pushed you back down.

“Nope.” He said.

**_Smack!_ **

His hand landed on your other cheek, creating an angry red mark. You dropped your head, letting out a sob of defeat.

“You better start counting.” He warned.

**_SMACK!_ **

Harder than the last two.

“One.” You whimpered.

**_Smack! Smack!_ **

In rapid succession.

“Two. Three.” You cried.

**_Smack!_ **

“Four.”

**_Smack!_ **

“Five.”

**_Smack!_ **

“Six.”

**_Smack!_ **

_ “Please..” You whimpered. _

_ “I swear to god I’ll start over.” Negan growled. _

_ “S-Seven.” You said. _

**_Smack!_ **

**_Smack!_ **

**_Smack!_ **

“Ten.” You whispered.

Your ass was beat red, skin hot and stinging. Negan ran his hand gently over the angry skin in an attempt to soothe you. You sobbed in his lap, unable to control yourself. The worst part was that after everything, you couldn’t ignore the arousal pooling at your entrance.

Negan didn’t say anything, continuing to run his hand along your back. 

“Just kill me…” You cried.

“I’m not gonna kill you, doll.” He sighed, letting you slip off his lap and onto your knees on the floor.

“You’ll never let me be happy..” You sobbed, planting your forehead against his thigh.

“I can make you happy.” He said.

“No.” You shook your head.

“Not anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohoho things are ANGSTY in this chapter. I hope you enjoyed. As always, comments make my day, so leave them if you want. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such wonderful readers.


	17. Admission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t fucking lose you, doll.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short, but the next one is going up right now. It just flowed better with a space in the middle.

You sat on the bed as the RV bumped along the road. After your argument, both of you stormed to either end of the RV. Negan sat in the driver’s seat, focusing on the road.

You were at a loss for what to do now. You found the only living person from your past, and Negan shot him in the head. Now, you knew Negan was keeping a secret from you that you’ll never find out. Negan probably doesn’t even know, because you’re sure he wasn’t on a first name basis with whoever felt his wrath.

You felt empty inside. You finally started to let yourself love this man, and he ripped your heart out. Of all the horrors of this world, this was your fate.

When you arrived back at the sanctuary, you abruptly exited the RV and stormed away. You shoved through anyone in your way, immediately going inside. Negan didn’t chase after you.

You went up to your room, quickly gathering your meager belongings and shoving them in your bag. You threw the bag over your shoulder, ripping the door open.

You jumped back, realizing that Negan was standing in the doorway. 

“Get the fuck out of my way.” You gritted.

“Not a chance, dollface.” 

“Negan-“

“I suggest you be on your best fucking behavior, doll.” He warned.

“What are you going to do,  _ spank me?”  _ You snapped back. 

Negan took a deep breath. “Sit down.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.” You snapped. 

“Sit the fuck down and cool the fuck off, doll. You’re not leaving until we have a little chat.” He crossed his arms for emphasis. 

You huffed and sat on the bed, waiting for him to start talking. 

“I can’t have you doing that. Never again.” He started. 

“You can’t possibly blame this on me. We found my  _ husband _ , Negan. The only person from my past that I’ve ever had the chance to see again, and you put a fucking bullet in his head!”

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me?” He asked. 

“I thought he was dead. I never planned on seeing him again, and I moved on.” You said. You stood, walking to the window to look out. “Is this some stupid insecurity of yours, Negan?”

Negan didn’t respond.

“He didn’t deserve to die…He was trying to tell me something that I’ll never know.” You said sadly.

“It’s not important-“

“Bullshit!” You cut him off. “Why should you get to make that call?!” You shouted.

“Doll-“

“Why the fuck do  _ you  _ get to decide who lives and dies?!” You continued. Negan steeled his face, letting you shout for a moment.

“Huh? Why the  _ fuck _ did you kill him?!” You stormed towards him, shoving your hands at his chest. 

“Because I fucking love you!” He shouted back, standing up to challenge you. He sighed, collecting himself. “I can’t fucking lose you, doll.” He cupped your face, looking at you with concern. 

“Who did you kill, Negan?” You whispered, glassy eyes looking back at him. 

His hands dropped from your face, defeat flashing across his features. “They called him X.” He breathed. 

You felt your legs give out, Negan lunging forward to catch you. Next thing you knew, you were sitting on your mattress. You could feel your chest heaving, hyperventilating with panic.

“You killed-“ You stuttered, unable to find the words.

“You killed my dad?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really getting out of hand, lol. Next chapter is going up now.


	18. Forget Me Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I’m not quick to admit that I’m scared, but that shit fucking scared me."

You were running. Lungs burning, legs aching. You heard Negan call out behind you, but you were already gone. When you fled from the room, you were sure to grab the gun Negan had loaned you.

You pushed past anyone in your way, honing in on one specific target. The gates.

You sprinted across the yard, shouting, “Open the gate!” At the savior who was on duty.

When he didn’t move, you pulled your gun and held it to his head. You heard his walkie talkie go off,

_ “Let her go.”  _ Negan’s voice ordered. The man carefully opened the gate. You took off running as soon as you had the space.

There was a forest at your 10:00, which you headed towards right away. You heard the gate open again although you had put some distance between you and it.

There were a few zombies ambling towards you, but you ignored them. One of Negan’s trucks rolled over the landscape, approaching you quickly. You continued to run, realizing that more growlers were gathering nearby. Negan jumped out of the truck along with another savior, taking out the nearby zombies. Negan swung his bat with impressive strength, putting them down with one swing.

You turned, realizing there were three more heading towards you at a quick pace. You drew your gun, panicking at the closeness of them.

“No!” Negan shouted right before the  **_Bang_ ** sounded from your gun.

The walkers turned towards you. There were five of them now. A handful more limped out of the nearby woods, attracted by the sound. You could hear your heavy breathing in your ears as a dozen walkers approached you. You backed up, cornered on a rocky ledge. The drop wasn’t far, but you had to start fighting back. You couldn’t turn your back now.

Negan ran up, taking out one walker after the other. One of them reached for you with an oozing, bony hand. Another fell forward, knocking into your chest.

Then you were falling.

Only for a moment.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion. Negan angrily swinging his bat, eyes raising to find you. The muffled sound of your name. 

**_Crack._ **

Darkness.

**~~~~~~~**

**4 days later, Negan’s POV**

**~~~~~~~**

_ Beep. Beep. Beep. _

I sat at her bedside every day. Yeah I have a compound to run, but who fucking cares. It’s a miracle she’s alive after all that. I watched her fall, and she hit her head on the only fucking rock around. She was out then, completely vulnerable. There were seven fucking walkers between us. I’m not quick to admit that I’m scared, but that shit fucking scared me. I was a few seconds away from watching her get eaten alive.

By some fucking miracle, I pulled through. I broke my fucking hand in the process, but when I got to her, and I saw she was okay? You can’t replicate that genuine fucking relief. I scooped her up and ran back to the truck, trying to put pressure on the bleeding wound on her head. 

Jesus fuck, I’ve never been so fucking scared.

Thankfully, Doc had all the supplies he needed to nurse her back to health. I almost popped a fucking vein when he told me she might not wake up, but I knew she would. She was way too fucking stubborn for that shit.

I was lost in fucking thought when I felt her squeeze my hand. I looked up, finding tired eyes looking back at me. 

“Hey, sweetheart.” I whispered, trying to be easy on her headache.

She didn’t respond, making a small noise instead.

“I’m sorry we fucking fought, doll..” I said.

She looked up at me then, confusion in her eyes.

“What did we fight about?” She asked in a groggy voice.

_ Shit. Did she not remember? _

“What do you remember last?” I asked.

She thought for a second. Responding, “We were...on the roof. I think we were breaking up?” She asked.

She really didn’t fucking remember. Ho-ly shit.

“Yeah, doll. Like I said, I’m sorry we fought.” I said. “You fell and hit your head on the way down the stairs.”

What she doesn’t know wont hurt her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for how crazy this is getting. I hope everyone is still enjoying. (Also, 4 chapters in a day? Depression who?)


	19. Second Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I made a deal with those women, doll.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically just porn. Things are good with Negan and OFC right now, but we know that eventually the lies are going to come back to bite him.
> 
> Also yay! 20 chapters! I never imagined I would write a story this long. So far it's 83 pages, which seems pretty crazy to me.

It had been 1 week of sitting in the clinic. Doctor Carson said you had a severe concussion from your fall, but he didn’t say much else. He attended to you a few times per day, checking your eyes and blood pressure. Doctor Carson said you’d be able to return to your room today, but he recommended bed rest for another week.

Negan was at your side every day. You could sense guilt in his presence, but you didn’t ask him about it. It seemed uncharacteristic for him to care for you like this, but you accepted it all the same. You slept most of the time, but when you were awake Negan was there to talk to.

The clinic door opened, and Negan strutted in, holding a tray of food.

“Morning, doll! How we feeling today?” He smiled.

“Good.” You smiled softly. “Carson says I can go back to my room.” 

“Fucking beautiful, doll. Eat up and we’ll get the hell out of this place.” He said.

You finished eating, engaging in light conversation with Negan. You then gathered your belongings and headed upstairs. You followed behind Negan as he skipped past your room and went right to his.

“I can sleep in my own room.” You stated.

“Not a chance, doll. You’re here with me until you get better.” He winked at you, heading into the bathroom for a moment. You sat on the edge of his bed, already tired from the trip up the stairs. When he returned, he was holding a fresh t shirt and a pair of boxers.

“Better than that fucking hospital gown, darlin’.” He drawled. You stood up, turning your back to him as you undressed. 

“Negan?” You asked softly as your pulled your gown over your head.

“Hm?” Negan responded.

You pulled his shirt over your head, thinking about how to phrase your next sentence.

“Last time we talked before the fall.. We were breaking up..” You asked hesitantly. You stepped into the boxers, turning to face him.

He was close behind you, making you crane your head to look him in the eye. His hands settled on your hips. 

His jaw ticked, brow furrowing imperceptibly. “Yeah, doll. I fucking regret every second of it.” He sighed, regarding you with weary eyes.

“I know I asked you about leaving your wives..and you said you weren’t that kind of guy..” You said, avoiding his eyes. “Did that change at all?” You asked quietly.

Negan sighed, eyes dropping to your lips.

“I made a deal with those women, doll.” He said. Your heart sank. His eyes found yours again.

“I have to take care of them.” He continued. “But sex is off the fucking table with them.” 

Your eyebrows raised in surprise.

“I won’t touch with any of them, hell, I won’t even fucking look at them if that’s what you want.”

You couldn’t believe it.

“Are you sure?” You asked.

“You have my word, doll.” He said, a smile gracing his masculine features.

You rose to your tip-toes then, capturing his lips in a chaste kiss. A smile painted your face.

“Thank you.” You whispered, embracing him in a warm hug.

“Now get the fuck in bed and act sick before I fuck you into the goddamn mattress.” He chuckled against your hair. You giggled, climbing into bed and getting comfortable.

You laid down, gazing at Negan through sleepy eyes. He looked back at you with playful annoyance. 

“That doesn’t look sick to me, darlin’.” He drawled, trying to suppress a smile. You let out a pathetic, fake cough to emphasize. 

“Come lay with me.” You said.

“I got work to do doll. You sleep, I’ll be back later.” He leaned down, kissing your forehead before heading for the door. You watched as he picked up Lucille, swinging her over his shoulder and whistling as he left the room.

~~~~~~~

You woke gently, still in between sleeping and awake. You felt the bed dip, and warmth enveloped you. Negan pulled your body to his, holding you close to his chest. 

~~~~~~~

A gentle kiss on your cheek. Your jaw. Your neck. You stirred, making a sleepy noise as you basked in the gentle pleasure. Negan’s warm hands pushed your shirt up, exposing your soft skin inch by inch. He rolled you onto your back, pushing the shirt further up your torso. 

You felt cold air against your nipples, which was quickly soothed by a warm mouth. You gasped, eyes sleepily fluttering open.

“Nice of you to join us.” Negan said against your skin. His beard was growing in now, the prickly hair rubbing against your skin. He kissed your breast again before closing his lips around your nipple and swirling his tongue. You moaned quietly, arching your back towards him.

Negan repeated his actions on the other breast as you sleepily accepted what he offered you. His free hand wandered over your body, appreciating the curves that have appeared since you’ve been eating enough. 

You turned your head to the side, eyes closing. Negan kissed gently down your belly, occasionally sucking your skin to leave a purple bruise. He reached your boxers, pulling them over your hips. Your legs opened lazily for him, arms coming to rest over your head.

Negan’s lips trailed along your skin, laying praise on your inner thighs. You ached for him already, for his mouth on you. 

“Look at me.” He said softly. Your eyes blinked open, landing on his beautiful face between your legs. His hazel eyes remained on yours as he pressed a gentle kiss into your mound. 

Negan’s eyes closed again as he licked a firm stripe up your center. You gasped, whimpering when he growled against your skin. His tongue flicked across your bundle of nerves, sending pleasure coursing through you. You let out a breathy moan.

Negan’s tongue continued to swirl, occasionally sucking on your clit. It had been mere minutes of this and you were already a wet, writhing mess. He kept you on the edge for what seemed like hours, never letting you fall over. He added two fingers, crooking them in a “come hither” motion.

“Negan I’m so close, please!” You whined.

Negan pushed his pants down, continuing to play with your swollen clit with his free hand. He scooped up some of your slick, spreading it over his hardened cock. His fist wrapped around his cock, pumping himself up and down. 

“Jesus fuck, doll.” He groaned. “Make yourself cum.” He commanded. Your fingers came down to circle your clit, desperately chasing your own pleasure. 

“I’m g-gonna cum!” You moaned. “Oh god-“ you gasped, finally pushing yourself over the edge into ecstasy. You felt the pressure build, reaching a point of no return.

Your pussy started to squeeze around nothing, body arching on the bed. Suddenly, Negan pushed his cock inside of you, fucking you through the peak of your orgasm. 

You heard him groan, his fingers replacing yours on your clit. “So fucking tight.” He growled.

You weren’t paying attention to the obscene noises leaving your mouth as Negan thrust his cock in and out of you. One hand came to lean next to your head, and the other gently rested on your throat. He squeezed slightly, causing you to clench around his cock. 

“You like that sweetheart?” He drawled, his deep voice sending a new wave of arousal through you. He continued to pump in and out of you, filling the room with the noises of skin hitting skin.

Negan lowered over your body, pressing wet kisses to your neck and shoulder. He slammed into you a few more times, signaling his release with a groan into your skin. He pushed deep inside you, twitching there for a moment.

The room was filled with the sounds of your breath. Negan didn’t move for a few minutes, continuing to press his lips into your skin. When he did move, he shifted over to your side and pulled you into his chest.

“Negan?” You asked softly.

“Yeah doll?” He gruffed.

“...I love you.” You whispered. Negan’s arms tightened around you, and you felt that for once, the world was an okay place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think below. I love all of you.


	20. Starting Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t be a good man for you, (Y/N)."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnd all of it comes crashing down.
> 
> Sorry for the angst. Kind of.

You laid in Negan’s arms for a while, listening to his breathing even out. He looked tired, so you decided to let him rest.

You slid out from under his arm, toeing across the room towards the door.

You were getting stir-crazy being cooped up inside, so you decided to go grab dinner at the mess hall. You dressed in your old clothes and slipped on your shoes, heading to the ground floor. As you walked down the stairs, your head spun a bit due to the concussion. You clutched at the handrail to make sure you didn’t fall.

When you got downstairs, you walked to the mess hall. It was dinner time now, and you had arrived late. After you got your tray, you combed through the crowd, searching for a familiar face.

Across the room sat RJ, who you had only met once. You wondered how you had been here so long without meeting more people, but you assumed it was because Negan took up most of your time. He looked up, smiling at you as you crossed the room.

“Hey! Long time no see!” RJ said. 

“Same to you! How are you?” You asked. 

“Pretty good, (Y/N). And yourself? Shit, I didn’t think I’d see you again after last week.” He said.

“Oh god, I hope the whole sanctuary doesn’t think I’m some huge clutz!” You shook your head and cringed.

“Clutz? Nah.” He covered the side of his face with his hand, whispering to you, “What you did was badass.” 

“Falling down the stairs and getting knocked out?” You laughed, confused about what he was saying.

RJ looked confused, furrowing his brow.

“No, I mean what happened on the last mission? I heard all about it from one of my buddies.” He clarified.

“Mission?” You were really confused now. 

_ A flashed image: You were standing in front of a group of people. They were kneeling. _

He stared at you for a second, trying to put two and two together.

“Are you okay?” He asked with concern.

You stood up abruptly, concern painting your features as you left your tray at the table. You weaved through the crowd, heading straight for the stairwell.

You speed-walked down the hallway, running into one of your coworkers on the way. A woman you became friends with in the laundry room.

“Hey!” You touched her shoulder to get her attention. “When was the last scavenging trip?” You asked with haste. 

“I think a week ago?” She said, confused at your question.

“Was I there?” You asked, voice shaky.

“Uh, yeah, I think? You haven’t been to work since then.” She said.

You stepped backward, making a beeline for the stairwell. You sprinted up the stairs two at a time, breath coming out in panicked gasps.

You burst into Negan’s room, door slamming against the opposite wall.

Negan looked up from his desk, black glasses resting on his nose. He was in the middle of writing something on a ledger, pen in hand.

You stared for a moment, losing the ability to speak.

“Doll?” He asked, sensing your panic.

“Did I..forget?” You breathed. Negan’s jaw ticked, but his face remained steeled.

_ A flashed image, your husband was there. He looked up at you. _

“Negan.” You pushed.

Still, he stayed silent.

_ A flashed image, two men holding your husband up by the arms. His face bloody. _

“Did you lie to me?” You asked, voice more aggressive now.

“Doll-” 

“No! Don’t ‘doll’ me. There was a scavenging trip a week ago, and  _ I was there.”  _ You said, voice shaking.

Negan stood, rounding his desk. He stood in front of you with arms crossed.

_ A flashed image. A gun. Pointing at him. A scream. _

“WHAT DID YOU DO?!” You lunged at him, throwing your fist at his face. He stumbled back a step before catching your arms.

“WHAT DID YOU DO, NEGAN!?” You screamed, wrestling against his grip.

“Stop!” He said.

“NO!” You said, quieter now.

“Stop.” He repeated, stilling your hands.

“What did you do..” You were crying now, the fight leaving you. You felt Negan’s strong arms encompass you, wrestling you to stay still.

“I’m sorry, doll.” He whispered.

“No…” You whispered. You backed up from him, looking at him with tears in your eyes. “Why?” You whispered. Negan didn’t have a response. He just looked at you with grief-filled eyes.

“(Y/N)-”

“Get out.” You whispered. You kept your eyes on the ground, watching your tears fall there. 

“I’m not going anywhere, doll.” Negan argued.

You stormed to the bathroom, slamming the door behind you as the tears took over. You slid down the door, sobbing violently. Negan didn’t say anything, your ears ringing with the deafening silence. You weren’t even thinking of anything, a constant loop of  _ ‘Why?’  _ playing in your head.

“(Y/N). Listen to me, love.” Negan’s voice sounded from the other side of the door, muffled through the wooden surface.

“Doll, please. Talk to me.” __

You wiped your eyes, looking up in an attempt at fighting the flowing tears.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” You said quietly.

“Just listen to me, doll.” Negan sighed. “Please.”

You sat in silence for a minute, considering his plea.

“Tell me what happened.” You said.

Silence on the other side.

“We’re done then.” You gritted.

“Wait. I’ll tell you.” Negan said. He sighed, and you could hear the swishing of a drink in a bottle. 

“Simon fucking died. I came home, and the only thing I could fucking do was be with you. I couldn’t fucking cope with it, doll. And then I brought you on the mission, and I thought we were finally going to be fucking okay for once. We go out to see the sons of bitches we flushed out of the warehouse, and your fucking husband was there. I didn’t even know you had a goddamn husband.” He said, pausing to take another drink. You heard him sigh, sitting on the floor on the other side of the door. When he spoke again, his voice was closer.

“He fucking attacked me in front of my men, and I couldn’t fucking have that. I was so fucking mad because I couldn’t fucking stand the idea of another man putting his goddamn hands on you. He tested my fucking patience, and I lost my shit, doll. Then he fucking tries to tell you something I didn’t fucking want you to know, so I put a bullet in his fucking head.” He admitted. You sat, mouth open slightly, eyes tearing up uncontrollably. You let him continue. 

“Then you fucking attack me, so I have you locked in the damn RV. We get in a huge fucking fight, and drive home in the most tense silence I’ve ever goddamn experienced. You kept pushing for the goddamn secret you didn’t finish hearing, and I told you.” He pauses then.

You sit in deafening silence for a moment, static on the other line.

“I killed your dad, (Y/N).” He said. Your hand rose to your mouth, muffling a quiet sob.

“No..” You whispered, face twisting into a pained expression.

Negan didn’t say anything for a long while. You sat with your backs together, only the door separating you. Your knees were pulled to your chest as you cried silently.

“You found out, and you fucking ran. A bunch of walkers started coming towards you. You fucking fell down...I thought for sure you’d been bit…” His voice seemed strained at the end.

“I’ve never been so goddamn scared before, sweetheart.” He breathed. He seemed to be fighting back his own tears.

You stood up, turning the door knob and gently opening the door.

Negan stood, meeting your eyes with his. They were bloodshot and glassy, full of emotion.

“I can’t-” Negan said, mouth twisting into a choked up grimace. “I can’t lose you, doll.” He whispered, barely audible. His chin quivered, fighting back tears.

You stood, arms at your sides. You were unsure of whether you wanted to run towards him or far, far away. 

You took a step forward, letting Negan close the distance. His strong arms were enveloping you then, holding you as if you’d float away. His body shook with light sobs. Yours did too.

“I can’t be a good man for you, (Y/N). But I know I love you more than I’ve loved anything in a hell of a long time.” He whispered into your hair.

“I know.” You whispered back.

Then, Negan’s hand was angling your face up, making you look at him. He pressed his lips gently to yours. You kissed him back, letting him guide your lips open. Your tongues danced with each other’s as you sighed into the kiss. Negan was cupped your face before his hands searched down your body. They settled on your hips, pulling you closer to him.

He ducked his head then, pressing gentle kisses to the skin under your ear. You sighed, hands coming to twist into his t shirt. His lips continued to kiss along your neck, teeth biting at the junction of your shoulder and neck. 

“Negan-” You said.

He continued his ministrations, hands massaging along your sides.

“Negan.” You called gently, stilling him with your hands.

His hazel eyes settled on yours, pupils blown with desire.

“I need time...” You said quietly. Negan’s brow creased slightly. 

“Stay here with me.” He insisted.

You looked back at him, seeing vulnerability in his eyes.

“Can we start over?” You breathed.

“I think that’d be a great fucking idea, doll.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. OC and Negan are going to be A-OK, it's just going to take some time.
> 
> If you want, you can let me know what you think in the comments. I appreciate the HECK out of you.


	21. You're Killing Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s the apocalypse. Who’s here to make rules?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter. l'm happy with where this is headed, so hopefully you are too!

~~~~~~

_ “Can we start over?” You breathed. _

_ “I think that’d be a great fucking idea, doll.” _

~~~~~~

Negan kissed you on the head, before smiling. He looked like he had a good idea.

“I just happened upon the most gorgeous. fucking. woman.” He leaned back slightly, emphasizing his words. The corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk.

You smiled, giggling, “Oh yeah? Who?”

His arms circled your waist, ducking his head to your ear.

“Come on a date with me. I’ll pick you up from work tomorrow.” He drawled. You felt goosebumps spread on your skin.

“I think I can fit that in my  _ busy  _ day.” You smiled. Negan chuckled, continuing to hold you close.

“Thank you for giving ol’ Negan a chance, doll.”

~~~~~~~~

You slept in your room, waking up and heading to work. You caught up with your coworkers, as they were all asking where you were. It had been nearly two weeks since you had been to work, so it was refreshing to have something to do with your hands.

You rushed through your activities, excited to see Negan at the end of the day. You were folding the last load of bedsheets when you heard a knock on the door jamb. 

You looked up, meeting Negan’s hazel eyes. He smiled a handsome smile, strutting inside the laundry room. 

“I gotta get you a more interesting fucking job, doll. This shit would make me pull my hair out.” He chuckled. 

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” You smiled, hoping he would play along. 

He smiled in amusement, catching onto what you were doing. He rounded the table you were working on, walking up to you with Negan-like confidence. 

“I’m Negan.” He said, chin tilting up while his eyes remained on you. When he was in arms reach, his strong hand reached for yours. He brought it to his lips, kissing your knuckles gently. “Who do I have the  _ pleasure _ of meeting in this fine establishment?” He drawled. You giggled.

“(Y/N).” You said. 

“Well fuck, it’s nice to meet you (Y/N).” He said with a smile. He dropped your hand. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Negan.” You smiled.

“Shall we, sweetheart?” He asked. When you nodded, he took your hand in his and led you out of the laundry room. 

~~~~~

Negan led you through the confusing hallways, heading towards the nearest exit door. When you got to the exit, he walked you outside and towards the parking lot. 

This was where it started. Where you stowed away, where that single choice changed the trajectory of your life in huge ways. Your mind wandered on your way to the trucks, thinking about all that has happened between you and Negan. 

You had to admit, you weren’t really letting yourself think about your husband and your dad. You grieved them a long time ago, long before you knew they were still alive. You couldn’t lie to yourself and think that Negan had never killed anyone. You knew about that side of him, the one that is brutal and unforgiving. He really messed up by killing your husband, and you had a lot to work through before you could truly forgive him. One thing was for certain, and that was Negan’s effort to make this better. It took a lot for Negan to be vulnerable, and he had torn himself open for you. You knew he was damaged inside, and he hid it well with his confident demeanor. You accepted that ultimately, Negan was just as scared as you are. 

“Get out of your head, doll. We’re gonna have a fun fucking night.” He chuckled warmly. Then, he was opening the passenger side door and ushering you inside. He rounded the truck, climbing into the driver’s seat. 

“Where are we going?” You asked, excited and nervous.

“That’s for you to find out, sweetcheeks.” He said with a smile. 

You exited the sanctuary gates, driving off into the apocalyptic world. Negan whistled to himself as he drove, clearly in a happy mood. You continually lightened up as Negan made jokes, laughing for the first time in a while. 

You passed an old traffic light and Negan turned left. A few more miles down the road and you were arriving at an abandoned community. The truck tires made a rumbling sound as Negan pulled into a driveway. In front of you was a light yellow house with white shutters. It didn’t look like much, and a middle class family probably lived here at some point. 

“What are we doing here?” You asked. Negan didn’t answer, instead exiting the truck and opening your door. He held his hand out for you to take as you climbed down. 

“I don’t have any weapons.” You said hesitantly.

“No need, I cleared this place out yesterday. And I got my baby Lucille here if we run into trouble.” He winked and swung Lucille over his shoulder. 

You followed him up the driveway, and watched as he pulled out a key to unlock the door. He opened the door, tightening his grip on Lucille as he checked the immediate interior. He walked in before you, ensuring that the area was clear before you came in.

You looked around, noticing the comforting setting of the house. There were boards over the windows, but the inside of the house was otherwise cozy. There was a big soft couch in the living room, and what you noticed was a sheet hanging on the opposite wall. You turned, realizing there was a table set with two place settings and some unlit candles.

“What is this?” You smiled.

“Well, doll, movie theatres are fucking dead these days, but this is the best I could do.” He smiled back. He flicked on the light, moving over to the fridge to pull out a basket.

“Sit.” He said, motioning to the table. He approached the table, setting up a tray of chocolate covered strawberries and some bread. He poured you a glass of wine and set out some cheese and crackers. You smiled, in awe at the delicious food.

“I like this. Housewife looks good on you.” You giggled. 

“Watch it, doll.” He chuckled, clearly playful in his threat.

He lit the candles and made his way over to the chair across from you. You smiled at him lightly, showing your appreciation for his effort.

“This is really nice, Negan.” You smiled. You picked up one of the crackers, popping it into your mouth.

“I should have done this shit with you from the beginning, doll.” He responded, eating a piece of cheese off the plate.

“We don’t even know anything about each other.” You laughed bitterly. “Tell me about you.” You requested.

“What do you want to know?” 

“Where are you from?” You asked.

“Believe it or not, I lived in fucking  _ Ohio  _ before all this shit.” He chuckled. “To top it off, I was a fucking gym teacher.” 

“No way!” You laughed, picking up another cracker. “How’d you end up being the  _ fearless leader?”  _ You asked teasingly.

“Honestly, I’m a fucked up man. I focused on getting to the fucking top, and didn’t care who I had to step on to get there.” He admitted. You looked back at him with understanding.

He wasn’t perfect, but he was honest. That was all you could ask for in this world.

“You’re better than you think you are.” You said quietly. He didn’t say anything, instead redirecting the conversation.

“Where are you from, sweetheart?” He asked gently.

“I grew up in New Jersey.” You said. Negan chuckled. “In this small town by the beach. Nothing much happened there.”

“Well shit! How’d you end up here?”

“My family headed south right away. It’s much less populated down here. When we got separated, I just kept moving south on my own. I hoped I’d run into them at some point.” You said sadly, eyes looking downwards.

“And then I  _ might  _ have hidden in an old pickup truck and hitched a ride here.” You said, trying to lighten the mood.

“I still don’t know how you pulled that shit off, doll.” He chuckled.

“Yeah, me either.” You reminisced. “When you talked to me in your room, did you know I was a stowaway?” 

“Yeah I fucking did. I knew after I saw you scarfing down beers at the bar.” He laughed. “You looked fucking terrified.”

“I guess I’m not that good at pretending.” You laughed. Negan smiled fondly, pushing his chair back. He leaned back, looking at you down his nose.

“Come here.” He said gently.

You stared for a moment before moving to stand between his open knees. He nodded his head to his knee, telling you silently to sit. You lowered to his knee, sitting gently. Your heart was beating a little too fast, overwhelmed by the lack of space between you.

Negan picked up a chocolate-covered strawberry, holding it to your lips. Your lips wrapped around the strawberry, and Negan’s eyes darkened. His eyes stayed trained on your lips.

When you finished chewing, Negan brought his thumb up to brush over your lower lip. He left his hand there.

“Fucking beautiful.” He whispered. You felt your cheeks warm with embarrassment.

You realized your faces were moving closer together. You were only a breath away, face tilted to line up with Negan’s. His breath fanned across your lips.

You sighed, planting your forehead against his and looking down.

“This is too much.” You whispered.

Negan sighed, “I can’t keep my hands off you, sweetheart.” He said softly.

You stood up, kissing him on the cheek before bouncing over to the couch.

“What are we watching?” You asked playfully.

“Well, doll, I’m glad you fucking asked.” He smiled, standing up and pulling out a plastic case. He took out a projector, plugging it in and resting it on a shelf on the wall. The projector shone onto the white sheet, and after warming up it played the opening credits to a familiar movie.

“Silence of the Lambs?” You asked excitedly.

“Hope you like horror.” Negan said with a smile.

“I love this movie. You know I always wanted to be an FBI agent when I was little?” You said, climbing on to the puffy couch. Negan flipped off the light and headed to the couch.

“I can see it, Agent (Y/N). Has a nice ring.” Negan said as he settled next to you. He lifted his arm, pulling you into his space. You snuggled in, feeling safe huddled against the warmth of his body.

“I remember when this movie came out. Fuck, you probably weren’t even alive yet.” He chuckled. “Speaking of, how the fuck old are you, princess?”

You cringed, “22, I think?” You squeaked.

“Jesus, doll. I’m old enough to be your father.” He shook his head.

“It’s the apocalypse. Who’s here to make rules?” You argued. 

As the movie went on, you continued to sit in each other’s arms. You were growing more and more tired, inching even closer to Negan.

Eventually, Negan scooped you into his arms and dragged you into his lap. You sat with your legs across his lap, leaning on his shoulder. 

You found yourself getting distracted by Negan’s presence. He smelled so good. Earthy and masculine like you loved. His beard was grown in, and it only added to his handsome features. He glanced down at you, smirking when he noticed you looking at him.

You sat up a bit, closing in on his face. The light of the movie shone on the edges of his features. Your eyes dropped to his lips. His lips parted, and so did yours. The world around you faded, the movie becoming muffled background noise.

You gently closed the space, pressing your lips to Negan’s. There was a curious nature about it, as if you were exploring his lips for the first time. His hand came to your jaw, thumb stroking along your cheek. You gently opened up for him, letting him explore the inside of your mouth with his tongue. When you finally separated, you rested your foreheads together.

“You’re killing me, doll.” Negan said softly.

“We have to do this right.” You responded.

“It’s the apocalypse, doll. Who’s here to make the rules?” He drawled.

You rested your head in the crook of his neck again, gently falling asleep in his arms. The movie, long forgotten, played in the background. Negan’s arms were wrapped securely around you, keeping you safe through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy to finally have this story headed in a less angsty direction. I get really worried about my ability to write a storyline, so please let me know what you think.


	22. Change Your Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Have you changed your mind yet?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! Two chapters in one day. I have to admit, I love this one. I hope you do too.

When you woke, the movie had long ended and the title screen had returned. You were no longer in Negan’s lap, and instead curled against the side of his body. He dozed off as well, looking at peace with you in his arms.

“Negan?” You said groggily. He made a grumble of acknowledgement.

You shifted so you were straddling his lap now, pressing gentle kisses to his cheeks and forehead.

His eyes slowly opened, and he gave you a lazy smile.

“Too fucking beautiful.” He whispered, letting his hands gently rest on your waist.

“We should get back to the compound.” You suggested.

“I guess I gotta be a fucking gentleman and get you back before curfew.” He teased.

You climbed off his lap, helping him clean up the table. You turned, leaning against the table as you bit into a leftover strawberry.

Negan swaggered over, eyeing you with a hint of arousal. He looked at you down his nose, coming into your space to rest his hands on either side of you. His calloused hand came to brush your hair away from your neck, craning his head to press a kiss under your ear. He was slow, as if he was moving through honey.

His knuckles brushed against your stomach as he continued to kiss your neck.

“Negan..” You warned.

“Shit, doll.” He spoke against your skin. “You don’t fuck on the first date?” He chuckled.

“Negan!” You scolded, pushing him away with a smile. He was laughing as he gravitated back towards you. He pressed his lips to your forehead, speaking against your skin.

“You make me feel like a goddamn teenager.” He laughed. 

“You need to learn some self control.” You teased.

“I disagree.” He chuckled, pulling your belt loops towards him. You laughed, swatting his hands away.

“Take me home, you savage.” You smiled. Negan made a fake pouty face, finally agreeing.

You carefully exited the house, being mindful of if there were any walkers wandering in the dark. You climbed into the passenger side, listening to the engine roar to life.

You yawned, stretching your body as Negan pulled out of the driveway.

“Long day?” Negan asked teasingly. 

“Yeah, I had to deal with this  _ exhausting  _ man. An absolute nuisance.” You teased.

“I hope you enjoy your cold fucking showers, sweetheart.” He threatened.

You giggled, enjoying your banter. 

You continued to engage in friendly conversation as you drove home. When you got inside the gates, Negan met you on your side and helped you down. You grabbed his hand on the way down, continuing to hold it as you walked inside.

It was dark now, and most people were probably winding down for bed. You headed up the stairs after Negan, climbing to your floor. When you got to your room, you stopped to look at him.

“This is me.” You smiled.

“It doesn’t have to be.” He suggested, hands landing on your hips.

“For now it does.” You said softly. His hand came up to cup your jaw, looking at you with affection.

His thumb brushed along your cheek as your eyes found his. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” You breathed.

His hazel eyes dipped to yours, before he closed the space and gently pressed his lips to yours. It was quick, but full of feeling. Your lips parted briefly, moving against his. He pulled away then, kissing you on the cheek.

“Goodnight, love.” He spoke against your skin. He turned and headed to his room, whistling on the way. You watched him go, before letting yourself into your room.

You laid in bed for a long while, head spinning with happy thoughts about your “first date” with Negan. You drifted to sleep with a peaceful mind. 

~~~~~~

You woke to the feeling of a warm body climbing in bed with you. Warm arms encircled you, and you realized it was Negan pulling your back to his chest. You inched your hips closer to him, mumbling, “Good morning.” You were only wearing a big t shirt and panties.

His lips kissed your shoulder, warm breath fanning across your soft skin. “I just couldn’t stay away.” He sighed, and you could hear the smile in his voice. 

He rolled you onto your back, gazing into your eyes before gently kissing your lips. Your lips moved against his, feeling his beard rub roughly against your skin. You sighed, enjoying the feeling of his kiss. He lazily moved down your body, kissing the corner of your mouth, your chin, your jaw. He moved to the spot under your ear, gently turning your head for better access. 

“You make this so hard.” You whined. 

“Then stop fighting it.” He mumbled into your neck.

His lips wandered down your neck, raising goosebumps as he went. Your legs opened on their own accord, welcoming him to lay between them. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, basking in the pleasurable sensations.

“Negan-” You sighed.

“You’re doing a _terrible job_ , sweetheart.” He drawled, continuing to mouth at your skin. 

“Hey-” You said softly, pressing on his shoulders. His head rose, looking at you with lust-blown eyes. “It’s not happening.” You stated with a soft smile.

Negan dropped his head to your shoulder, groaning in defeat. You chuckled at his desperation. You pecked a chaste kiss onto his mouth.

“Why don’t you order us some breakfast while I borrow your shower?” You suggested.

“I’m not very inclined to let you use my shower, doll.” He chuckled.

“Hey, I’m not the one that needs the cold shower here.” You quipped. Negan rolled off of you, flopping onto his back and sighing. You pushed against him, trying to shove his heavy body off your bed. He finally stood up though it was with reluctance. He pulled your bedroom door open, waiting for you to go before him. When you passed, he swatted at your ass.

“You have 30 seconds to get your ass in that shower or your lady balls are going to get  _ real fucking cold.”  _ He threatened playfully. You looked back at him before sprinting down the hall to his room. He walked after you, shaking his head with a smile.

You showered quickly, enjoying the steamy water. This was a rare luxury in this world, and you could stay in it for hours.

When you finally emerged from the steamy room, Negan was lounging on his couch. In front of him were two trays with oatmeal, toast, and blueberries. You smiled when you saw the fresh fruit, sitting down next to Negan.

“What are your plans today?” You asked. “I don’t even know what you do as the leader here.” You realized.

“It’s mostly just boring shit.” He said, taking a bite of oatmeal. “Today I need to record who earned points. Then I gotta sort out who I’m sending to the newest outpost.” 

“Sounds important.” You said, wiggling your eyebrows. 

“I gotta make the tough decisions, doll. People don’t like being sent away but I got an outpost to run.” 

“Do you ever feel bad?” You asked, spooning some oatmeal into your mouth. 

Negan sighed, finishing his bite. “Honestly, doll, I don’t feel sorry about much anymore. It’s no skin off my back, even when I do really fucking shitty things.” He admitted.

“There are only three things in this world I feel sorry about. One, how I treated my first wife. Two, how Simon died, and three, how I treated you. I’ve bashed too many skulls to even fucking count, and I don’t feel bad about a single one.” He said.

You felt goosebumps ripple on your skin, taking in the weight of his words. You scooted closer, cupping his jaw with your hand. You ran your thumb over his lips, feeling his teeth bite down on the pad of your thumb. 

“Have you changed your mind yet?” He asked softly.

“About what?” You asked.

“Loving me.” He breathed.

“It’s not happening.” You responded gently.

He turned his face, kissing your palm softly. “Your loss.” He whispered against your skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love giving Negan blue-balls. Mwahaha.


	23. Be Honest With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I see right through you, Negan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter!
> 
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) - that is all.

After breakfast, Negan insisted on finding you a better job. You argued that working in the laundry room was relaxing, but Negan refused to believe it. Finally, you agreed to pick another job. You thought the change would be a breath of fresh air.

Negan brought you over to the desk, pulling out a list of jobs that happened at the sanctuary. 

“Uhh, what about kitchen prep?” You suggested.

“Peeling potatoes for hours? That shit sucks.” He argued.

“Okay, fine. Put me on scavenging.” You challenged.

Negan looked at you warily. “Doll..” He sighed. 

“I’m not your wife, Negan. I can be in the field. You know I can handle it.” You said.

His jaw ticked, looking at you with hesitation. 

“You know I can handle it.” You pressed.

“Last time you went on a mission I had to lock you in the RV, doll.” He pointed out. You sighed, flopping down onto the couch.

“That was different.” You sighed. 

There was a beat of silence before Negan finally conceded. 

“Fine. You’re on scavenging, but you’re also on perimeter watch 3 nights a week.” He added. You squealed and jumped up in excitement.

“Thank you, Negan.”

“Come here.” He called you over, making you stand between his knees. He lifted his hands, wrapping them around your waist. His thumbs wrapped around your front, rubbing soothing circles into the skin above your hip bones. 

“Is it too early to ask you to marry me?” He asked with a smirk.

“You know I can’t do that.” You said quietly. “I’m not like them.” You whispered. “And I don’t want to share you.” 

“I know, doll.” He responded softly. 

“Did you mean it when you said you weren’t with them anymore?” You asked quietly.

“Yeah I fucking did. When you forgot all that shit, it was a fucking wake up call. I was way too fucking reckless with you.” He said quietly, watching his fingers smooth over your skin.

“I’m afraid, Negan.” You whispered. Negan stood up, his large frame coming into your space. He cupped your face, searching for your eyes.

“I’m not a good man, sweetheart.” He sighed. “I’m not gonna fucking lie to you.” 

“I see right through you, Negan.” You responded. “You say you aren’t a good man, and then you crawl into my bed in the middle of the night when your demons catch up with you.” 

~~~~~

Negan placed you in your new job starting tomorrow, so you headed down to the laundry room to finish your last shift. In the beginning you were hesitant about the job change, but by the end of your shift you were growing impatient to get out of there. You said your goodbyes to your coworkers, promising them you would come visit when you could.

It was around five o'clock, so you headed out of the laundry room and down the hall. You heard a familiar whistling echoing around you, knowing Negan was right around the corner. You smiled mischievously, ducking behind the corner so he wouldn’t see you.

As he rounded the corner, you jumped out, yelling “Boo!”

Negan immediately grabbed your arms, shoving you back against the wall and pressing your hands above your head. He wore a vengeful smile, as if he had a  _ really good, really bad  _ idea. You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing, feeling your body bounce as he pressed you against the wall.

“Oh  _ you’re in big fucking trouble, sweetheart.”  _ He laughed. Then, he bent down, throwing you over his shoulder.

“Ahh! Negan!” You squealed, giggling hysterically. He marched down the hallway, climbing the stairs quickly.

“Put me down!” You wheezed, squirming and banging on his back.

“Not a _ chance!” _ He laughed. When he got to his room, he marched inside and flipped you down on the bed. He grasped your wrists in one large hand, pressing them to the bed. Then, his fingers were on your belly, tickling you wickedly.

You screamed, trying to squirm away from him. Negan was laughing, clearly having fun tormenting you.

“STOP! Stop!” You screamed through your fit of giggles. Your voice was coming out as a silent wheeze. Negan positioned his body between your legs, finally letting up on the tickling. He continued to restrain your wrists, though now he was much closer. You both rested in happy silence, hearing only each other’s panting breath.

Then, like a switch, Negan’s eyes darkened. His face was closer to yours, body held up by the hand that held your wrists. You smiled, not regretting your trick.

“You _ fucker.”  _ He chuckled. “You’re at my fucking mercy now, darlin’.” He drawled with a soft smile. You felt your cheeks heat up, your stomach fluttering with arousal.

You looked at him for a tense moment, waiting to see what he would do next.

“Can I touch you?” He asked quietly. 

You nodded gently, breathless with excitement.

Negan released your wrists, sitting back on his heels and reaching towards the nightstand. “Stay.” He said.

He pulled out a pocket knife out of the top drawer, setting it on the bed next to you. He peeled your t shirt and pants off of you, leaving you in only a bralette and your panties. You watched him in silence, waiting for his next move. Then, your wrists were back in his grasp, planted above your head. He leaned over you, and you heard the knife open with a quiet click. He approached your collarbone with the silver tip and your chest rose and fell in quick breaths, nervousness washing over you.

“Relax, doll.” He whispered. The cold tip rested sideways against your skin. Negan gently slid it down the center of your chest, only leaving you with a light tickle. “Do you trust me?”

You nodded breathlessly, feeling adrenaline course through you. When he lifted it off your skin, you let out the breath you were holding. Then, the tip was back on your chest, the blade hooking underneath the center of your bralette.

“Stay still.” He said softly. Then, he pressed upward against the fabric, cutting your bra off in one smooth motion. You gasped, nipples hardening against the cool air. Negan smirked, gently cupping your breast before picking up the knife again.

As he slid the tip of the knife along your stomach, your muscles flinched and tightened in preparation. 

“How’s this?” He asked softly, eyes following the tip of his knife. When you didn’t answer, eyes trained on the knife, he reminded you of his question with a soft, “Hm?”

“G-good.” You whispered.

“Good, what?” He asked.

“Good...sir.” You breathed.

He hooked the blade under the leg of your panties, slicing the fabric in a clean swipe. He cut the other leg next, freeing you from the small scrap of fabric.

“Such a good girl.” He gruffed. Your chest was rising and falling quickly, heart beating quickly with arousal. He closed the knife, releasing your wrists. “Keep them there.” He commanded.

You kept your wrists above your head, feeling yourself slip into a submissive role. Negan guided your legs open, eyes focusing on your exposed core. You squirmed under his gaze, feeling nervous at his attention.

Negan kneeled between your legs, pupils blown with arousal. His calloused hand slid along your inner thigh, stopping at your center. He slid one finger along your slit, collecting the wetness that pooled there. 

“Negan-” You whimpered. 

“Ah ah.” He scolded. “You made me wait till my balls damn near exploded, doll. You’re gonna wait.” He chuckled.

He rubbed a firm circle on your sensitive clit before sinking one large finger inside of you. When you whimpered, he quickly pulled his finger away. It was glistening with your arousal.

He brought it up to your hardened nipple, rubbing your wetness there. You felt your pussy clench around nothing as he continued to play with your nipple. Then, he leaned down and flicked his tongue over the hardened bud. You gasped, arching your chest towards him. He groaned against your skin, causing your nerves to vibrate pleasurably. 

He continued to flick his tongue against your nipple, returning his finger to your wet core. You clenched around his finger, whining when he immediately pulled away. Then, his face was above yours as he brought his finger to your lips. You looked up at him hesitantly, locking eyes as he pressed his finger into your mouth. You sucked on it slowly, letting him push it against your tongue gently. It tasted tangy, you had never tasted anything like it before.

“Good girl.” He smiled, eyes watching your lips wrap around his finger. When he pulled his finger out of your mouth, he dipped his lips to yours for a passionate kiss. You willingly let him dominate the kiss, pushing his tongue to swirl with yours. Your mouths moved against each other’s as his fingers returned to circle your clit. You whined into his mouth, enjoying the sensation.

He pressed two fingers inside now. You felt your walls stretch to accomodate his thick fingers, clenching tightly around him. He pumped his fingers firmly inside of you, crooking them upwards. You saw stars, screwing your eyes shut. Your hands shot to grab at his forearm, unsure you could handle the pleasure he was giving you.

He made a sound of warning. “Arms up or I swear to god I’ll fucking  _ leave you here _ .” He growled, leaving you certain that he meant his threat. You returned your arms to their place above your head, rolling your hips towards him.

He returned his fingers to your aching core, climbing your pleasure to a white-hot peak. 

“Negan!” You moaned. 

“You wanna cum, sweetheart?” He asked.

“Yes!” You groaned. 

“Yes what?” Negan pressed.

“Yes Daddy!” You moaned, far past the point of return. Your vision whited out, aching-hot pleasure bubbling deep in your belly. You gasped, eyes screwing shut as Negan finger-fucked you through your orgasm. Your whole body shuddered, pussy clenching uncontrollably. Your hands twisted in the sheets, finally relaxing as you started to come down from your high.

“ _ Jesus fucking christ _ , doll. You should have told me you were into that shit  _ weeks _ ago.” He chuckled. You suddenly felt self conscious, closing your legs and covering your breasts with your arms.

“Like a fucking painting, doll.” He said, brushing his knuckles along your waist.

Then, he was peeling his clothes off. He pulled his shirt over his head, exposing his fit torso and tattoos. He undid his belt, pulling his pants down his legs too. He wasn’t wearing underwear, so his hardened cock immediately sprung free. He scooted up the bed to lean against the headboard, pulling you to straddle his lap. You weren’t quite close enough to brush against his cock, looking into his eyes. 

His eyes dipped to your breasts, fingers tweaking your nipples. You whimpered quietly, trying to keep your composure. Then, his fingers were between your legs, feeling your wetness. He only brushed against your gently, not enough pressure to make you feel good.

His chin rose as he looked down his nose at you. You observed his handsome salt and pepper beard and his strong jaw. Then, he was pulling you closer to him. You could feel his cock bumping against your core, close enough to press inside if you wanted to.

“Sit on my cock.” He commanded gently.

“Yes, daddy.” You responded. You shifted your hips up, feeling the head of his cock press inside your entrance. You sighed, wrapping your arms around his neck. You heard his breath catch and noticed his belly tighten. Then, you were pressing down onto his cock, taking it inside your tight heat.

You moaned as it bumped against the sweet spot inside you, slowly lowering until your bodies were flush together. You hugged your body to Negan’s, slowly raising up before lowering back down. Negan let out a small moan, enjoying the feel of his cock inside you.

His hands landed on your ass, gently lifting you up and back down. You enjoyed the feeling of him dominating you even in this position. He was in control of your pleasure.

You rose and fell at a quicker pace now, feeling Negan’s cock deep inside of you. The room filled with the sounds of your moans. You felt that familiar coil in your belly, lowering your fingers to rub against your swollen clit. Negan made a warning sound, pulling your hand away.

“Nuh uh, sweetheart. Who’s in charge here?” He growled. 

“You, daddy.” You whined. 

“That’s right. You don’t cum until I tell you to, understand?” He ordered. You nodded, bouncing fervently on his cock. Negan lifted his hips, moving you both down the bed until he was on his back. You leaned back on his knees now, feeling his cock bump against the sweet spot inside you.

“Ohhh god. Negan!” You moaned.

“Don’t you  _ dare _ .” He threatened.

You kept bouncing, considering whether it was worth it to chase your pleasure anyway. Then, Negan’s thumb was rubbing circles on your clit. “Oh fuck! Please-” You begged.

Negan started to thrust his hips up to yours, ramming into you with impressive force. You felt the coil of your orgasm grow tighter and tighter.

“Cum on daddy’s cock.” Negan growled. As if snapping a rubber band, your vision whited out and you tightened around him. Negan let out a groan, hands clamping tightly on your hips. You felt warmth fill you, Negan’s cock twitching as he forced your hips up and down. When he was spent, you collapsed forward onto his chest. He was still inside of you as you both caught your breath.

“Holy shit.” He chuckled. “You’re a fucking keeper.”

“But I knew that a long fucking time ago.” He added. His hand smoothed over your back, lulling you into a lazy trance.

“Dinner?” You asked quietly.

“I’ll order it. Get your ass in the shower, I’ll meet you there.” He said, swatting at your ass. You giggled, climbing off of him and waddling to the bathroom.

The room filled with steam as you looked at yourself in the mirror. You caught yourself smiling; a sight you hadn’t seen in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked writing this chapter. This is a peek into the kinks Negan and OC ~might~ experiment with in the future. Tell me what you think, and give me suggestions about what other kinks you'd like to see!


	24. Runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Catch me then, old man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay- so hear me out. I swear this chapter was supposed to have plot, but it just devolved into straight-up porn. I'm really sorry if that's not what you're here for. Also, if you're not into it you can just skip this chapter.

The shower hissed and the bathroom filled with steam. You stepped under the warm spray, muscles feeling sore from Negan’s rough hands. You felt swollen between your legs, dripping with evidence of Negan’s presence. 

The shower door opened, and strong arms wrapped around you. Negan pulled your back to his chest, ducking his head to kiss gently along your neck. You sighed, tilting your head to give him better access. His scruffy beard scratched along your skin, adding another sensation to the mix. 

“We were supposed to take this slow.” You sighed.

“I can give it to you as slow as you fucking want, sweetheart.” He sighed, pressing his now hard erection into your lower back.

You let out a breathy laugh. “I thought men your age were supposed to have slow recovery times.” 

“You calling me old?” He drawled. His hand flattened over your belly, sliding up your wet skin towards your breasts. His rough hands glided across your skin, stopping to tweak your right nipple. 

You let out a breathy moan, feeling Negan’s fingers pleasure your sensitive buds. 

“So fucking responsive.” Negan chuckled. “I so much as lay a hand on you and you’re all fuckin’ mine.”

“Don’t get cocky.” You teased softly, but your voice sounded weak and unsteady. Negan’s hand travelled downward, drawing sensitive circles along your pubic mound. Your stomach muscles flinched, already desperate for his touch. 

“Darlin’, you couldn’t fight it if you  _ tried.” _ He chuckled, circling his finger on your clit. Your legs opened slightly, giving him better access at the weird angle. 

“Hm, I remember hearing something about exploding balls not too long ago.” You quipped. 

Negan spun you around then, crowding you towards the tiled wall. His eyes looked predatory, as if he was looking at a delicious dinner. His arms came to either side of you, hands planting on the wall. He moved closer to kiss you, but you placed a finger on his lips before he got close enough. 

You pressed your finger to his lips, stopping him in his tracks. “We’re not doing this now.” You stated mischievously. Your eyes ducked to his weeping cock. Your small hand wrapped around his length, pumping him firmly up and down as you spoke, “Because I’m much too competitive to let that slide.” You said softly, a shit-eating grin painting your face. 

His breath caught as you pumped him up and down a couple more times, stomach tensing with the pleasure of it. Then, you pulled your hand away and began to wash yourself. Negan stood in shock for a moment before gathering himself. 

“You’ll be fucking begging for it by the end of today, doll.” He laughed. 

“Challenge accepted.” You teased back. 

Then Negan was crowding you again, pushing your back against the wall and kissing you fervently. His mouth moved against yours, hand coming to cup your jaw. He pulled away, stealing the loofa from you so he could wash himself. 

_ What the hell did I get myself into?  _ You thought, cheeks still pink from your heated kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~

You finished eating your dinner as you sat across from Negan on the couch. You set your empty bowl on the coffee table, fidgeting with your fingers. You felt like you had too much energy in your body, wanting to touch Negan but resisting due to your own stubbornness.

“Can we go for a walk?” You asked abruptly. Negan looked up, swallowing his most recent bite.

“It’s dark, doll.” He responded. “It’s not safe.” He reclined on the couch, stretching one arm across the backrest.

You pouted. “Please? I’m not gonna be able to sleep, I’m too energetic.” You pleaded.

“I said no, doll.”

“Negan,  _ please _ take me!” You begged. Negan’s eyes darkened, and amused smirk curling on his lips.

“Well when you say it like  _ that _ .” He drawled, words laced with innuendo.

You rolled your eyes, standing up and heading to the door. You were wearing only some sleep shorts and an oversized shirt as you leaned down to pick up your boots.

“No way in  _ hell  _ you’re stepping out that door wearing that.” Negan chided.

You turned around, an idea coming to mind. A mischievous smile crossed your features as you stepped backward towards the door. Your eyes were playful as you reached backwards to grasp the door handle.

“Doll-” Negan warned.

“Catch me then, old man.” You challenged with your best attempt at a seductive look.

Negan quickly stood up, storming towards you. Before he even got halfway, you were sprinting down the hallway in a fit of giggles.

“(Y/N)!” Negan called.

“Ohh, you’re in deep shit, darlin’!” He laughed. You were already barrelling down the stairs, metallic clanking echoing through the stairwell. You tried your best to stay quiet, but you couldn’t suppress your giggles.

You weaved through the people in the hallway, noticing their eyes follow you with curiosity as you sprinted towards the garage. You couldn’t hear Negan behind you, but you knew he wouldn’t be too far behind. You found the heavy metal door leading to the garage, pushing it open and ducking inside. The mechanics were off duty, as it was evening now. You weaved your way through the broken-down trucks, heading towards the back exit. Just as you opened the exit door, you heard the familiar clang of the opposite door. You took off across the field, heading towards the parked cars. You ducked behind the nearest truck, panting heavily from your exertion.

“(Y/N), I am going to spank your ass until it is  _ beat, fucking, red _ .” Negan’s voice echoed through the field. He sounded out of breath, but he was obviously still hot on your trail. You spotted the RV, making a run for it across the dimly lit field. You kneeled down, crawling on the grass under it. You laid there for a moment, hearing only the sound of your breathing.

Then, a large hand grasped your ankle, dragging you out from under the RV. You screamed, turning over to see your expected assailant. Negan stood over you with an unrecognizable look in his eyes. Playfulness. Anger. Lust. Amusement. You wondered how so many emotions could mix at once. You laughed as Negan hauled you to your feet, throwing you over his shoulder as if you weighed nothing. You squealed and squirmed as he kicked open the RV door and stormed inside. Then, you were being thrown onto the queen-sized bed. You turned onto your belly, trying to scramble away. Negan grabbed your ankles, pulling you back towards him. He gathered your wrists, twisting them so he held them behind your back. You fought against him, but he could easily overpower you.

Then, his free hand was smoothing over the roundness of your bottom. His touch was gentle, contrasting with the force he used to subdue you.

“You are a piece of fucking work, woman.” He panted. You could hear a chuckle in the background of his voice. His free hand pulled down your sleep shorts, exposing your bare ass. He slid them down your legs, letting them hang around your knees. 

His calloused hand smoothed along your ass, causing you to whimper quietly and tilt your hips towards him.

“You dirty fucking girl.” He drawled in disbelief, swiping one finger along your dripping core. “So fucking wet for me.” He breathed.

“I’m gonna spank you. That okay darlin’?” He palmed your ass, taking a large handful of your soft skin.

You whimpered again, nodding your head and squirming your hips.

“Use your words.” He pushed gently.

“Yes.” You gasped as his finger slid along your wetness again.

“It’s not much of a punishment if you like it, doll.” He chuckled. 

Then, 

**_SMACK!_ **

A hard smack onto your right cheek. Your body jolted, a gasp leaving your lips.

“Count.” Negan commanded.

“One, s-sir.” You said.

**_SMACK!_ **

“Two, sir.”

**_SMACK!_ **

“Three, sir.”

“Do you enjoy disobeying me?” He gruffed.

“Daddy..” You whimpered, unsure of what you even wanted.

**_SMACK!_ **

This time, a moan tore itself from your lips.

“Four.” You whispered, gasping for breath. Your core was certainly dripping now. You can’t remember ever being this turned on.

**_SMACK!_ **

“Five.” You moaned, squirming your hips and arching your back. Negan’s hand travelled to your aching core, cupping you for a moment. Your blood was rushing fast in your ears, mind set on anything that would bring you pleasure.

“Open up for me,” Negan guided, pushing your knees wider apart. “Good girl.” He cooed. His grasp loosened on your wrists, allowing you to stretch your shoulders. You were laying face down on the bed, head turned to the side. You felt Negan’s lips press against your shoulder as his fingers slid over your slick channel. He teased you, pushing  _ just  _ inside before pulling back out.

  
“I need you to trust me, sweetheart. Think you can do that?” He said softly, his deep voice not far from your ear.

“Negan,  _ please- _ ” You whimpered, growing impatient now. You were dazed, mind focusing only on achieving pleasure. “Please- I need it,  _ please-” _ You whimpered, desperate and hazed.

“Shh. I got you, doll.” He cooed, smoothing his hand over your sore bottom again. “What do you want?” He asked.

“Mmm-” You groaned as he pushed one thick finger inside you. You released a tense breath, knowing that you couldn’t make him go any faster than he wanted to. “I want…” You hesitated, cheeks pinking with embarrassment.

“I want your fingers.” You whimpered quietly. 

“Not so tough now, are we?” He chuckled, revelling in your fervent breakdown. He pushed two fingers inside of you now, pushing them in and out at a torturously slow pace. You tried to rock your hips back, but Negan gripped your hip to hold you still. “Doll,” He called gently when you didn’t answer.

He turned you over, meeting your lust-blown eyes with his. “You with me, sweetheart?” He called gently. You searched his eyes for a moment before nodding your head. His thumb came up to brush along your bottom lip, hazel eyes following the pull of your skin. 

“I want you.” You whispered, barely audible.

  
Negan smiled, clearly amused with how easy it was to get you into this state. Then, his lips were on yours, kissing you passionately. He quickly ducked to your neck, sucking light bruises against your sensitive skin. 

“Can I try something, doll?” He asked against your skin. “You ever want me to stop you just say so, understand?” He said firmly. 

“Okay... yes.” You nodded, cloudy with arousal.

“Good girl. Get on your knees.” He said, eyes dropping to your lips again. You bit your lip, climbing off the bed to kneel in front of Negan. He stood before you, looking handsome as ever. His thumb came to pull at your lower lip again, this time pressing inside your warm mouth.

“Open up for me.” He said. When you gently opened your jaw and let his thumb inside, he groaned, “So fucking beautiful.” 

He put two fingers flat on your tongue, pushing down and sliding backwards.You closed your lips around his fingers, tasting salt and tang from his time pleasuring you. He pushed his fingers to the second knuckle, almost hitting the back of your throat. When he pulled them back out, they made a gentle  _ pop  _ sound. 

“Two taps if you need me to stop.” He said softly. His thumb guided your jaw open again, your doe eyes looking up at him with nervous curiosity. 

“Keep it open.” He said, stroking his large hand along his hardened length. A few pumps, and he was lining his cock up with your plump lips. He pushed his glistening head inside, and you immediately sucked gently on it. You heard Negan hiss through his teeth, tightening his stomach muscles. 

He pulled out, and you waited for his next move. “Ah ah, keep it open.” He scolded gently, pinching your chin between his forefinger and thumb, pulling your jaw back open. 

Then, his cock was in your mouth again. He pressed forward gently, almost reaching the back of your throat. You sucked gently, swirling your tongue on the other side. Negan let out a deep groan before pulling out again. This time, you held your mouth open for him.

He gripped his cock firmly at the base, pulling all the way out of your mouth before pushing back in. He pulled out, tapping the tip of it on your exposed tongue before pushing in again. This time, he bumped the back of your throat gently. You tensed up, arms shooting out to push gently against his thighs until he was out of your mouth.

“You’re okay. I’m not gonna hurt you.” He said gently, carding his hand through your hair. You looked up at him with wide eyes before ducking them to gaze at his cock. It was larger than any you had experienced before, and you felt a wave of desire pulse through you.

You leaned forward slightly, nodding up at Negan to signal your permission. You opened your mouth, letting Negan push inside again. He stopped just before your throat, smoothing his thumb along your cheek. 

“You gotta relax, doll. It’ll make it easier.” He guided, running his fingers lightly over your throat. When he felt your throat relax, he pushed a bit deeper. 

“ _ Good fucking girl.” _ Negan groaned, pulling out again. He quickly pushed back in, this time pushing deeper into your throat. You were taking nearly all of him, feeling his cock press against your gag reflex. When you gagged, he quickly pulled back out. 

He slid back in again, and you focused all your attention on relaxing your throat. His cock passed your gag reflex, and you realized you had taken him all the way to the hilt. He let out a strangled groan before pulling halfway out. You moaned around his cock, causing it to twitch with pleasure.

He continued like this, in and out, and you were able to take him easier each time. “Look at you, such a pretty fucking mouth.” He cooed, continuing to drag his cock in and out.

He pulled out again, slapping the hardness against your tongue. He pressed back in firmly, groaning, “C’mon. Take it all.” 

You sucked and swirled your tongue, causing his cock to twitch in your mouth. You enjoyed the sound of Negan’s pleasure, growing wetter as you went. He was pushing in at out of your mouth at a steady rate now, to which you accepted his length and took it in greedily. 

“Jesus fucking christ-” He breathed, fisting his hand in your hair. “You want me to fuck your face?” He asked.

“Mhm” You moaned around his cock.

His large hand cupped your chin as he pulled his cock from your mouth. “Show me that pretty tongue.” He said. You stuck your tongue out, licking a thin stripe right over the opening at his head. He hissed through his teeth, stomach muscles jumping with pleasure. You were overwhelmed with arousal, body hot and skin tingling. Every touch felt electric, skin begging greedily for more. Your brain was foggy, only focused on giving and receiving pleasure.

He grasped your hair more roughly this time, pushing his cock between your lips again. Then, he was pushing your mouth onto his cock, causing you to take it deep into your throat. You didn’t gag this time, knowing that if you kept your throat relaxed you could avoid it. 

“Jesus  _ fuck-”  _ Negan panted, quickening the pace of his thrusts. You moaned around his cock, feeling arousal tingle in your lower body. His pace was fast now, dragging his cock roughly in and out of your throat. Your hips writhed around nothing, desperate for friction. He pulled out, pumping his hand up and down his cock as he smacked it against your warm tongue. Your hand traveled downward, rubbing firm circles on your swollen clit.

Negan slammed into your throat now, giving a few balls-deep thrusts before hauling you to your feet. He kissed you passionately, guiding you onto your back by a hand wrapped around your throat. He didn’t squeeze hard, but rough enough to send arousal shooting down your spine. You moaned, feeling like a mouse in a lion’s jaws.

“N-Negan-” You keened. “ _ Please _ \- I need you.”

“I got you, doll. Such a good girl for me.” He cooed against your lips. Then, he was pressing his hard cock inside of you to the hilt. You both groaned, rutting against each other desperately.

“Ohhh, god!” You moaned as Negan thrusted in and out of you with fervor. His hand left your throat, coming down to rub your clit instead. When he felt your pussy clench around him, he growled. He was leaning on his left elbow, left hand cupping the side of your face.

“Cum for Daddy.” He panted, rubbing insistently on your sensitive bundle of nerves. 

“I-it’s t-too much!” You whimpered. “I can’t-” 

“Yes you can.” He cooed. You screwed your eyes shut, overwhelmed by the sensation. “Look at me.” He commanded.

Your wild eyes found his as he slowed down his thrusts, angling his hips to a new angle. 

“Cum for me, (Y/N).” He pushed. “C’mon darlin’. Let me see how pretty you cum.” You felt the telltale sign of your orgasm, pulling in a desperate breath before it completely overtook you. Your vision whited out, breath coming in desperate gasps as your body writhed with ecstasy. You heard Negan moan, slamming into you one last time before spilling deep inside you. He pressed sloppy, open-mouthed kisses to your throat, jaw, cheek, and then met your mouth with a kiss that had you seeing fireworks. You laid there, forehead to forehead, filling the room with sounds of your tired breath.

Negan rolled off of you, kissing your cheek before standing and heading to the bathroom. You laid limply, watching him emerge from the bathroom with a washcloth. 

“Get your sweet ass over here.” He said warmly, pulling your hips towards the edge of the bed. He gently wiped you off, cleaning you of your slick arousal, as well as his seed. You watched him with hooded eyes, looking thoroughly fucked. He tossed the washcloth into the laundry bin before climbing onto the bed and pulling you into his chest. 

“You with me, doll?” Negan asked when he thought you had been quiet for too long. You slid off his chest, coming to lay on your side facing him. He adjusted to mirror your position, looking at you with quiet adoration.

“Hm?” He pushed, waiting for you to say something.

“I love you, Negan.” You whispered.

“I love you too, doll.” He sighed. 

You returned to him, tucking your body into his large frame. Sleep was becoming heavy in your eyes, covering you like a warm blanket.

There was a long pause, both of you just enjoying the presence of one another.

“I won.” Negan pointed out matter of factly.

“ _ Shut up _ !” You laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really didn't mean to write a megalong sex chapter, but here it is. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> ~Somebody~ (*cough* one of my favorite readers *cough*) suggested the face-fucking, so that's how that happened. I am happy to take suggestions, so please tell me what you thought about this chapter, and feel free to add some kinks you'd like to see in the future.


	25. Black Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looked up at you with a devilish grin, “That’s better than ‘no’.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I've had some writer's block, and I've been having a hard time capturing the characters the way I used to. Hopefully this is still good. Please let me know if this is getting too smutty (if that's even a thing). I want to make sure whoever is still here for this is enjoying it.

You woke up in Negan’s arms, soft light filtering through the sheer curtains. It was perfectly warm, silk sheets sliding gently against your naked skin. You stretched out, feeling the weight of Negan’s strong arm across your waist.

“Morning, doll.” He drawled, voice deep and gruff with sleep. 

“Morning.” You smiled, turning to look at him in his sleepy eyes. 

“Big day for you today, doll. New job and all.” He drawled, a smile gracing his features. His large hand rested on your hip before he dragged you on top of him. Your knees sat on either side of him as you giggled breathily. You brushed your hair to the side, looking down at him from the curtain of your hair. 

You leaned down, kissing him gently at first. He quickly deepened the kiss, guiding your mouth open and letting his tongue dance with yours. You sighed, enjoying the warmth of his body against yours. 

His fingers came up to tweak your nipple, and you gasped into his mouth. His hands roved over your waist, eventually coming down to palm your ass. You bent your neck, pressing kisses to his scruffy jaw. 

You spoke against his skin. “Take me for a walk today.” You smiled wickedly, looking at him.

You felt Negan chuckle. “So that’s how today’s gonna be?” He said, leaning his head back to see you better.

“Today can go any way  _ I _ want it to.” You sassed, purposely testing Negan’s patience.

“Oh, is that it?” He asked. His tone feigned surprise, but his eyes looked at you with adoration. He rolled you over, capturing your wrists and pushing them above your head. “You gonna act like a fucking brat?” He chuckled when your cheeks pinked an you pushed your hips up towards him. He ducked his head to your neck, sucking the thin skin through his teeth.

“If I have to.” You sighed, your voice breathy and uneven.

“I think you know what that gets you, doll.” He chuckled into your neck. 

“Mm, I don’t think I remember.” You said softly.

“No? Do you need a fucking lesson?” He looked at you, crows feet wrinkling his eyes. 

“Mhm.” You whimpered, pulling your lip between your teeth.

“You bad fucking girl.” He growled, lips pressing to your ear. He moved down your body, pressing his lips to your collarbone while still keeping your wrists still.

“Negan-” You whined.

“Nope. Bad girls don’t get what they want, doll.” He said. His pupils were blown with arousal, and they held a hint of playfulness.

You bit your lip and smiled, rolling your hips towards him. He pulled his hips away, dodging you attempt at friction. He let go of your wrists, guiding them to hold onto the rungs of the headboard.

“Keep them there.” He ordered. You felt a rush of wetness down below, whimpering quietly at how slow he was moving. He slid down the bed, planting we kisses long your chest.

“You drive me fucking crazy.” He mumbled, planting a kiss right above your nipple. You gasped as his beard pricked your sensitive skin. 

“Such a fucking brat.” He scolded softly. He sucked your nipple into his mouth, letting his teeth clamp gently on the hardened bud. You arched towards him, gasping at the sensation. Your hands tightened on the headboard, trying to ground yourself.

“So we have a few fucking options.” He said, as if rolling ideas around in his head. He moved to your other nipple, swirling his tongue over it.

“I could get you all fucking worked up and then make you wait for it.” He suggested, threat evident in his voice. You were breathing heavily now, worked up by his voice alone.

“Or, I could take what I fucking want and leave.” He gruffed. You whimpered. 

“You wouldn’t.” You whispered. He chuckled darkly, telling you otherwise.

“I could fuck your face again,” He suggested, sucking a dark bruise onto your neck. You let out a shaky breath, nearly dripping at his words. He turned you onto your belly, guiding your hands to attach to the rungs again.

You felt his warm body behind you as he spoke into your shoulder. His hand travelled downward, guiding your hips to stick up in the air a bit. His fingers dragged through your slick, before moving upward to your tight ass.

“I could fuck you here..” He said, fingers circling gently over the ring of muscle. You gasped, jerking away from his hand.

“Shhh, I’m not gonna hurt you, doll.” His warm hand guided your hips back again. Your muscles were tense, breathing shallow.

“Relax, doll.” He cooed. Slowly, you released your muscles and sighed. “Good girl.” 

His finger circled your hole, causing your pussy to clench around nothing.

“How’s that?” He asked gently.

“Feels good.” You said quietly. He leaned over the side of the bed, pulling out a bottle of lube.

“I-I don’t think I can take you there.” You whispered.

“I know, sweetheart. You’re just gonna take my finger.” He said gently. You felt his finger again, cold with lubrication. He gently pressed it inside you, causing you to gasp and whimper. “Such a good girl.” He cooed.

He pushed his finger deeper, which felt surprisingly good. You moaned through the pleasant stretch, burying your face in the pillow. He pulled out, causing you to moan again. It felt weird, but sent pleasant tingling up your spine. 

“Feel good, doll?” 

“Yesssir.” You whined. You heard Negan growl, pushing his finger inside of you again. His motions sped up, causing you to moan out louder. You buried your face in the pillows, hearing Negan make a sound of warning. 

“Don’t hide from me.” He said sternly. He pulled you up by your shoulder, kneeling behind you and pressing your back towards his chest. His hand rested on your throat, your back arched at a harsh angle. Negan drove his finger in and out of you, pressing warm kisses to your neck.

“I-It’s too much!” You keened, gasping for breath. “Oh fuck-” Negan slowed his finger, pulling in and out of you in firm strokes. Your hand dropped to your clit, trying desperately to ease the tension in your belly.

“No you fucking don’t.” Negan growled, pulling his finger out and rolling you onto your back. “If you move so much as an  _ inch,  _ I will edge you until you’re fucking  _ sobbing.”  _ He threatened. You stared back at him with wide eyes as he climbed off of you and went to the bathroom. You heard the water running before he returned, naked and aroused. He reached into the bedside table, pulling out a pair of handcuffs with black fur.

“What do you do if you need me to stop?” He asked as he climbed onto the bed.

“Tap twice?” You guessed. 

“Right.” He said. His tone was measured and cold. “Snap your fingers if you can’t reach me.” He said.

He climbed over you, cuffing your wrists to each other through the rungs of the headboard. You were already breathing heavy, waiting in nervous excitement for what he was about to do.

“Now doll, you’ve been a pretty bad fuckin’ girl this morning.” He drawled, seating himself between your legs. He guided your legs open, circling gently over your swollen clit. “Being the gentleman that I am,” he continued, “I’m gonna give you the fucking choice.”

“You can either be my pretty fucking sex doll,” He said, pulling your bottom lip down with his thumb. “I’ll fuck your pretty mouth and your pretty pussy, and when I’m done you’ll work your shift with my cum dripping down your thighs.” You let out a shaky breath, blindingly aroused at his vulgar words. “You won’t be allowed to cum with that option, though.”

“Or, I can edge you until you’re fucking crying,” He drawled, “And when I think you’ve had enough, you’ll be allowed to cum.” His calloused hand came down to rest on your inner thigh, stroking his thumb soothingly on your skin.

“And if I cum before you say?” You asked quietly.

Negan chuckled. “If you cum before I say, I’ll edge you for a fucking  _ week _ , doll.” He threatened. 

“What’s it gonna be?” He asked. 

You looked at him for a second, weighing your options. You bit your lip, looking up at him through your lashes. You craned your neck up, reaching for his lips with yours. When you spoke, it was against his lips. 

“I want you to use me.” You whispered. His fingers tightened on your thigh as his breath caught. 

“You are going to be the death of me.” Negan whispered. Then, he closed the distance between you, stealing your breath with a passionate kiss. Your tongues danced together, lips moving in sync. 

“You want me to use you, huh?” He drawled, kissing down your neck. “So you can take my cum like a good girl?”

“Yes sir.” You whispered. 

“Hm?” He said, sliding the head of his cock along your slick pussy. You gasped when it bumped your clit, never pushing inside.

“You want me to use you however I want?” He asked, kissing your shoulder. “Take what I want from you and leave you dripping and desperate?”

“Yes!” You whined. Negan slammed into you then, seating himself to the hilt with no resistance. You moaned loudly, Negan’s hand coming to cover your mouth. He started at a punishing pace, pleasuring himself with deep, hard thrusts. 

You body jolted, overwhelmed with the pleasure he gave you. You felt like your skin was on fire, a large portion of that being attributed by the pleasure evident in Negan’s face. 

He hooked his hands under your knees, pushing your knees to your chest and bending you in half. His eyes were locked downwards, watching his cock disappear inside of you. 

“Oh fuck!” You moaned at the deep angle. Negan thrusted roughly inside of you a few more times before pulling you and turning you over. He lifted your hips, fisting his hand in your hair and yanking your head up. He slammed into you again, causing you to moan out in pleasure. Your body jolted, back arched, hands gripping the rungs of the headboard.

Negan slowed for a few thrusts, filling the room with his heavy breathing. “Doing okay, sweetheart?” He asked gently, moving his hand to hold your throat. His thrusts were deep and slow, thumb caressing the column of your neck. His other hand wrapped around your waist, holding you close to him.

“It feels so good-” You whimpered, tears pricking the corners of your eyes from the overwhelming sensations.

“Such a good girl.” He cooed into your ear. His hand slapped your ass cheek, ringing out through the RV. Then, his fingers traced along your crack, coming to circle your ass again. He guided you down onto your elbows, pulling out of you and slapping his cock on your ass. You heard the lube squeeze out of the tube, and then his finger was circling your tight hole again. He thrust his cock inside you in a smooth thrust, pushing his finger into your ass at the same time. You moaned loudly, losing yourself in the new sensation.

He pushed in and out slowly, timing his thrusts with the movement of his finger. 

“You like me filling you up like this, sweetheart?” He groaned, speeding up his ministrations. You found yourself crying out, rocking back against him desperately. He hooked his thumb into your ass, pulling against your sensitive nerves as he slammed into you. His thrusts became uneven, breath heavy as he groaned and spilled his seed deep inside of you.

You felt his cock twitch, nested as deep as it could within you. You whimpered, feeling overwhelmed and tense with desire. Negan pulled out, palming your ass cheeks and pushing them upwards. You heard him groan, presumably watching his cum drip out of you. You rolled onto your stomach, legs shaking and tired.

Negan gently let your hands out of the handcuffs, rubbing the red marks on your skin. He leaned on his side next to you, caressing your cheek with his thumb.

“So fucking beautiful.” He breathed, eyes brimming with admiration. He leaned down, kissing you gently and thoroughly. You felt weird and overwhelmed, still in the submissive role you had taken on in the last hour. “You with me, love?” He asked gently, turning your face to his. You nodded silently.

“How are you feeling?” He asked gently. 

“I love you too much.” You whispered. It was true. 

You laid in Negan’s arms for a long while, feeling him stroke gently over your waist. When he finally tapped on your arm, he scooped you into his arms and brought you to the bathroom. Once the water was warm, he pulled you to your feet and carried you inside. 

Then, he was pressing you against the chilled tiles, kissing your passionately. His hands cupped your breasts, thumbs flicking over your nipples again. He pulled back, smiling when your lips chased his.

He soaped up a washcloth, watching his hands run soap along your naked body. Even through the warm water, your skin broke out in goosebumps at his touch. He finished washing both of you, and you finished by brushing your teeth under the warm spray. 

Negan got this look in his eyes, hungry and calculated, like a predator chasing prey. He flipped off the water, crowding you against the shower wall. He didn’t say anything as he ducked his lips to your neck, leaving wet kisses in his path. 

He picked you up by your thighs, immediately spearing you on his hardened sheath. You sighed, feeling tired and aroused.

“I told you you’d be working you shift full of me, sweetheart.” He said, pushing in and out of you in smooth thrusts. 

His thrusts sped up, wet bodies clashing in pleasure. You clutched Negan’s shoulders, moaning softly as he drove into you. A few minutes later he growled, thrusts slowing down as he spilled inside you again. He held you, pressed against the wall while he caught his breath. 

His nose was angled towards your neck, inhaling the scent of your clean skin.

“Marry me.” He said softly, voice deep and gruff as ever. He pulled out of you, placing you on your feet. His eyes watched his hand, smoothing over the curve of your waist and caressing your skin with his thumb. 

“I don’t know, Negan..” You responded. He looked up at you with a devilish grin, 

“That’s better than ‘no’.” He drawled.

~~~~~~~~

Usually your job as night watch would start around 7 PM, but since it was your first day, you arrived to work around 3. 

You met up with your new boss, and he showed you the ropes. Your job was simple, you would be armed with a walkie and a gun, and you would keep watch over the northern side of the compound. You were to make sure nobody got in, and that nobody got out. Your coworkers seemed nice enough, but we’re definitely not used to a woman being on their team. 

The job was lonely, you were by yourself most of the night, only interacting with people on your change of shift. You quickly realized that this job was only given to highly trusted individuals. The safety of the compound hung in the balance. 

Before the sun set, you took your post. There were multiple guards on duty each night, stationed around the perimeter. You were able to stand on the ground, but you were required to climb into the watchtower each hour so you could get a bird’s eye view. 

You stood silently for a couple hours, feeling generally awake. After all, you hadn’t done much today besides lay in bed with Negan. 

Your mind began to wander, worry creeping in about some of your activities together.

You knew it was beyond stupid, that you probably should have used a condom instead of letting Negan cum inside you on countless occasions. Before the outbreak, you had been told you would never be able to carry a child. You contracted a rare infection as a child that permanently damaged your reproductive organs. It was unlikely that you would get pregnant, but you should have taken more precautions just to be sure. 

Although you couldn’t see much, you heard hushed whispering in the yard. 

“I thought she worked in the laundry room.” A male voice whispered. You cocked your head, straining to hear anything else. You hand settled on your throwing knives, waiting for whatever may happen.

Then, a heavy object heaved out of the darkness, hitting you in the side of the head. 

“Ow! What the fuck?” You shouted, holding your head. A fist-sized rock tumbled into the dirt at your feet. Your vision blurred for a second, a headache squeezing at your skull.

You assumed a defensive position, which didn’t do much good when a man charged at you and threw you to the ground. 

“Punch her!” A woman’s voice said. Time slowed for a moment as your brain attempted to place the voice. 

A punch landed at your ribs, tearing a scream from your throat. 

_ Who is that?  _ You thought. 

Another punch, knocking the wind from your lungs. You curled your body the best you could, swinging your fists in an attempt at defending yourself. You reached for your gun, realizing it wasn’t in your holster anymore.

“How’s that, bitch?” The woman said. You squinted in the darkness, trying to focus your eyes.

“What are you, pregnant? Is that why he dropped all of us without a second thought?” She shouted.

A punch landed on your lower belly, causing stomach acid to bubble up your throat. 

“Fuck off!” You groaned.

Your eyes focused as much as they could, seeing double. 

“You’re just a fucking charity case. He’s only with you because he feels bad, you pathetic bitch.” The woman spit.

Another punch, to the face this time. Your head slumped to the side, eyes hooded and swollen.

You took in the woman’s features. 

Long, blonde hair.

Black dress. 

“Amber?” You breathed. Your vision went black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, please let me know if this is too much smut. Should I focus more on plot, or should I continue how I'm going? Thanks <3 Also, if you like the smut feel free to make requests about what you want to see next.


	26. Whiskey and Cinnamon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I really fucking like whiskey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this chapter, I hope you do too.

_ “Yo (Y/N), if you fell asleep on your first day Negan’s gonna kill you.” _ You hear a man’s voice through your walkie. It sounded distant, dulled by your aching body.

You brought the walkie to your lips, pressing the button. 

“I’m here.” You groaned. 

_ “You okay, kid?” _ The man asked.

You were silent for a moment, collecting yourself before responding, “Yeah. I’m good. Just got a headache.”

_ “You’re done in an hour, then you can get some sleep.” _ He responded.

You winced as you leaned against the compound wall, surveying the damage. Nothing felt broken, so that was good, but you got hit pretty hard in the head. You wouldn’t be surprised if you had a pretty nasty concussion. 

_ Okay. I’m good.  _ You thought.  _ Negan will freak out if he knows. I need a game plan for how to tell him.. _ There were some drops of blood on your shirt, probably from your nose. You struggled to your feet, holding yourself up on the fence. 

~~~~~~~

You finished your shift, the last hour painstakingly long. The next worker gave you a funny look as you limped away, but didn’t ask any questions. You slowly made your way to your room, praying that Negan was too busy to look for you. 

When you arrived at your floor, you looked around cautiously before limping to your room. Once you were inside, you sheepishly stripped out of your dirty clothes and headed for the communal showers in a robe Negan had gifted you. 

When the warm spray hit your skin you nearly groaned, letting the water wash away the blood and grime. You finished your shower, gently drying yourself off and surveying the bruises littering your skin. They were particularly nasty around your stomach and ribs, and there was a light purple circle under your right eye. Your head was throbbing, the fluorescent lights squeezing your head like a vice.

You made it back to your room quietly, sighing as you closed the door behind you. 

“Morning sweetheart.” Negan said, causing you to scream and jump. He was lounging in the corner chair, looking overly chipper for 5:00 in the morning. 

“Shit, Negan, you scared me.” You sighed, ducking your head and making your way to your dresser. Thankfully, it was on the left side of the room, allowing you to hide your black eye. The room was dim, which helped as well. 

“How was your first shift?” He asked, rising from his chair to approach you. 

“It was good.” You clipped, trying to sound normal and failing. Negan came up behind you, flattening his large hands over your sides. When his skin touched yours, you flinched visibly. 

“Are you hurt?” He asked in a concerned tone.

“No I’m good!” You responded, flinched away from his touch again. “I’m good. I’m just really tired. I should probably-“ Negan grasped your chin, angling your face towards him. You froze as he tipped your head to the side, inspecting your eyes. 

“What the fuck is that?” Negan growled.

“Nothing.” You whispered.

“Don’t fucking lie to me, doll.” Negan threatened.

You didn’t answer. He pulled at the tie on your robe, pushing it down over your shoulders. His eyes roved over your bruises, eyes cold and jaw clenched tight. 

“Who?” He growled.

“Negan- I was gonna tell you, I just didn’t know how-“

“WHO THE FUCK WAS IT, (Y/N)?!” He boomed. You flinched back, avoiding his eyes.

“It w-was Amber… she had some guy with her, but I couldn’t see who it was..” you whispered, lip quivering with unshed tears. 

Negan took a deep breath, letting it out through his nose. You could feel his eyes boring into you, but you didn’t look up. He crossed his arms over his chest, muscles tense.

“You let someone get the jump on you when you had weapons?”

“They threw a rock at my head! By the time I realized what was happening my weapons were gone!” You argued.

“You’re telling me you survive  _ years _ in the fucking apocalypse and you couldn’t fucking defend yourself?!” 

“So somehow this is my fault?!” You shouted.

“THEY COULD HAVE KILLED YOU, (Y/N)!” He shouted back. Neither of you spoke then, filling the room with sounds of your rage-filled breath. 

“5 AM, every fucking day doll. You’re training with me. This shit isn’t happening again.” He growled, setting his jaw and pointing between the two of you. Then, he was gone, slamming the door behind him. 

You sighed, sheepishly pulling on some comfy clothes. You remembered learning somewhere that you shouldn’t sleep with a concussion, so instead you resigned to seeing Doctor Carson. You’d be damned if a concussion was what killed you in a world like this. 

You headed towards the door, hearing a knock on the other side just as your hand landed on the doorknob. You swung it open slowly, being met with the kind eyes of Doctor Carson. 

“Hey, (Y/N)! Negan sent me. He said you had a bit of a scrap with another remember here, huh?” He asked carefully. 

“Yeah..” You sighed.

“Mind if I come in? I’ll check you out, make sure nothings hurt too bad.”

“Okay..fine. Come in.” You said. 

Carson checked you out as you told him what happened. He was most concerned about the rock that hit your head, but he seemed to think any severe damage would have made itself known by now. 

“You have a pretty bad concussion, but it doesn’t seem to be anything fatal. If I could do a brain scan I would..” He trailed off.

“Am I allowed to sleep?” You asked.

“I know it’s not what you want to hear, but no. I would say stay awake for the next 10 or so hours, just to make sure nothing happens. Now you can either come back to the infirmary with me, or you can have a friend keep an eye on you.”

_ Hah. Friends.  _ You thought bitterly.

“I’ll grab a friend. I’ll let you know if anything weird happens.” You said.

“I need to know about anything past the headache. Severe pain, loss of consciousness, anything.” He said. You sat on the bed, inspecting the tiled floor beneath you. 

“Feel better, kiddo.” Carson said before leaving you alone.

~~~~~~~

NEGAN’S POV

~~~~~~~

I’m gonna fucking kill her. Amber is such a raging bitch, she’s gonna get what’s fucking coming to her. I stormed down the hall, pushing open the door to the wives’ common area. 

There she was, sitting on the couch like the princess she fucking was. I kept my face cold, simply calling her in an even tone.

“Amber. A word.” I said. She walked out the door, and I followed her to my office. She looked fucking terrified. 

I shut the office door behind me, sighing and crossing my arms over my chest. She turned to me, eyes glassy as all hell, ready to burst into fucking tears.

“You fucked up big time, sweetheart.” I said, leaning back and emphasizing my words.

“Negan! Please don’t hurt me! I didn’t know that was gonna happen, I thought you were leaving us for her!” She started to babble, tears running down her face. 

I held up a finger, shutting her up instantly. I swaggered over to her, enjoying the fear in her eyes. 

“This can’t go unpunished, doll face.” I sighed. “You’re in a world of trouble.”

“Please...let me make it up to you…” She begged, letting her small hand land on my chest. My eyes dropped to it before returning to her face. 

Before I could say another word, she was dropping to her knees in front of me. She looked up at me with her doe eyes, fingers unfastening my belt and button. 

I didn’t say anything as she pulled out my cock, already hard. She stroked her hand over my shaft before sucking the tip into her mouth. I hissed through my teeth, cock twitching. I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, hell, this was a  _ huge  _ fuck up on my part. But her mouth wrapped around my cock was a new world of pleasure. This girl could suck dick like no fucking other.

I growled as she took the whole thing down her throat, fisting my hand in her hair and pushing her down further. This wouldn’t do shit to lessen her sentence, hell, she was probably gonna be dead by tomorrow, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna miss out on a free blowjob. 

~~~~~~~

NARRATOR’S POV

~~~~~~~

You lifted your hand to the wood of Negan’s door, cringing at the thought of going to him for help. Just as you were about to knock you decided instead to just let yourself in. You lived here for so long anyway, and you were sure he wasn't there. 

When the door swung open, you choked back a pained gasp. Negan was standing, hands fisted in Amber’s hair, her lips wrapped around his cock.

When he saw you he quickly pulled out of her mouth and put himself away. Eyes wide, you stumbled backwards before all rushing out of the room. 

“(Y/N).” Negan called, but didn’t make any move to chase after you. You limped to the stairwell, clutching the hand rail as you descended as quickly as you could. Tears blurred your vision, head and ribs aching. You made it to the ground floor, thankful that it was still early and not many people were awake. Your limped out into the yard, collapsing onto the floor on the side of the building. You propped yourself up against the wall, lifting you chin to try and fight the tears. 

You sat there for quite a while, wishing you had some pain meds to numb your aching body. You were lost in your thoughts when a young man came to sit on the ground next to you. He didn’t say anything, just sat there quietly. You heard the sound of a bottle unscrewing, but didn’t look up. 

The bottle sloshed as the man held it out sideways to you. You gingerly took the bottle, recognizing the amber liquid inside. You took a swig, brow furrowing at the burning taste.

“Thanks.” You said quietly, passing the bottle back.

“No problem.” The man said. He had a gentle voice, young and melodic. 

“What are you doing out here?” You asked quietly, still not looking at him. 

“Well I saw a gorgeous girl, looks like she’s been hurt to hell, tears in her eyes. Anyone that’s crying at 6:00 in the morning could use a drink.” He stated matter-of-factly.

You looked up at him then, being met with gentle brown eyes. He had handsome features, young and chiseled. Freckles peppered his cheeks, and dark brown curls gathered at the top of his head. Your eyes found his, staring for a moment before looking away.

He took a breath in, sighing it out. The air was chilled, with the gentle sound of crickets in the morning dew. 

“You know, it’s easier to talk about your problems with a stranger.” He suggested. You shook your head and laughed bitterly.

“I only know strangers.” You said quietly.

“I’ll tell you what. You tell me what’s worrying that pretty head of yours, and if you like my company I’ll introduce myself. No strings attached.” He offered. You smiled lightly.

“Okay, stranger.” You said softly. 

“I was in love with this guy, even though he did shitty things to me all the time.” You laughed bitterly. “He wasn’t a ’one woman kind of guy’, so he saw a few other women while he was with me.” You started to explain. 

“Turns out one of the woman absolutely hated me. Had someone jump me when I wasn’t expecting it.” The man held out his bottle of whisky. You took it, swigging another burning sip before continuing. “He finds out, and starts yelling at me because  _ I  _ didn’t defend myself well enough. He storms away, so I go see Doc to make sure I’m not gonna kick the bucket. Doc told me I can’t sleep for 10 hours, so I head back to his room to ask him to keep an eye on me. I open the door, and he’s got the  _ same woman  _ sucking his cock.” You laugh bitterly again. 

“So here I am.” You sighed.

“Here you are.” The man said. 

“Why are  _ you  _ drinking at 6 AM?” You ask. 

“I really fucking like whiskey.” He said. You laughed, shaking your head. 

“I don’t know if I can be friends with an alcoholic.” You teased lightly. 

“Who said anything about friends? You don’t even know my name yet.” He teased back, you could hear a smile in his voice. 

“(Y/N).” You said, finding his dark eyes again. 

“James.” He responded, the corner of his mouth turning up in a crooked grin.

“Still need someone to stay with you? 10 hours is a long time to stay awake when you look as tired as you do.” He said. You noticed a slight southern accent in his voice, pulling at the edges of his words.

“Yeah, actually. I don’t really know anyone else that would be willing to babysit me for a whole day.” You shook your head.

“Well I would be honored to be in your company, Miss (Y/N).” He said softly.

“No work?” You asked.

“I work overnights, I’m night watch on the south side. Don’t have another shift for a couple days.” He said.

“Really? No way! I just started as night watch on the north side.” You smiled. 

“Looks like we have more in common than we thought.” He smiled. He rose to his feet, stretching out his hand to help you up. You took in what you could see, long limbs with the muscles of a manual laborer. He helped you get to your feet, watching you cringe through the pain. 

“Anything broken?” He asked.

“Nah. Just a nasty concussion and some bruises.” You said. 

“Where do you wanna go, dollface? We can go back to my room, but I get it if you aren’t comfortable with that.” He said with a wink.

“I can’t exactly go to mine…” You cringed. “But if you try anything, I won’t hesitate.” You warned, half teasing and half serious. 

He laughed brightly. “I’ll be on my best behavior, I swear.” He said. 

James let you grasp his arm, limping your way to the second floor. When you got to his room, he opened the door and let you follow him inside. His room was plain, with an old acoustic guitar propped up against the wall. 

“Do you play?” You asked. 

“Yeah! I used to play before the world ended. I saved up enough points to get this old lady.” He said, motioning to his guitar. 

“I used to play too, I can’t remember the last time I thought about it though..” You said. “May I?” You asked, motioning to his bed. 

“No, you have to stand for the next 10 hours.” He teased. You shook your head, sitting gingerly on the edge of his bed. 

“Sorry to just intrude like this…I wasn’t lying when I said I really don’t know anyone.” You said. 

“Don’t worry about it, some of us just got more important things to do.” He said, sitting in the chair in the other corner. 

He leaned over, picking up his guitar and positioning it on his lap. You laid back gently as he started to play a familiar song. His fingers strummed at the strings, plucking the notes to “gymnopedie no.1”. It was one of your favorite songs as a child. 

“It’s one of my favorites.” You said lightly. You turned onto your side, nuzzling into his pillow as you watched him play. It smelled new, like cinnamon and whisky. You decided you liked how it smelled. 

You don’t know how long you sat there, listening to him play as many songs as he knew. You felt your eyelids droop, comfortable and warm laying on James’ bed. Your eyes closed, feeling sleep start to creep into your vision. You were surprised at how much your guard was down, maybe from lack of sleep or the concussion, or maybe just because James was a kind face in a sea of cruel ones. 

“Hey, sweetheart. You can’t sleep.” You said gently. You must have dozed off, because his guitar was back to its spot against the wall and he was crouching at the side of the bed. 

You groaned, pushing against his forehead with your palm. He laughed lightly, his hand landing on your cheek. He pulled it away quickly, looking shocked that he had done that. You stared into his dark eyes for a moment, questioning what you were feeling. 

You cleared your throat, breaking his gaze. “You sure you don’t mind me hogging your bed?” You asked.

“I’m sure. Just washed my sheets and everything.” He said. “You just came from work?” He asked.

“Yeah,” You said, huffing as you tried to prop yourself up in bed. It felt too intimate when you were laying down. 

“Jesus, when’s the last time you slept?” He asked. 

“Uhh, I guess I woke up around 6:00 yesterday morning?” You said. 

He shook his head in disbelief. “No wonder you feel like shit.” He said. There was a pause, both of you sitting in silence comfortably.

“How’d you end up here?” You asked. 

“I didn’t live too far from here before the world went to shit. I was with a group, but most of them died before we got anywhere safe.” He said.

“I’m sorry.” You said softly.

“We all lost people, dollface.” He sighed. “One person in my group survived, her name’s Jen.” 

“S’ She special?” You asked.

“Not like that,” He said softly. “She’s like an annoying sister.” 

You laughed. “I guess it’s good to have someone that’s like family.” You said. You tried to keep the sadness from your tone, but were unsuccessful.

“What about you?” He asked.

“I was with a group for a while. It’s funny, actually. I got split up from them, and Negan’s group ended up scavenging near where I was living. I didn’t think I would survive much longer, so I stowed away on one of his trucks.” You giggled.

“No way!”

“Yeah! I lived here under the radar for a couple weeks. I faked a job in the laundry room, stole food, and slept on the roof.” You explained.

‘Holy shit! And Negan didn’t kill you?” He asked in astonishment.

“Oh he was  _ mad.  _ I got locked in the cells for a couple of days.” You shook your head. Your mind wandered to those times...so much had happened in your life since then.

James didn’t say anything, regarding you with unknown emotions in his eyes. 

“Are you his?” He asked quietly. 

“He thinks I am.” You responded. “I don’t know anymore… He’s hurt me so many times, it’s almost like he doesn’t care about me at all.” You laughed bitterly.

“Is he gonna hurt me?” He asked, though he didn’t seem at all concerned with it.

“You haven’t done anything.” You said quietly. His eyes dropped to your lips for a split second before he looked away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! As always, I enjoy reading your comments and finding out what you think. For all of you still reading this, thank you so much. I've never written anything like this before and you have made me so proud of my work. <3


	27. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you wanna sleep here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another one! Enjoy xx

It had been five hours now. You spent most of that time making nice conversation with James. You forgot how nice it was to have intimate conversation with another human. At this point, you knew each other's life stories, along with some funny memories and favorite things. As you talked, James seemed to get more comfortable. He slowly moved to sit across from you on the bed, legs crossed and facing you. After a while he shifted to lay down with his long legs hanging off the bed. 

Eventually, he slid up the bed to lay on the pillow next to yours. You thought you’d feel uncomfortable at the closeness, but you honestly felt more comfortable with him than anyone else in this place. You both laid on your backs, staring at the ceiling as you talked about what your life plans were before the world ended.

~~~~~~~~

Eight hours. You were fighting to stay awake. James was playing guitar for you again, pushing you to sing even when you were way too embarrassed. He had a beautiful singing voice, like he may have sang a few times around a campfire. He finished the song with a few hard strums, before laughing and finding your eyes.

“Hungry?” He asked. He had offered to get food twice before, but you turned him down both times. He snacked on some almonds in the meantime.

“Okay, fine. Let’s get some food.” You resigned. You moved to stand up, but James shook his head and offered to go by himself.

“No, I’ll come. I could stand to get out of this stinky room.” You teased.

“Hey! I’ll have you know I spent my hard-earned points on those air fresheners for a  _ reason.”  _ He sassed. You laughed, toeing your shoes onto your feet.

You suddenly felt your stomach lurch, thinking about what Negan would do if he spotted you with another man. 

“James..” You said. “I don’t want you to get hurt.” You warned. “I don’t know what Negan will do if he sees me with someone else.” 

“I don’t care, (Y/N). I’m not afraid of him.” He said.

“You should be.” You said.

~~~~~~

You walked into the mess hall, following behind James. He pulled out a chair for you, letting you sit down while he grabbed two trays of food. You gave him your ID code, knowing he wouldn’t use it anyway.

“Hey sweetheart.” James said, sitting across from you at the table. “You look like a zombie.” He laughed as he took a bite of his sandwich. 

You laughed. “Thanks, asshole.” 

“Eat up, can’t get healthy if you’re starving.” He said. You happily ate your sandwich, discussing favorite movies as you went.

About twenty minutes into eating, you heard silence lull across the dining hall. You turned your head, noticing everyone dropping to their knees.

_ Great. _

You stood up as well, painfully dropping to your knees. James came to your side, kneeling next to you. You felt his bristle at Negan’s attendance, maybe already a little protective of you.

“Afternoon, fuckers!” Negan shouted. He swaggered to the middle of the room, his arm slung around Amber. She looked terrified, eyes red and puffy. 

“Now we had a little problem sometime last night.” He continued. “My lovely wife, here, decided to  _ pay  _ some sorry fucker to  _ jump  _ a fellow member here at our  _ lovely fucking  _ community.” He emphasised his words with a backwards lean. “That is a  _ huge  _ fucking no-no.”

Amber sobbed then, the weight of the situation dawning on her. He motioned to the saviors behind him, and they pushed Amber down onto her knees. He strutted in front of her, catching her jaw with his fingers.

“I do love the sight of a woman on her knees.” He drawled. He continued to speak, circling her and swinging Lucille menacingly.

“Now I  _ know  _ the sorry fucker that did the dirty work. In fact, he’s standing in this lovely room  _ right now.” _ He smiled maniacally.

He left Amber, strolling menacingly through the room. He whistled as he went, the only sound in the room. It was as if everyone was holding their breath, terrified of his presence.

“I wonder who the lucky guy is.” He said in a sing-song voice. “Maybe it’s you.” He motioned with his bat to an unsuspecting man. The man shook his head nervously. “Or you.” He pointed to another man.

“On second thought,” He said, pretending to have just had a good idea. “Bill!” He called. Someone pushed bill onto his hands and knees in front of Negan.

“Bill, Bill, Bill.” He scolded, shaking his head. “I have a  _ really. Fucking. Easy. _ Way to tell if it was you, Bill.” He said in a sing-song tone, pulling the man back to his knees. The man was visibly shaking, beet red and cowering in fear.

  
“Show me those knuckles, Bill!” Negan roared. “You damn near broke my good friend’s eye socket. That’s  _ sure  _ to leave a fucking mark.” He smiled evilly.

The man held his hands out, hands shaking violently. Though you were quite far from him, you could see the purple bruises littering his knuckles.

“Bring him to the front.” He told the two men standing on either side of him. Without question, they dragged the man to his feet and made him kneel next to Amber.

“What a  _ beautiful  _ fucking couple. Lucille thinks so too.” He says, stroking over Lucille’s wooden surface.

Amber was crying hysterically, face twisted in an ugly sob.

“My lovely wife…” He said, tilting her chin up to his. “You fucked up big time, not gonna lie. Honestly, I don’t  _ want  _ to bash your fucking skull in,” He continued. He paused, drawing out the anticipation, dialing up the fear.

“So I’ll give you a fucking choice. Lucille loves to play with the fucking ladies.” He said. Your stomach lurched, expecting what was to come.

“You can take Lucille here, treat her real nice, and bash old Bill’s head in,” She was crying even harder now.

“Or, I’ll kill both of you and we’ll all move on with our lovely fucking day!” He bellowed. Tense silence rippled through the room. Even though most of the compound was here, you could hear a pin drop.

“What’ll it be, sweetheart?” He asked. You bristled at him calling her the same name he called you.

She slowly reached out her hand, trembling violently. Negan smiled wickedly, placing Lucille in her hands. 

“Thata girl!” He said. “Get the fuck to it!” He laughed.

Amber stood up, looking Bill in the eyes as he kneeled before her. She brought the bat high above her head. Before she swung it down, you abruptly stood up and sprinted out of the room. Your vision tunneled as you pushed open the bathroom door, quickly heaving the contents of your stomach into the nearest toilet.

Negan was a monster.

There was no hiding it now,

No covering it up with pretty lies.

You leaned over the toilet, gasping for breath. 

“(Y/N)?” You heard James’ voice.

“In here.” You panted. Tears clouded for vision, dripping down into the toilet bowl. You flushed, exiting the bathroom stall and leaning down to wash your mouth out at the sink.

James stood at the door, a look of concern painting his features. When you finished rinsing your mouth, you wiped the water on your sleeve and turned to him. You couldn’t see your own face, but you could only guess you looked absolutely destroyed.

James didn’t ask any questions. He just walked towards you with purpose and pulled you into a warm hug. You sobbed into his shoulder, hearing him whisper, “I’m so sorry.” More times than you could count. When you looked up, his soft brown eyes were searching for yours.

His warm hand landed on your cheek, thumb wiping the tears from your skin. His eyes bounced back and forth between yours, as if he was searching within them. His eyes dropped to your lips again, moving just a hair closer to you. 

Your trance was broken by the sound of someone clearing their throat. Your eyes broke away from James’, spotting Negan leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed. Lucille dangled at his side, dripping with blood and brain matter. You stepped back from James, eyes to the floor. 

“Get out of here, kid.” Negan said, voice measured and dangerous. James looked at you one more time before quietly leaving the bathroom. You turned swiftly, shutting yourself into the nearest stall. You heard Negan sigh slowly. The bathroom door shut gently, lock sliding into place.

“Sweetheart,” Negan said gently.

“Don’t fucking call me that.” You snapped from behind the stall. Your voice was shaking with rage and grief.

“Open the door, (Y/N).” He commanded.

“Go away, Negan. I don’t want to talk to you.” You whispered.

“(Y/N), doll,” He sighed. “Open the door. C’mon sweetheart.” He said. His feet were right on the other side of the door, forehead pressed against it. You sobbed, shaking your head.

You lifted your hand, flicking the latch on the door. It swung open slowly, and you were met with Negan’s large form.

He didn’t say anything, looking at you with grief in his eyes. 

“I don’t want to talk to you,” You breathed, shaking your head. Negan strode towards you. You shook your head, repeating yourself as he wrapped you in a strong hug. “I don’t want to talk to you.” You sobbed, collapsing against him. 

“I know.” He whispered, squeezing your tighter. 

“You’re a monster.” You whispered through your tears.

“I know, sweetheart.” 

You cried for a long time, standing in his arms, shaking with grief.

“Look at me.” He said softly. “Hey.” He pushed, cupping your cheek and drawing your eyes up to his. He looked at you with hazel eyes, brow furrowed slightly.

“If you hurt him, I will  _ never  _ forgive you.” You said firmly. 

“If I ever see him looking at you like that again, I can’t guarantee anything, doll.” He argued.

“Negan- I mean it. I’ve barely known him for a full  _ day  _ and he treats me better than you ever will.” You snapped.

“Watch it.” He threatened. You stepped back, making space between you. 

“I don’t have the energy to be afraid of you, Negan.” You shook your head.

“You’re on thin ice.” He warned.

“What are you gonna do? Lock me in the cells? Make me beat someone to death with a fucking baseball bat?!” You yelled, pushing against his chest with your hands. “Revenge fuck your wives just to hurt me?! SHOOT MY FUCKING HUSBAND?!” You screamed in his face. He grabbed your wrists, holding you at a distance. He didn’t say anything, looking at you with cold eyes.

“Are you done?” He said coldly. You pulled away from him, looking at him with disgust. 

“We’re done.” You said quietly, turning towards the door.

“Don’t you  _ dare  _ walk away from me!” He shouted.

“What are you gonna do, kill me?” You pushed.

“Don’t make me, doll.” He said angrily.

You looked straight into his eyes,

_ “I hate you, Negan.”  _ You said with full conviction.

He regarded with cold eyes, but didn’t stop you as you unlocked the door and left the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~

You approached a familiar door, hearing the gentle sound of a guitar through the wood. You knocked gently.

It opened a second later, and you were met with James’ freckles and curls.

“Hey..” You said.

“Hey, sweetheart.” He smiled sympathetically. He stepped to the side, ushering you inside. You sat down on his bed, planting your elbows on your knees and hanging your head.

He sat silently next to you, offering you a sip from his open bottle of whisky. You took it, and thankfully gulped a few sips. You winced as it burned your throat. “Thanks.” You said.

“No problem, stranger.” James smiled lightly. You leaned to your side, resting your head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around you, rubbing light circles on your waist.

“I thought I loved him…” You whispered.

“He doesn’t know how good he has it.” He responds softly. 

You sat up, looking at him through puffy eyes. “I’m afraid it’ll never get better..” You breathed.

“I thought so too,” He responded. “But I didn’t know you a day ago and it feels way fucking better since then.” His eyes dropped to your lips again. You stopped breathing, lips parting gently.

He leaned in, just a breath.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, barely audible. You nodded almost imperceptibly. Then, your lips met, soft and gentle. You closed your eyes, slowly moving your lips in sync with his. His hand came to cup your face, tilting your head gently for easier access. 

You parted slowly, cheeks pink. You stayed close for a moment, before he pulled you under his arm and guided you to rest your head against his shoulder. You sat in silence for a long while, eyelids growing heavier.

“Has it been 10 hours?” You asked sleepily.

“Close enough.” James chuckled. “Do you wanna sleep here?” He asked softly.

“If you’re okay with that?” You asked hesitantly.

“C’mon. It’s not every day you get to share a bed with a complete stranger.” He smiled. You rolled your eyes, smiling too.

He climbed under the blankets, welcoming you into his arms. You scooted your back to his chest, his breath fanning gently across your hair.

“Are you gonna forgive him?” He asked, voice sounding groggier than usual.

“I don’t know if it’s even possible.” You sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhh jeez. I really wrote myself into a pickle here. What do you want to see happen? Do you want to see OC and Negan make up?


	28. Let Me Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Pack your shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter of this absolute dumpster fire. I hope people are still sticking around for this because honestly it's a whole mess.

You woke gently, feeling James’ warm body against yours. He stirred, stretching his spine and pulling you a bit closer to him. 

“Y’okay, sweetheart?” He sighed in a sleepy voice.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” You responded softly. You shifted, rolling onto your back to stare at the ceiling. James gazed at you groggily, trying to read your expression in the dim room.

“Unfinished business?” He asked.

“Something like that.” You whispered. You turned on your side towards him, worry painting your features. “I like you.” You said softly.

“I like you too.” He responded, cupping your jaw and running his thumb over your skin. 

You were searching within yourself for the courage to speak the next sentence. You had only known James for a day, but you felt the need to hold onto someone to unique in a world like this. You rolled onto your back again, looking at the ceiling.

You inhaled, parting your lips. “If you had the chance, would you run away from here?” You breathed, so quiet you were surprised he heard you. He rolled onto his back too.

“It would be tough as shit, no lie. It’s really fucking dangerous out there, (Y/N). We have food and shelter here..” He said.

You didn’t say anything.

“But if I had the chance, I’d do it anyway, I think.” He added.

You sat up, looking at him. “I have to go...I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” You said quietly. He smiled lightly.

“You know where to find me, stranger.” 

~~~~~~

You had no idea what time it was, probably around the time Negan would wake up. It was still dark, and the sun was just starting to dim the morning sky.

You climbed the stairs as fast as you could, head spinning from your concussion. When you arrived on Negan’s floor, you gently knocked on the door. You had no idea what you were going to say to him, and frankly he didn’t deserve to see you, but you couldn’t stop yourself from wanting to see him.

The door opened, and you were met with Negan’s tattooed body. He had a towel slung low around his hips, water droplets on his shoulders from a recent shower. You stared at him wide eyed, unsure of what you should say. Negan stepped to the side, an unspoken permission for you to step inside.

You walked over the threshold, standing silently in the middle of his room. 

“Doll…” He said softly. You turned, looking at him with glassy eyes. He strode towards you. You let him into your space.

His jaw ticked, eyes focusing on your lips. They bounced up to meet yours, silently asking for permission. You gently shook your head “no”.

“I don’t even know why I’m mad, you warned me.” You laughed bitterly, shaking your head. 

He didn’t say anything, silently telling you to continue. 

“Since the day we met, you’ve been hurting me. You’ve done  _ so many  _ terrible things to me!” You started to cry. “And then, when I finally think you love me, you rip the carpet out from under me again.” You lip shook, you turned to hide your face from him. 

“I’m sorry, doll..” He whispered.

“Sorry isn’t good enough, Negan.” You said quietly. 

“Sweetheart-“ He said, reaching his hands out to rest on your arms. 

“No! Don’t touch me!” You cried, pushing him back with all of your strength. He staggered back a step.

“Don’t touch me.” You whispered. You could feel yourself breaking down, losing grasp on the situation.

“(Y/N).” Negan warned. 

“You think you’re hot shit Negan!? You’re  _ nothing _ .” You cried, feeling pure rage bubble up inside you. 

“Watch it-” He warned. 

“What are you gonna do, Negan? Huh? Just kill me so I can be free of this fucking hell!” You shouted, pushing at his chest.

Negan picked up Lucille, pushing you backwards until you fell onto your ass. His face was painted with pure rage, eyes angry. He lifted Lucille above his head.

You broke down into tears, sobbing, “Just kill me!” You closed your eyes, expecting the bat to come down on you. 

Instead, you heard Negan sigh. His wooden bat clattered on the floor a moment later. You avoided Negan’s eyes, staring instead at the floor. Tears ran down your face, leaving drops of water there.

“Pack your shit.” He said evenly. You looked up at him.

He looked destroyed. Eyes red and teary, jaw clenched tight. 

“Pack your shit. Take your goddamn boyfriend. I’ll give you a truck.” He said softly.

“What?” You whispered.

“Get the fuck out of here, (Y/N).” He said quietly, turning towards the bathroom. The door shut behind him, and you were left sitting on the floor in shock. 

You stood up, quietly leaving Negan’s room and heading down the stairs. 

~~~~~~

You knocked on James’ door. He called “Come in!” from the other side. You twisted the doorknob, stepping into the room. He looked at you expectantly in the dim light.

“He’s letting me leave.” You said softly. James sat up abruptly, looking at you in shock.

“What?” He asked.

“He said I can leave.” You repeated. 

James jumped up, coming to stand in front of you. “Are you going?” He asked quietly.

“I don’t know.” You whispered.

He stepped closer to you then, cupping your face in his hands. You parted your lips, ducking your eyes as he pressed his lips to yours. Your eyes fluttered closed, moving your lips in sync with his. When you parted, you whispered, 

“Come with me.”

“(Y/N)-” He sighed.

“I know we haven’t known each other that long, but I can’t stay here anymore, James. I haven’t met anyone I enjoy as much as you, and I’m not ready to say goodby-”

He pressed his lips to yours again, more passionately this time. He stepped towards you, backing you up until the back of your legs hit the bed. You buckled, laying down on the sheets. James climbed on top of you, cupping your jaw with his free hand. Your hands found the hem of his shirt, pulling on it gently. He stilled your hands, speaking against your mouth. “Hey-” He said, in between kisses.

“Sweetheart-” He sighed. “It’s not the right time for that.” He whispered, pressing his forehead to yours. You sighed.

“I’m sorry.” You breathed.

“Don’t be sorry. We’ll have plenty of time on our adventure out in the big bad world.” He smiled.

“Really?” You asked excitedly.

“Sweetheart, I would love to escape this hellhole with you.” He said. You pressed your lips to his again, smiling against his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so maybe no Negan for a bit, but I promise he'll be back! I have to think of some way to redemption-arc this asshole. 
> 
> I hope people are still enjoying this. Hopefully it isn't too crazy because honestly this stuff writes itself and it gets out of hand quickly. Thank you for reading!


	29. New Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She would have liked you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY
> 
> Please don't send an angry mob after me.
> 
> (SIDE NOTE: I hope all of you realized this by now, but obviously this relationship with Negan and OC is SUPER TOXIC AND UNHEALTHY. If this was a true story, I would want OC to be as far away from Negan as possible. Since it's only fiction, Negan and OC will end up together in the end.)

Your stuff was packed. Room empty. A duffel slung over your shoulder with your entire life packed away inside. You stood in the open yard, awaiting Negan’s arrival. Your hands were shaking, adrenaline rushing through you at the thought of what was about to happen.

James stood at your side, backpack in hand. 

You heard the door open behind you, and saw Negan swagger into the yard. You turned to see him, but you were met with cold eyes.

“Give us a minute, kid.” Negan said without looking at James. James set his bag down and walked away, waiting inside.

“Any way I can convince you to stay?” He asked, stepping a step closer to you. He looked handsome, leather jacket on. He clutched his wrist with his other hand, standing tall and broad. You didn’t say anything, looking at him sadly.

He sighed, motioning to the bench set up against the building wall. “Sit.” He gruffed.

You sat next to him silently, nerves strung taut with unreleased electricity.

His body was reclined, arm stretched out across the back of the bench. You turned towards him, finally meeting his eyes. He looked tired, with purple crescents under his eyes. He looked out into the yard, appearing deep in thought.

“I was so fucking in love with Lucille. My wife.” He said. “I treated her like shit. She didn’t fucking deserve that. Somehow she put up with my shit anyway though.” He laughed lightly. “She was tough as nails, that woman. Died of cancer right before the world ended. I cheated on her, we spit venom at eachother like fucking vipers. I loved her to death, though.” He shook his head. You still didn’t speak.

“I always told myself if I had another fucking chance I’d do it all different.” He sighed. “I didn’t think I’d ever love anyone again. Not like her, at least. Then I met you. That first day you fucking yelled in my face because you found out about the wives?” He chuckled. “I fell so fucking in love with you I didn’t fucking know how to handle it.” He sighed, turning to meet your eyes.

“She would have liked you.” He said, eyes a bit more glassy than they were before. You stared into his eyes for a long while, unable to find the right words to say.

“I know I’m really fucking shitty at showin’ it doll, but I fucking love you.” He gritted, jaw tight with emotion. “I know I can’t fucking fix this.” The corners of his mouth twitched, tears coming to his eyes.

“The last good thing I can do for you is get you as far away from me as possible.” He said, a tear slipping down his cheek.

“Negan…” You whispered, realizing your eyes were wet as well. Without saying another word, you pressed your lips passionately to his. His hand came up to cup your cheek, lips moving fervently against each other’s. You could feel tears sliding down your cheeks, a sob hitching your breath. When you pulled away, he held you close, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Come back to me, doll. Don’t let me die without seeing you again.” He said quietly, brushing a tear from your cheek.

“Okay.” You breathed. You pulled away, sitting on the bench with your knees pulled into your chest.

“I packed the truck up with anything you might need. Ammo, soap, weapons.” He said. You nodded and stood up. 

“I need you to take this, doll.” He planted a satellite phone in your hand. “You ever need me, you call.” He said. He brushed a hand over your hair, pulling your head towards him again. He spoke his last words into your hair.

“Take care of yourself, sweetheart.”

~~~~~~~~

You climbed into the car, with James in the driver’s seat. The gates opened for you when you pulled up, and you were off into the open world. You agreed with James that you should head towards the suburbs, avoiding the cities. Once you were on the path, you sat in silence.

“How’d things go with Negan?” He asked. “I didn’t think that guy was capable of crying.”

“It was really sad.” You said.

“D’you love him?” He asked.

“Yeah, I do.” You responded.

“I don’t know what that means for us, I know that probably feels shitty-”

“(Y/N), it’s cool. We all have history. I told you ‘no strings attached,’ I meant it.” He said.

“Thank you, James.” You responded softly.

~~~~~~~~~

You drove for hours, trying to find a good place to stop. Eventually, James pulled into a small neighborhood, which you thought would be a good place to rest. Many of the houses had boarded-up windows, so that made it easier for you. 

You picked a nearby house that was at a good angle, with a chain link fence around the outside. It would be enough to lay low for the next day or so. You both exited the truck, armed with silent weapons such as knives and bows. You had a holstered gun at your hip, just in case. There was a small horde of walkers, about five of them meandering near the gate. You took them out one by one, pushing them aside to get your truck inside the gate. It seemed that whoever lived here was gone. As James pulled the truck inside, you opened the front door. You waited in silence, expecting the sound of the truck to draw out any walkers that may be inside. 

You didn’t hear any noise inside, finally putting your guard down once all the rooms were cleared. The house was cute, with lace-trimmed curtains and floral armchairs. It seemed to be someone’s vacation home, perhaps. There were pictures of an old couple hanging in the hallway. 

“Pretty good for a first pick, huh?” James said.

“Yeah, I’d say so.” You responded.

You both secured the perimeter, ensuring that the doors were locked tight and there were no weak spots in the fence or windows. When you were comfortable with the security, you searched the inside of the house for anything useful. It looked like the house had been stripped, kitchen cabinets open and empty. There weren’t any useful kitchen appliances, so you were thankful Negan provided you with a propane stove and some camping meals.

You cooked the meals while James set up a sleeping area. He found some old blankets in the closet, and dragged a mattress from the back room so you would both have full view of the front door. You ate your meals, talking about where you would go from there. 

“I’m sure you’re tired. I know I fucking am.” James said, pulling out a bottle of whisky from his bag. 

“Seriously?” You laughed, stealing the bottle and sipping from it.

“Hey! It’s not like we get a commissary, this stuff is a commodity!” He joked.

You yawned and stretched. “Time for bed?” You asked.

“I’ll stay up, make sure nothing happens. I’ll wake you up halfway through the night.” He said.

“Okay, fine. I can drive tomorrow.” You said.

You tucked yourself into the bed, nose filled with a dusty scent from the blankets. Sleep took you quickly, sending you into the peaceful darkness. 

~~~~~~~

You bolted upright in bed, gasping for air. Your heart was pounding, eyes wide with fear. After sitting for a second, you realized you had a nightmare, and were thankful it wasn’t real. 

Your chest felt tight, anxiety overwhelming from what haunted your dreams. 

“Hey,” James said gently, coming to kneel at the side of your bed. “You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah...just a nightmare…” You panted. “We can change shifts now?” You asked.

“Sure, sweetheart.” He said gently, kissing you on the cheek. 

~~~~~ 

You stayed awake until you knew James was asleep, paying attention to the way his breathing evened out. You dug through your bag, pulling out the satellite phone Negan gave you. You gave a once-over of your area before silently moving to the bathroom. 

You turned on the phone, dialing the number Negan had left for you. You knew he probably wouldn’t answer, seeing as it was around 3 AM, but your hands were still shaking from your restless sleep, and honestly you needed to hear his voice.

The phone rang a couple times, before a familiar gruff voice answered. 

“(Y/N)?” Negan asked.

“Yeah...s’me.” You said quietly. “Had a nightmare.” 

You heard Negan sigh on the other line. “Where are you?” He asked.

“I can’t tell you, but we’re safe. We found a good house to stay in for a little while.” You explained. 

“I wish you’d come back to me, doll.” He sighed.

“I can’t, Negan…” You whispered.

“What was it about?” He asked, referencing the nightmare. You slid to the floor in the bathroom, leaning against the cabinet. 

”I came back, and I was running around trying to find you. I kept asking people where you were, but they kept saying they didn’t know who you were.” You said quietly. 

“I’m sorry, doll. You know damn well everyone knows who this guy is.” He chuckled lightly, trying to lift the mood. 

“What are you doing tomorrow?” You asked, trying to change the subject. You knew it only made it more painful if you kept talking to him, but his voice soothed you in a way no one else’s could. 

“I got some official shit to do. Nothing special, sweetheart.” He drawled. “What about you?”

“I think we’re gonna stay here for another day, maybe search some other houses nearby.” You said. “Then we’re back on the road.” 

“Make sure you get some rest.” He said.

“I did. We’re taking turns to make sure nothing happens overnight.”

Negan didn’t say anything, silence stretching over you like a suffocating fog. 

“I’m gonna go now, Negan.” You said quietly. 

“I love you, sweetheart.” He gruffed.

“I love you too.” You said, hanging up the phone with a quiet  _ click. _

You left the bathroom, coming to sit on the couch again. James was laying on his side, and you could barely make out his form in the darkness. He stirred, voice sleepy, 

“C’mere, sweetheart.” He said.

“Did I wake you?” You asked.

“It’s okay. I’m an insomniac anyway, that’s what the whiskey is for.” He joked. 

You slid into bed next to him, tucking yourself into his chest. 

“What’s going on with us?” He asked softly.

“I have no idea, James.” You sighed and sat up, facing him. 

“I like you, I really do.” You said. He sat up too.

“I know, (Y/N).” He said softly. 

“It’s not right for me to be halfway out the door with you.” You whispered. “You deserve better than that.”

“So what now?” He asked. You paused, thinking. 

“We should probably just be friends.” You said. You realized you were much closer now, only a breath apart. Your eyes were cast downward, just as his were. 

“I still want you.” He breathed. 

“This isn’t a good idea…” You responded.

“Nothing wrong with wanting to forget for a little while, sweetheart.” He whispered. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

*** WILL INDICATE NEGAN’S POV

~~~ WILL INDICATE OC’S POV

~~~~~~~~~~~~

He closed the distance between you, pressing his lips gently to yours. You closed your eyes, letting the sensations occupy the front of your mind. James laid you down, rolling on top of you.

He dropped his head to your neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses to your sensitive skin. You sighed, lifting your chin to give him better access.

***

Negan knocked on Sherri’s door, letting himself in soon after. She was standing, ready to open the door. He stormed towards her, capturing her lips in a rough kiss. It was easier if he couldn’t see her face. 

~~~

James pulled your shirt over your head, kissing gently across your collarbone. His lips trailed down your chest, mouthing at your nipple through the fabric of your bra.

***

Negan pulled her shirt over her head, harshly sucking the skin of her neck between his teeth. She moaned out. He wished it was you.

~~~

James sucked your nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue over the sensitive bud. You moaned, arching your back towards him.

“You sound so beautiful.” He sighed. You wished his voice was more familiar, deep and smooth. His lips trailed down your stomach, stopping at the waistband of your pants.

***

Negan pulled Sherri’s shorts off, quickly circling his fingers over her clit. She moaned dramatically, arching her hips towards him.

~~~ 

James’ fingers gently circled your clit. You felt a familiar pressure start to light within your lower belly. He dragged a finger through your wetness, pressing one finger in slowly. You sighed, tightening around him.

***

Negan drove his fingers in and out of Sherri, curling them upward to bring her closer to her orgasm. She was breathing heavy, moaning loudly.

~~~

James curled his fingers inside of you, causing you to moan loudly. 

“Oh fuck!” You gasped, focusing on the intensity of your pleasure.

“C’mon, beautiful, cum for me.” He said softly, circling his thumb over your clit. You screwed your eyes shut, imagining Negan’s thick fingers inside of you.

***

“Cum.” Negan gruffed, feeling Sherry flutter around him. “Come on.” He pushed, circling his thumb over her clit. She gasped, tightening around him. He continued to thrust his fingers in and out of her and she writhed with pleasure. 

~~~

“Cum for me.” James said. You felt the coil within you snap, screwing your eyes shut as pleasure pulsed through you. You wished you heard a “good girl” as you rode out your orgasm. 

***

Negan lined up his cock, rubbing it up and down Sherri’s wet slit. He pressed inside, too impatient to wait any longer. He closed his eyes, basking in the feeling of her. He imagined it was you as he pounded in and out of her.

~~~

James kissed your neck as he lined his cock up with your entrance. 

“Do you want it?” He asked, panting with arousal.

“Fuck me, James.” You panted. He pressed inside you, seating himself to the hilt. He didn’t waste any time, starting to thrust in and out of you in smooth strokes. You moaned, losing yourself in the feeling of him. 

***

Negan turned Sherri over, pounding deep into her from behind. He felt the telltale ache of his approaching orgasm, taking his pleasure from her. Finally, he groaned, slamming into her one more time before pulling out. He slid his hand firmly up and down his shaft, spurting hot ropes of cum over her backside. He sat there for a moment, cock twitching, feeling absolutely disgusting. 

~~~

James pounded into you, groaning at the feeling of your tight pussy. 

“So fucking tight.” He groaned, bringing his fingers down to rub at your swollen clit. He kissed your neck as he fucked you, jolting your body backwards and forwards. You moaned, tightening your legs around him. 

“Where do you want me to cum?” He panted. 

“I can’t get pregnant.. Cum inside me.” You responded. He growled, slamming into you a few more times before seating himself inside you and spilling his seed. You felt his cock twitch, warmth flooding your insides. 

He stayed there for a while, pressing feathery kisses to your neck and shoulder. Guilt twisted in your gut, feeling bad that you only used James to forget. 

“You okay?” He asked, pulling out of you. 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” You lied.

***

Negan pulled out, rolling onto his back next to Sherri. 

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“Yeah, darlin’. I’m okay.” He lied. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. I know full well that both Negan and OC are being complete idiots right now. It's going to get better, I promise.
> 
> Okay, so usually I write these chapters one at a time with no pre-planning, but I finally have a plan for how the rest of this fic will go. Negan and OC will find each other again!


	30. Leagues Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You trust us that much?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! Two chapters in one day! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

**The next day**

You shook James awake. 

“Hey, we should get up. We can check the other houses in the area, see what we can find.” You said groggily.

“Sounds good to me, hand me that?” He asked, holding his hand out towards the half-finished bottle of whiskey next to the bed. 

“Seriously? The sun isn’t even up!” You laughed, pushing it into his hands. 

He took a small swig and passed it back to you. You did the same. 

You both got ready as best you could, arming yourselves so you could handle whatever came your way. You silently stepped out the front door, surveying the area for any activity. There were a few walkers against the fence, moving slowly. You walked up to them, pushing a knife through each of their soft skulls. You nodded at James, who unlocked the gate and held it open for you. He followed close behind you, armed with a crowbar, knife, and a gun on his hip. 

  
  


You moved to the closest house, taking out a few walkers along the way. You pushed the door open, listening closely for any activity. When you heard nothing, you entered. Your face twisted into a disgusted grimace when you were met with a long dead man. He held a gun in one hand, with blood and brain matter splattered on the wall to his right. You shook your head, moving quickly to collect anything you could find in the kitchen. James collected everything useful from the bathroom, and you returned to the truck. 

You did this same thing for each house on the block, putting down any walkers in your way. You collected useful supplies, such as medication, soap, and canned food. You finished searching five houses, returning to the truck to unload what you found. At the end of the street was a house larger than the rest, the only two-story on the block. You walked down the street with James, approaching it cautiously. You silently pointed, and James followed the line of your finger to the recently weeded garden at the side of the house. 

“Someone is inside.” You whispered. He nodded. You drew your gun, ready for whatever was about to happen. You approached the front porch, knocking gently on the door. 

“Hello?” You said quietly, hoping to get someone’s attention. 

“Go away and we won’t shoot!” A woman yelled from inside. 

“We’re not here to hurt you! We have supplies.” You called back, hoping to get her attention. 

The door cracked open, the muzzle of a gun pointing at you. When it widened, you were met with the cautious face of a woman about your age. 

You holstered your gun, raising your hands above your head. James followed your lead.

“Hey, no need for that.” You said in a friendly tone. “We have supplies. Are you hungry?” 

The woman silently nodded, opening the door wider. She pointed the gun at you, causing you to step back nervously.

“Weapons on the ground. Gary!” She called into the house in a half-yell-half-whisper. 

You carefully set your weapons down, hoping this wasn’t a huge mistake on your part. An older man came to the door. He had a receding hairline and tired eyes.

“Who the hell is this?” He asked.

“I’m (Y/N). This is James. We’re on our own. We have supplies.” You said cautiously.

“Pat them down.” The woman said.

You kept your hands up as Gary patted you down. 

“Gary, right?” You asked, trying to sound friendly.

“Yeah. This is my daughter, Jesse.” He said.

When they decided you were both unarmed and not an immediate threat, they brought you inside. You looked up the stairs, noticing a pair of young eyes looking down at you through the railing.

“You have supplies?” The woman asked. “We’re out of food. We’ve been eating nothing but radishes from the garden.”

“Yes, we have food in our truck down the block. You have a kid with you?” James asked.

“Yes. He’s mine.” Jesse said. 

“We’re gonna need our weapons back, but we can get to our truck. We’ll come back with some food you can have.” 

“What’s the catch?” Jesse asked aggressively. “No one does things just to be nice in a world like this.”

“Well, believe it or not, I would hope someone would help us if we were in your situation.” You said. “Let us get you some food, and then we’ll talk.” You said disarmingly.

Jesse and Gary looked at eachother, and then Gary nodded gently. 

“Okay. You go. Knock on the door when you get back.” Gary said.

“See you soon.” You said, nodding to James. You re-armed yourselves, jogging back to the truck. James hopped into the driver’s seat, and you drove towards the other house. You parked down the street to avoid drawing any of the dead’s attention. You put down the nearby walkers, opening the truck to pull out 5 meals and the propane stove. You smiled when your hand brushed over a chocolate bar, assuming Negan left it for you. You grabbed that too, hoping to make friends with the kid inside.

You returned to the door, knocking gently. It immediately opened, and Jesse ushered you inside. This time, she asked you to remove your weapons, no gun in hand. You abided, placing them on the nearby table.

“We have clean water, too. I hope you don’t mind us staying for dinner.” You said.

“No, we would love to have you. Sorry for the poor first impression, you gotta be careful these days.” She said. 

“Understandable. Do you have a place I can set this up?” You asked, holding up the propane stove.

“Yeah, right over there.” Jesse said, motioning to a table. “Why are you guys in the area?”

“We were part of a community not too far from here. The leader let us go, gave us a truck and enough supplies to last a while.” You said, realizing how kind that was for Negan to do.

“Why’d you leave?” She asked.

“Just some differences in opinion.” You said, setting up the stove.

“Must have been some big differences to leave a place with food and shelter.” She said.

~~~~~

You sat at the dining table, with James next to you. Gary and Jesse sat across from you, and the kid, named Gavin, sat next to Jesse. You ate in comfortable silence, occasionally talking about how you ended up where you are now. They seemed like good people, granted they were exhausted and scared. Gary talked about some others that used to be part of their group. Unfortunately, they didn’t make it out of the last town.

“Where are you headed next?” Gary asked. 

“Not sure yet. We’re probably going to find a secure place to live permanently, if we can.” You said. 

“How do you feel about having a few people tag along?” Gary asked. You paused your eating, looking up at him.

“You trust us that much?” James asked.

“Do you trust  _ us  _ that much?” Jesse responded.

“I know when I’m looking at people that need help.” You said.

“We don’t have much to offer you. Gary served in Iraq. I know how to garden.” Jesse said.

“Sounds like you both could be helpful.” You smiled. You looked around, noticing everyone had finished eating.

“Give us a minute?” You asked Gary. He nodded, shuffling Jesse and Gavin into the other room.

“What do you think?” You asked James.

“We have to be careful. They could be psychos.” He said. You thought hard for a second.

“People  _ want  _ to be led. These people are starving. We could pat them down and then keep watch on them until we trust them. Plus, they have a kid.” You argued.

“Okay. We have enough room in the truck for a few extra bodies. I can stay in the back to keep watch.” He said. You looked lost in thought, pulled from your trance when James’ hand cupped your cheek.You met his brown eyes.

“You’re distant.” He said, concern painting his features. “Since last night.” 

“I’m sorry...I just don’t feel right about treating you like that.” You said quietly.

“I asked for it, (Y/N). Yeah I like you, but I can’t stop you from loving someone else.” He said.

“But doesn’t that hurt?” You asked.

“Nothing hurts anymore, sweetheart.” He said, shaking his head.

~~~~~

You called everyone back into the room, standing to shake Gary’s hand. 

“I think we have a deal.” You smiled.

Jesse and Gary hosted you for the night, setting you up in the spare bedroom. You planned to pack up in the morning, headed to look for a place you could call home. You settled into bed next to James, tucking yourself into his side. There was something platonic about it now, no sexual tension present in the air.

“Jesse is nice,” You said, “Pretty, too.” 

James laughed. “You think I’m ready to be a father?” He asked.

“I don’t know, James. You could be nice together.” You suggested.

“Or  _ you  _ could be nice together, but I’d have to watch to make sure.” He teased. You smacked his chest, gasping and then breaking out into laughter.

“You perv!” You laughed. He pulled you close, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles over your hand.

After a long pause, you finally inhaled to speak.

“I’m sorry it couldn’t be different.” You sighed.

“(Y/N), it’s okay. If you ever want a good time you know who to come to.” He said. You laughed lightly.

“It really doesn’t bother you? The whole fucking-without-feelings thing?” You asked.

“Not at all. I respect you and you respect me. Why not?” He asked.

You shook your head. “Maybe I just feel too much.” You laughed. 

“Yeah, you do, sweetheart.” He laughed. You fell asleep with his warm body pressed to yours.

~~~~~

**2 DAYS LATER**

You sat in the driver’s seat, steering the car across an empty stretch of road. James was in the back with your new friends. There was a door leading to the back, which you left open so you could hear.

“There’s a town around the corner, should we try there? We need to fill up anyway.” You asked.

James agreed, and you made the next turn into the town. Thankfully, Negan supplied you with five gas canisters, so you would be okay for a while. You pulled into the town, a small suburb, bumping a few zombies that meandered in the road. Your face lit up when you came across an old auto shop, with a large gate surrounding it.

“Jackpot! As long as no one is inside, this would be perfect!” You called to the people in the back.

You pulled up to the gate, noticing a large horde of walkers inside the fence. “Shit.” You said. There were a lot of them, probably 15 inside the gate. They piled at the entrance, making the gate bow under their weight.

“James, Gary, I need you with me. Jesse, I know you can fight but I need you to watch Gavin.” You said, ducking into the back of the truck and picking up your weapons. You helped James and Gary arm themselves, hopping out of the truck. 

You took the front, stabbing the walkers that were closest to the fence between the eyes. 

“Do we have bolt cutters?” You asked.

“Yeah! I’ll grab them out of the truck.” James said, running back. You pushed against the gate, avoiding the hungry hands of the undead. James returned, bolt cutters in hand.

“Okay! We ready?” He asked.

“Go for it!” You said, readying yourself for the arrival of the walkers.

He clipped the chain on the gate, letting two walkers slip out at a time. Gary killed one, and you killed the other. You continued like this, getting rid of the walkers one by one.

Finally, the last walker was down. The air around you was filled with your exhausted breath. You smiled at Gary and James, considering this a victory. You both carefully headed inside, on the alert for any remaining undead.

“Okay, I think we’re clear.” You said. 

~~~~~~~

**2 HOURS LATER**

You had pulled the truck inside, unpacking any of the necessities you may need. You made sure to keep most of the supplies in the truck, so they could be locked up and ready to go if you needed to leave.

You found a couple cots inside, evidence that someone had stayed here previously. You probably killed them when you arrived here a couple hours ago. You set up a place for food, and Gary was able to hook up the generator Negan gave you. Thankfully, Gary was pretty handy. He helped you get the bathroom running, giving you the opportunity to use a real toilet and have running water.

You locked the gates closed, checking the perimeter to make sure no one would get in. You searched the shop, looking for anything useful. There were two auto-repair bays, and a large waiting room which was now your sleeping quarters. There were some tools in the tool box, and an attic filled with old cables and boxes of files. Your eyes were drawn to the corner, smiling as they landed on an old wooden baseball bat. You picked it up, turning it in your hands.

You carried it downstairs, glancing out the window at the barbed wire decorating the perimeter fence. You climbed down the stairs, looking around for the bolt cutters you used before. You picked them up, along with a pair of heavy gloves, strolling out of the main room with purpose.

“Where you going?” James asked from his spot in a waiting room chair.

You held up the bat, smiling mischievously. He shook his head, smiling back at you.

You scaled the fence, maneuvering so you could press the bolt-cutters against your arm for leverage. You clipped the edge of the coil, listening to the wiry snap. You clipped along the fence, releasing the wire. You jumped down once it fell onto the ground inside the compound.

You worked slowly, wrapping the wire around the end of the bat. When you were done, you strolled inside with your newest weapon.

~~~~~~~~

NEGAN’S POV

~~~~~~~~

I couldn’t fucking sleep for shit. I waited for that phone to ring all night. Now I feel like shit, and I have a real nice headache from all the bourbon I drank last night. It fucking sucks, not having her here. I worry about her all the fucking time. I know she can handle herself, but two people isn’t a whole lot of man power if something goes to shit. Woman power. Whatever.

I had half a brain to go out and search for her, but I have no fucking idea which direction she went. She could be states over by now.

~~~~~~~~

NARRATOR’S POV, 2:00 AM

~~~~~~~~

You sat up from your cot. Another nightmare. You sighed, missing the warmth of James’ body next to yours. You decided it would be better to stay separate, that way James had a chance with someone who might actually make him happy.

You planted your feet on the cold tile, moving to climb up to the attic. You pulled the satellite phone from your bag, dialing the only number you knew.

“This is Negan.” A comforting voice drawled.

“Hi.” You said, voice small.

“Hey, sweetheart.” He said, sounding tired. His words were slurred slightly, a sign that he had been drinking.

“Have you been drinking?” You asked quietly.

“Yeah, doll.” He sighed. 

“Are you okay?” You asked, worried about his well-being. 

“M’ Good, sweetheart. I miss you.” 

“I know.” You responded.

“Where are you?” He asked.

“I can’t tell you.” You said quietly. “We’re safe. We found a place we might stay for a while, a few friends, too.”

“Look at you, you’ll be leadin’ a compound in no time.” He said proudly. 

You didn’t respond, silence stretching between you.

“How’s the boyfriend?” He slurred. You had a feeling he wouldn’t be asking you this if he was sober.

“We decided to break it off, it wasn’t going to work out.” You said.

“He could make you happy.” He said.

“No. He can’t.” You responded.

Silence stretched between you again, full of unsaid words.

“I won’t be able to call you every night.” You said quietly. “I’m so hung up on you, Negan. I can’t keep doing this to myself.” 

“Then come the fuck home, sweetheart.” He argued.

“I’ll call you in a few days.” You said.

“I love you.” You whispered, before hanging up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Honestly I think I have carpal tunnel from typing so much today XD
> 
> A LOT happens in the next chapter, so be prepared!


	31. Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No weapons or I start swinging, grandpa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's what you've all been waiting for ;)

**6 MONTHS LATER**

**“** Okay. There are a lot of us now. I figured now’s a good time to talk about defense strategy.” You sat on the cafeteria stage, in front of 19 people. 

It has been 1 year since your time at the auto-shop. You gathered people along the way, your numbers up almost quadrupling. When you outgrew the auto-shop, you set out to find a bigger place to live. A few towns over you found an old elementary school. You worked hard to clear it out, and set it up with cots. You had survived by planting a decent garden, as well as regularly scavenging nearby towns. Jesse used her gardening knowledge to organize the food growing. 

“We have weapons. We have people designated to be defense if we run into a dangerous situation. Now we need to talk about the longevity of this community.” You continued. 

Somehow, you had become the leader.

It happened naturally. From the beginning you had taken point on everything. It was only natural for people to see you as the leader. 

  
  


“If someone storms in here and threatens us, Anna, Carrie, you take the children to our safehouse. Do you know how to get there?” 

The two woman nodded, pulling each of their children into their arms.

“Okay. What do we  _ absolutely need  _ in order to keep this place running?” You asked.

“A leader.” James responded from the front of the group. He slung his arm around Jesse, pulling her close.

In the past few months, just as you expected, Jesse and James hit it off. They had been spending an awful lot of time together, which made you happy to see.

“Good. And if someone comes here and threatens us, who are they going to kill first?” You asked.

“The leader.” A few people answered.

“Right. If anything happens to me, Gary will be your new leader.” You said. Gary nodded, accepting the position gracefully. 

“If I am unable to be present during an attack, you do  _ whatever is necessary  _ to get me ears on the situation. I want anyone who has a walkie to carry it on them at all times. If anything happens, you turn the volume down and hold the button. That’ll give me ears.” You said. The crowd nodded.

“You will need to know when it is necessary to fight, and when it is necessary to freeze. If you have no shot at winning, you have a better chance at surviving if you submit. Does everyone understand?” You asked.

The crowd nodded again, talking amongst each other. 

“There’s no need to worry, nothing is happening. I just figured we should have this plan in case anything goes wrong. I want you all to be safe.” You explained. Shortly after, you dismissed the meeting and retired to your room. 

Your room was built in one of the old classrooms, a cot set up for you to sleep on. You slumped onto your bed, exhausted from a busy day. You drew your satellite phone from your bag, dialing the numbers you knew by heart.

“This is Negan.” A gruff voice answered. 

“Hey…” You said softly. 

“Fucking  _ shit,  _ doll. I was worried you were out there drooling with the undead.” He scolded. He had a right to be mad. You hadn’t talked to him in over two weeks, busy with other things. 

“I’m sorry..I’ve been busy.” You replied. 

“Where are you?” He asked.

“You know the answer to that.” You replied. He asked you every time you spoke, hoping you would give up your location at some point. 

“How’s..everything?” You asked awkwardly.

“It’s okay, doll. Found this kid stealin’ from the kitchens. I have no idea  _ what _ to fucking do with him.” He said. “Frankly, I want to burn the fucker’s face off, but maybe you have a better fucking suggestion.” He sighed. You were caught off guard, surprised that Negan was asking you for advice.

“How old?” You asked.

“Twenty-four.” 

You snorted. “That’s hardly a kid, Negan. Does he have a girlfriend?”

“I don’t fucking know, doll. You looking for a new toy?” He teased. 

You laughed. “No, asshole. That’d be good to find out. Maybe he’s stealing food for an extra mouth.”

“Fucking christ. If people could stop getting fucking knocked up around here.” He sighed.

“Not like there’s much else to do.” You said, cringing at the implication of what  _ you  _ might be doing in your free time.

You cleared your throat. “People don’t usually steal food unless they're desperate. Especially when you scare the shit out of them with Lucille.” You pointed out. You glanced to your right, eyes landing on your own version of Lucille. You tossed around names for a long time, eventually jokingly naming the weapon “Negan”. You didn’t use the bat to punish your people, but it sure did do the trick when you had walkers to take care of.

Negan chuckled. “Yeah, I guess you’re right, doll.”

“So maybe don’t kill him? Figure out what’s up and take care of it.” You suggested.

“You’d make a good leader, sweetheart.” He sighed.

“I’m glad you think so.” You said softly.

~~~~~~~~

**1 YEAR LATER**

“Alright everyone, thank you for meeting me here.” You spoke to the crowd. “We’re low on supplies, and we have a lot of mouths to feed. We need volunteers for a scavenging trip.” You stood on top of the stage in your cafeteria.

  
  
  


You counted the raised hands, thankful that so many of your members were willing to risk their lives for the good of the community. You picked ten people out, setting up for a scavenging trip to take place in two days.

~~~~~

**TWO DAYS LATER**

You were arming your scavengers. Making sure they had enough food and water for their trip. They planned to stay out for two days, heading out in one direction and finding whatever they could. 

Once the trucks were packed, they headed out on their mission. You were low on any real sustenance, and you had a lot of mouths to feed now.

You hoped they would be back soon with some useful supplies. 

When you first moved here, you had been talking to Negan once a week. Slowly, as you got busier, your phone calls faded. The last time you spoke to him was two months ago. You wondered if he waited for you to call. 

You turned the satellite phone in your palm, considering dialing the familiar numbers. You decided not to. 

~~~~~~~~

**NEGAN’S POV, 2 DAYS LATER**

~~~~~~~~

“What the fuck do you mean someone attacked our outpost?” Negan roared, angrily speaking to his right-hand-man over his walkie. 

_ “There was an attack, sir. I don’t know who fired the first shots. We got two guys down.”  _ The man said over the walkie.

“ _ Jesus fucking christ _ . I’ll be there by tomorrow morning.” Negan said, slamming his walkie down onto his desk. He pinched the center of his nose, sighing irritably.

Negan packed his bag, tossing in a set of white t-shirts and throwing on his leather jacket.

~~~~~~~

Negan was on the road, leading a fleet of trucks behind him. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, anger boiling inside him at the thought that one of his outposts got attacked.

They drove through the night, arriving at the outpost around the time the sun was rising. Negan swaggered out of his truck, dressed in his leather jacket and single glove. He already put on this ‘game face’, ready to give a dramatic (and bloody) speech.

He approached the outpost building, which used to be a rec-center. There were four people on their knees in the center of the linoleum floor, zip-ties decorating their tied wrists.

“Now I  _ know  _ no one was stupid enough to attack my people.” He strolled to the center, Lucille resting threateningly on his shoulder.

No one said a word.

“Injuring my guys? That is a  _ huge. Fucking. No-no _ .” He scolded. “Someone’s gotta pay for that shit.”

“Your guys fired at us first!” One of the men argued.

Negan whistled disappointingly. The room was silent enough that you could hear a pin drop. “Did I say any of you fuckers could speak!?” He shouted, leaning backwards dramatically.

“I’ll give you a break, because I’m a classy fucking gentleman. None of you sons of bitches know the rules around here!” He said with dramatic false-realization.

“This is how this shit will go. You’re gonna take me back to your community. If you’re good, maybe I won’t bash all your fucking heads in. Then, I’ll take all your fucking shit, and I’ll continue to take your shit until you pay back the damage you caused.”

Then, one of the men shouted, escaping his handcuffs and lunging at Negan. He held a small knife, slashing at Negan with all of his power. Negan stumbled backwards, clutching his bicep. Blood seeped through his fingers, evidence that he had a deep cut across his arm.

Two of Negan’s men wrestled the guy back to his knees, shouting for him to get down. They continued to hold his arms, keeping him in place. He panted, nostrils flared with anger.

“Now that  _ shit _ will not do!” Negan shouted. He pointed Lucille menacingly at the man, ready to beat him to death with the barbed-wire bat.

“Cuff them all. Real fucking cuffs this time, shitheads!” Negan shouted. “Get em in the truck. We’re going to pay mommy and daddy a visit.”

Negan’s men wrestled cuffs onto the four scavengers, shutting them up with tape over their mouths. The room was filled with sounds of struggle, the scavengers fighting to avoid bringing Negan into their peaceful community.

Negan stormed away, throwing open the back of his truck in search of a med kit. He quickly bandaged the wound, unhappy with the amount of blood that was saturating the bandage.

He returned to the group of scavengers. “You. You’re driving with me. And if you lead us the wrong fucking direction, I’ll have Lenny here shoot your buddies. It won’t be fucking pretty. We clear?”

The man nervously nodded before he was ushered into Negan’s truck. Negan cuffed his hands to the rail above the door, ensuring that he wouldn’t try to attack him. Then, his men rolled out, preparing for war with whoever they were faced with.

“Nasty cut you got there.” The man said.

Negan picked up his walkie, pressing the button. “Lenny, shoot one of the fuckers in the-”

“Wait! I’m sorry. I won’t speak again, sir.” The man babbled.

“Nevermind.” Negan sighed into the walkie.

“Left up here.” The man directed, leading them to the freeway.

It continued like this for about two hours, tense silence filling the car in between driving directions.

~~~~~~

**NARRATOR’S POV**

~~~~~~

“I feel like they should be back by now.” You said nervously, looking at Gary with worry.

“They’ll be fine.” Gary said, “Be patient.”

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose with impatience.

Your walkie beeped, transmitting a message.  _ “(Y/N). We have a problem. Someone’s approaching quick.” _

“Is it the scavengers?”

_ “Only if the scavengers happened to find 5 military trucks.”  _

“Shit. Gary, get everyone together.” You ran out of the meeting room, sprinting down the hall towards the cafeteria.

“Anna, Carrie!” You shouted. They ran up to you a moment later, faces matching your concern. “Get the kids. Go to the safehouse.” They nodded, rushing away to gather the children and escape.

“We’re under attack! Everyone in the cafeteria!” You ordered, trying to remain level-headed. Everyone looked panicked, glancing around nervously.

“Remember what I said? They have five military-grade trucks. We’re overpowered. Our best chance at survival is doing what they say. Under  _ no circumstances  _ do any of you attack, unless I say so. Are we clear?” You shouted.

The crowd nodded and murmured. People hugged each other. Some were crying.

~~~~~~~

**NEGAN’S POV**

~~~~~~~

“Nice little community you have.” Negan said, rolling up to the gate. Men piled out of the trucks, defending all sides before Negan exited. He yanked the scavenger out of his truck, pushing him towards the gate. The other three scavengers were given the same treatment.

Negan watched an older man exit the front of the school. He marched to the gate, stopping about ten feet from Negan. Negan smiled menacingly.

“Hey there, grandpa!” Negan said.

“What do you want?” The man said.

“I’d like to speak to your leader, seeing as a few of your grand-fucking-kids decided to wound my fucking men.” Negan said threateningly.

“You can’t come in.” He said.

“Well, have it your way pops.” Negan shrugged, pulling out a gun and holding it to the scavengers head.

“Wait! You can talk to our leader. I’ll send her out.” The man said, holding out a walkie talkie disarmingly.

“No weapons or I start swinging, grandpa.” Negan threatened, waving Lucille.

He pressed the button. “We need you out here. No weapons.” The man gritted.

~~~~~~

**NARRATOR’S POV**

~~~~~~

You sat in the cafeteria, lights out. It was silent as a grave, everyone sitting in tense, thick air.

Your walkie beeped to life, breaking the stillness of the room.

_ “We need you out here. No weapons.” _ Gary called. He sounded defeated.

You stood up, addressing your people one last time.

“We’re going to be okay. I will see you all soon.” You said, trying to ease the tension. It didn’t work.

You picked up your baseball bat, heading down the hallway. You heard only the sound of your boots hitting the floor. It echoed like a ghost town. When you arrived at the door, you picked up your walkie.

“Gary. You come in. I’ll come out.” You said.

Gary help his hands out to the sides, turning to come inside. When he reached the door, you met him there.

“You know what I expect of you.” You whispered, catching his hand in yours before swinging ‘Negan’ over your shoulder and pushing the door open.

You stepped out into the warm air, surveying the area. Five trucks. Lots of men with guns.

Then, your eyes landed on the man at the center of it all.

Your heart skipped a beat.

Your feet carried you across the yard to the gate. Negan stood tall, tilting his chin up to regard you down his nose.

You didn’t know what to say, letting a gasp part your lips.

You gently unlocked the gate, holding it open. Your eyes didn’t stray from Negan’s, lost in the hazel of them.

He pushed the man he was holding hostage towards you, letting him through the gate. 

“Let them go.” Negan said softly, eyes glued to yours.

When the men got inside the gate, you quietly told them to wait inside.

Negan took three purposeful steps then, stepping inside the gate. You let it squeak closed, standing in front of him silently.

“Who’s this?” Negan asked, motioning to the bat resting on your shoulder. 

Your face broke into a wide smile.

“‘Negan’.” You said matter-of-factly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know what you thought! I love hearing from you.
> 
> This story is (unfortunately) coming to a close. I see 2-3 more chapters before the finale.  
> I am eternally grateful for all of the support I've had with this story. I've never written anything near this long, and you all have helped me create something I'm truly proud of.


	32. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You really did well for yourself, doll.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo. This is a long chapter. Maybe I cried happy tears, maybe not. I'm not telling.

Negan chuckled, stepping closer to you then. He was within arm’s reach now, shaking his head. He gently took the bat from you, pulling it off your shoulder and setting it down next to his on the fence.

He turned back to you, looking at you fondly. His hand came up to your face, cupping your jaw. You closed your eyes as his thumb smoothed over your cheek.

“Just where I thought you’d be.” He smiled proudly. “How many you got?”

“Just under thirty.” You said quietly.

“Atta girl!” He hooted, smiling and leaning back.

You glanced down then, spotting the blood-soaked bandage on his arm.

“Are you hurt?” You asked, brow crinkling with concern.

“Just a flesh wound, doll. One of your guys got me good.” He said, hooking his finger in your belt loop and pulling you closer.

“Let me address my people. Then you can come inside and I’ll get you cleaned up.” You said.

He smirked. “I’m at your mercy, darlin’.” You laughed, rolling your eyes as you turned to go inside.

You headed inside, flipping on the lights and addressing the group gathered in the cafeteria. You shouted over the crowd.

“Alright everyone!” You shouted. “Everything is okay. There was just a misunderstanding.” You explained.

“They shot at us!” One of the scavengers argued.

“They didn’t know you were mine!” You said back. “I know the leader of this group. His name is Negan. He is the leader of a group called the Saviors. We are good friends.” You said.  _ Friends? Eh, close enough. _

“Negan? Like the baseball bat?” Someone asked. 

“Yes, exactly.” You laughed. 

“A few people got wounded, but thankfully no one was killed. I expect only peace-keeping. If I hear of anyone causing problems with the Saviors, they will have a big problem with me.” You said sternly.

Everyone nodded, although some of them had wary looks on their face.

You approached Gary next.

“Thank you for keeping the peace. I owe you one.” You said, pulling him into a hug.

“I think you have something to work out with your friend, there.” He said.

“Yeah...We have a pretty complicated history.” You cringed. “I’m gonna bring him in now, let me know if anyone gives you a problem.”

~~~~~

You pushed open the front door, feeling like a breath of fresh air when your eyes landed on the burly man in the yard. He looked different, tired, with a buzzed head and a thick beard. His hair had more grey in it than the last time you saw him.

“Come in, I’ll get that wound cleaned up.” You said. He swaggered, but you stopped him with a hand on his chest before he entered. “These are not your people. I’m in charge here. Okay?” You said.

Negan’s tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip, jaw jutting out sideways. His eyes raked over your face, “Your place, your rules, sweetheart.” 

He followed you inside, immediately ducking into your bedroom. He stood in the center, looking at you through hazel eyes as the door gently latched shut. You stood in silence for a second, trying to comprehend the fact that Negan was standing in front of you. Then, like a moth to a flame, he stepped towards you. He wrapped you in a passionate hug, holding you with a familiar strength.

His lips pressed to the top of your head, “I have never met a more stubborn woman in my life.” He chuckled against your hair.

“It’s good to see you, too.” You said, drawing back to look him in the eyes.

“We have shit to work out, doll.” He sighed, rubbing his thumb in firm circles on your arm.

“Let me patch you up, then we’ll talk.” You said.

You pulled a med-kit from under your bed, motioning for Negan to sit down. You gently pulled the bandage off, hearing Negan hiss through his teeth when the wound was finally exposed. It was deep, and definitely needed stitches.

“It needs stitches,” You said, “I’m sorry about this.” You said softly.

“Nothin’ I haven’t felt before, darlin’.” He drawled.

You ripped open an alcohol pad, pressing it to the wound.

“Fucking hell!” Negan exclaimed, gritting through the pain. 

“I’m sorry.” You said.

“No you aren’t.” He quipped. You only responded with a small smile, keeping your eyes trained on the wound.

Once the cut was cleaned, you threaded a needle. You watched Negan’s muscles twitch with pain as you pushed it through his skin. You focused intently, stitching up the wound as best as you could.

“Okay, there. Last part is gonna suck.” You said, opening a nearby bottle of whiskey.

“I think you’re enjoying this a little too much.” He laughed.

You smiled. “You have a lot of shitty behavior to make up for.” You said matter-of-factly. 

“Does this make us even?” He gritted as you splashed alcohol on his wound.

“Not even  _ close _ .” You responded.

You bandaged Negan’s wound, packing it with antibiotic ointment. When you were done, you turned to wipe your hands on a nearby rag. When you turned back around, Negan was standing much closer to you. You saw something in his eyes; fear, that you would reject him, and sorrow, at the fact that he couldn’t take back what he did.

His hand came up to cup your jaw, eyes roving over your body.

“You’re thin.” He said. It was true, you had lost weight and gained muscle since being on your own. His other hand travelled to your waist, thumb rubbing across the hem of your shirt. You fought not to get distracted by his touch.

“Negan.” You said quietly. His eyes met yours, brow creased with concern.

“Come back to me, doll.” He breathed. His face was full of grief. 

There was something earth-shattering about  _ Negan _ begging for forgiveness.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for this...” You replied, gently shaking your head.

“It’s been a year, doll. Please.” He whispered, planting his forehead against yours. He gathered your hands into his, rubbing gently across your knuckles.

“Then help me forgive you.” You said, voice small. You met his eyes again, seeing a darkness in them now.

His hand came to caress your chin, thumb smoothing over the skin below your bottom lip. His eyes watched his thumb, jaw ticking with the clench of his teeth. 

“After you left I kicked all my wives to the curb.” He gruffed. Your eyes jumped up to his in surprise. 

“I couldn’t even fucking look at ‘em. Because they weren’t you.” He paused to sigh. You only stared back, waiting for him to continue. “I got piss drunk every fucking night, was a huge fucking dick to my men.”

“I used to tell you I’m not a good man, but that was just a fucking excuse to treat you like shit.” He sighed, dropping his forehead to your shoulder. “I never fucking stopped loving you, sweetheart.”

You stood silently, letting Negan be vulnerable. After a moment you felt a wetness on your shoulder, realizing that Negan was crying.

“Please don’t slip through my fingers again, doll. I’ll never fucking forgive myself.” He whispered.

“Negan?” You asked after a stretch of silence. He looked up at you through red eyes. 

“Why don’t you stay for the night?” You whispered. 

~~~~~~

Negan ordered his men to return home, and you formally introduced him to everyone. Though there were some wary stares, everyone knew that if you trusted him, they could too. 

You gave him a tour, sensing the pride he felt at learning what you created here. It was late afternoon now, and you were strolling through the greenhouse your people had built.

“You really did well for yourself, doll.” He said, stopping to face you.

“Thank you.” You said, smiling softly. He swaggered into your space then, backing you up against the nearby table. His eyes were dark, flicking down to your lips before they met your eyes again.

“Negan-” You warned right before you lifted you by the waist and sat you on the table. He came to stand between your legs, ducking his head to press a gentle kiss to the skin under your ear. You heard him inhale deeply, savoring a scent he missed for over a year.

“Fucking christ, I missed you, sweetheart.” He breathed, pressing another gentle kiss to your neck. You sighed, snapping your focus to the conversation you needed to have.

“Hey-” You said, guiding his face up so you could look him in the eyes. “I’m not the same girl I was a year ago.” You said softly, pausing to inhale.

“I won’t come running back to you if you fuck up, Negan. I won’t let you treat me poorly.” You said sternly.

“Understood.” He said, moving his face to your neck again.

“Negan-” You said, pushing him back up. “You think you get to have me that easily?” You said with a mischievous smile.

“Doll- I swear to god if you say my name one more time I’m gonna jizz in my goddamn pants.” He said.

You laughed, pushing him away playfully. 

“Isn’t it fun not being in charge?” You asked playfully, hopping off the table and heading out of the greenhouse.

“You gonna peg me too, doll?” He chuckled, following after you.

You giggled. “Don’t give me ideas.”

~~~~~

You led Negan back to your room, grabbing two plates of food before you did. Oatmeal was on the menu tonight, which you didn’t mind.

You sat on your bed, crossing your legs and facing Negan as you ate. 

“We’ve been short on food for a while. My people were out trying to scavenge for some.” You said.

“That turned out well.” Negan chuckled. 

“Do the Saviors want to work out a supply deal?” You asked expectantly.

“Actually, I was planning on asking you to come back with me.” He said. You looked at him with surprise.

“Oh...I don’t know if my people will want to do that.” You said. 

“But it’s not off the table.” Negan said with a small smile.

“We’ll see. No final answers today.” You sighed, placing your bowl on the nightstand. Negan stood then, grabbing behind your knees to pull you to the edge of the bed. He stood between your legs again, smoothing his thumbs over the skin above your knees.

“You giving ol’ Negan another chance?” He asked quietly.

“How many are we on?” You asked playfully. Then, he crawled over you, lowering you onto your back. He laid between your legs, holding himself up by his arms. 

“I know that look.” Negan said, smoothing your hair out of the way and pressing a scruffy kiss to the junction of your shoulder. 

“What look?” You asked innocently, sighing as he kissed up your neck.

“That’s the ‘You’re not getting  _ shit,’  _ look.” He chuckled against your skin.You let out a breathy laugh.

“We have to talk first.” You said, hooking your leg around him and rolling so you were on top of him. He eyed you with arousal, clenching and unclenching his hands to avoid touching you too soon.

“Can’t we talk later, sweetheart?” He chuckled, looking at you down his nose.

“No,” You said, flipping your hair to the other side of your head. “If you don’t treat me the way I deserve, I will leave and not come back.” You whispered against his ear. On your last word, you pinched his earlobe between your teeth. He groaned, hands squeezing at your thighs.

“I need you to promise you won’t hurt me.” You said, flicking your tongue across the patch of skin under his ear. His breath caught in his throat, jaw ticking.

“I promise, doll. I’m gonna treat you right.” He said. He rolled you onto your back, this time, pressing passionate, open-mouthed kisses to your neck. 

“Show me.” You sighed, lifting your chin to give him better access. He continued his ministrations, eventually breaking his kisses to say,

“You know how many long goddamn showers I took?” 

You laughed. “You and righty got well-acquainted?” You asked.

“You have no fuckin’ idea.” He chuckled. He spread his hands across both sides of your waist, pushing your shirt up inch-by-inch. You couldn’t lie, you  _ really  _ missed the feeling of his hands on your skin.

He slid down your body, pressing a light kiss above your hip bone. His lips followed his hands, stopping right below your breasts. When his tongue darted out to flick across your skin you gasped, arching towards him.

“Let me have you, doll.” He cooed against your skin, hands rounding your ribs so his thumbs were just under your breasts.

“Please.” You whispered.

Negan growled, pushing your shirt up to expose your breasts. “ _ Fucking hell _ , nothin’ gets better than you begging for me.”

He didn’t waste any time, flicking his thumbs over your nipples and pushing your breasts together. You moaned at the feeling, sensitive from the lack of touch over the last year.

“So responsive.” He cooed, blowing gently across your skin. Then, he latched his lips to the sensitive bud, swirling his tongue. 

“Oh fuck!” You gasped.

His fingers worked quickly at the button of your pants. 

“Negan-” You panted. “You’re wearing too much.”

Negan lifted up, pulling his shirt over his head. You took in his form, with tattoos and salt-and-pepper hair. You took the time to pull your shirt over your head too, upper body now exposed to his hungry hands.

He gave the same treatment to your other nipple, palming your other breast with his free hand. 

“Negan-” You whined, lifting your hips towards him. 

“Uh uh, doll. I’ll be damned if I’m not gonna pull out every sound that pretty mouth can make.” He chided. You whimpered in response.

You had a moment of self-realization, at the fact that you  _ melted  _ in Negan’s hands. You could be as tough as you wanted, but as soon as he touched you, you were nothing but a whimpering mess.

Negan kissed down your chest, sucking your skin between his teeth to leave a trail of deep purple bruises. You groaned, muscles twitching at the scrape of his beard. When he reached your pants, he gently slid them off your hips. You opened your legs willingly to him, gasping when he mouthed at your skin through the fabric of your panties.

He didn’t tease you much longer, pulling your panties off your legs and guiding your legs back open. He groaned at the sight of you, glistening with arousal for him. His lips found your inner knee, kissing slowly towards where you wanted him most.

“I thought you were the impatient one.” You panted.

Negan chuckled warmly, “I haven’t tasted you in a fucking  _ year  _ doll, I’m gonna savor this.” He drawled. You felt yourself gush at his words. He kissed slowly up your thigh, stopping at the apex to inhale deeply. You felt yourself blush at his actions, squirming under his gaze.

Then, he pressed a soft kiss to your mound. He looked up at you through lust-blown eyes before licking a slow stripe up your slick. You gasped, closing your eyes and turning your head. His tongue swirled around your clit, tearing a breathy moan from your lips. Then, he got to work pleasuring you with his mouth. He plunged his tongue deep inside you before returning to your clit. You felt his fingertip at your entrance, rubbing up and down before pushing inside. 

“Look at me.” He commanded. You felt goosebumps ripple on your skin at his dominance. He thrusted a second finger inside you, stretching you in a way you hadn’t felt in a long time. You raised onto your elbows, watching him pleasure you with his fingers and tongue. 

When he crooked his fingers inside you, you moaned loudly and collapsed back onto the bed. He drove in and out of you roughly, filling the room with obscene wet noises. You felt the pressure of your orgasm, growing unbearable at a blinding pace.

“Oh god Negan! I’m gonna cum!” You moaned, clenching around his fingers.

“Beg for it.” He growled, slowing down his ministrations. 

You laughed breathily, “No.” You laughed, smiling as you writhed underneath him.

“C’mon doll, beg for it and I’ll give it to you.” He cooed.

He was keeping you at a painful edge, the pressure inside you becoming unbearable. You gasped and tensed, almost over the edge. Then, Negan slowed even further, barely moving at all inside you. You whimpered pitifully, screwing your eyes shut.

“What do you say?” He asked.

“Please!” You cried. Negan sped up then, shooting you a cocky grin.

“Please what?” He asked, still smiling.

“Please  _ daddy!”  _ You begged. Negan chuckled before sucking your clit into his mouth, driving his fingers into you at a punishing pace. You felt yourself gush around him, finally coming undone from his touch. 

You writhed underneath him, vision whiting out from the pleasure of your orgasm. When you finally came down from your high, he was grinning at you with his perfect smile.

“There she is.” He said, looking at you with adoration. He peeled his pants off, climbing over you. He looked down between your bodies, fisting his cock and pumping a few times up and down. Then, he looked into your eyes, brushing the thumb of his other hand over your cheek. You smiled at him, reaching up to capture his lips in a searing kiss. You moved your mouths in sync, tongues dancing together.

Finally, you felt the tip of his cock press against your pussy. He pressed in slowly, savoring your tightness. When he was fully seated he groaned, dropping his head to your shoulder. He breathed heavily, pulling out slowly before pushing back in again. You moaned at the way he filled you, cupping his cheek.

He finally showed his impatience, speeding up as soon as you were adjusted. You closed your eyes, basking in the feel of him. It still didn’t hit you that this man was here in your bedroom.

“Look at me.” He cooed, cupping your cheek.

You laid face-to-face, panting breathlessly as your bodies rocked together. Your heart swelled, feeling overwhelming adoration for the bearded savior.

“M’ gonna cum.” He panted, dropping his head to your shoulder again. You stroked your thumb over his cheekbone as his thrusts stuttered. 

“Cum for me.” You breathed. 

Then, Negan groaned, slamming into you one more time before filling you with warm ropes of cum. He collapsed against you, holding himself up by his arms. He spoke into your hair,

“I love you.” He whispered.

You didn’t know what your next words meant for your future, 

But your heart was full,

And it just felt  _ right  _ to respond with,

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Last chapter I said maybe 2-3 more chapters, but I think a few more than that. I'm attached to this story and I have a few more things I want to write into before it's over.
> 
> (Also, OC pegging Negan? No? Okay..)


	33. Cancelled Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If I had it my way, doll, we wouldn’t be leavin’ this room all fucking day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In other words,
> 
> Negan and OC get absolutely nothing done because they can't keep their hands off each other.

_ You were at the schoolhouse. You headed out to the garden, flinging open the door to the greenhouse. Inside you saw Negan, pants down, thrusting into an unknown woman. He kissed her. She smiled. _

_ It was Amber. _

_ She looked at you, and said, “He never loved you.” _

You jolted awake, sitting up and gasping. You jumped off of the bed, smoothing your sweaty hair out of your face. Your eyes were wide with fear, heart pounding.

“(Y/N)?” Negan asked, voice deep and groggy.

“Yeah. I’m sorry.” You panted, furrowing your brow.

“Nightmare?” He asked.

“Yeah..” You said, sitting back down on the bed. 

“C’mere.” He called, sitting up and opening his arms. When you crawled to him, he pulled you to straddle his lap. 

“What was it about?” He asked. The situation was reminiscent of all the times you called him on your satellite phone when you were away. 

You sighed. “You were sleeping with someone else. She looked at me and said that you never loved me.” You whispered.

Negan sighed slowly, hands coming to rest on your thighs. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I did this to you.” He said quietly. You couldn’t see his face, only the vague shape of him in the dark. 

“It’s okay..you know I have nightmares a lot.” You said.

“But how many of them have been about me?” He said quietly. 

You sighed, tipping your head forward to press your forehead to his. 

“I forgive you.” You said quietly. “And I expect that you won’t make the same mistakes again.” 

“I’m so sorry.” Negan said, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close. You laid in his arms for a long while, inhaling the scent of him. 

You slowly dipped your head, running your lips lightly over the skin of his neck. Your arms were slung around his shoulders as you pressed gentle kisses to his skin. You heard him sigh audibly, muscles relaxing a fraction. 

“Let me take care of you.” You whispered against the shell of his ear. 

He didn’t say anything, the only inclination that he heard you in the clenching of his hands on your thighs. You continued to kiss his neck, gently nipping at his skin ever so often. You could feel him growing harder underneath you, so you gently rocked your hips against him. You heard his breath catch in his throat, jaw ticking with tension.

You lifted your head again, joining warm mouths together in a tender kiss. Negan palmed your ass, lifting you closer to him before he laid you down onto your back. He came to lie between your legs, pushing his tongue to swirl against yours. 

You quickly changed dynamics, rolling him into his back so you were straddling his hips again. When you finally parted lips, it was to slide down his body. You kissed across the plane of his chest, leaving love-bites along the way. His muscles twitched under your attention, and you imagined his cock was twitching the same way. 

You stopped at the waistband of his sweatpants, sliding them off his hips until his glistening cock sprung free. Once his pants were off, you climbed back onto the bed until your head rested above his cock. He looked down at you with lust-blown eyes, waiting patiently for your next move.

You wrapped your small hand around his cock, dwarfed by the size comparison. He hissed through his teeth when you ran your thumb over the tip, collecting the wetness that pooled there. Then, you were sliding your hand up and down his shaft in firm, slow strokes. 

“I want to hear you.” You said, realizing that Negan was fairly quiet during sex, save for the occasional dominant growl and his vulgar dirty talk. 

You leaned down, sucking the tip into your mouth and swirling your tongue. Negan’s head dropped back onto the bed, a quiet groan leaving his lips. You slowly kissed down his length, stopping at the bottom to swirl your tongue across his balls. 

“ _ Fuck _ ing hell.” He groaned, thigh muscles twitching with pleasure. 

You licked your way back to the tip, savoring the salty taste of him as you took him into your mouth. You took his cock to the back of your mouth, and then dragged it slowly back out. You sped up your motions, noticing Negan’s hands fisted in the sheets. Your head bobbed up and down, pleasuring him with your warm mouth. 

“Fucking  _ fuck-  _ Doll-“ He gritted, carding his hand through your hair. “Slow down.” He said softly. You released his cock with a wet  _ pop _ , looking up at him. 

“The shows gonna end early if you keep doing what you’re doing, sweetheart.” He chuckled. “Come here.” 

You climbed up his body, straddling him again. He rolled you over, kissing your neck as he rubbed his cock up and down your entrance. You whined, squirming your hips.

Negan chuckled languidly. “You want it?” He drawled. 

“You’re the worst,” You whined with a light smile.

“Sorry doll, I just can’t get enough of you being desperate for me.” He said. Then, he pressed the blunt head of his cock inside you. You were soaking wet, savoring the drag and stretch against your walls. You dropped your head, keening quietly. Negan groaned as he seated himself fully inside you. 

His large hand cupped your breast, pinching your nipple between his thumb and forefinger. You gasped, meeting his next thrust with the lift of your hips. He hummed deep in his chest. 

There was something so languid about his movements, sleepy and tender. He thrusted into you slowly, pressing warm kisses anywhere his lips could reach. Your arms wrapped around him, running your fingers over the hills of his back, enjoying the feeling of his skin. 

“You’re mine.” Negan panted in your ear, “No one else gets to have you like this.” 

Goosebumps erupted on your skin at the possessiveness of his words. You moaned out, spurring him to speed up. You met his every thrust with the lift of your hips, drowning in the pleasure he gave you. His hand snaked down between you, fingers rubbing firm circles on your clit. 

You felt the telltale ache of your orgasm, this time like a gentle wave. 

You let out a breathy, “Oh my god-“ as Negan continued to pleasure you. When he felt your insides flutter around him he gently commanded, 

“Hold it.” 

You keened, struggling to keep yourself off the edge. 

“Relax, sweetheart.” Negan whispered, thrusting into your at a quicker pace. You tried your best to relax, feeling yourself ebb off the edge of your orgasm. 

Negan thrusted quick, moaning deeply as he sped up his fingers on your clit. You felt his cock twitch as he said, “Cum for me, (Y/N).” 

You gasped, feeling your orgasm take hold of you at the same time Negan gave a hard thrust. You writhed in pleasure as he filled you with his warm seed. You laid there, tired breath mingling with his. 

When he pulled out, he rolled onto his back and pulled you into his chest. You rested your head on his shoulder, feeling more relaxed than ever. 

Only minutes later, your eyes drifted shut, and you fell asleep to the sound of Negan’s breath.

~~~~~~~~

You woke to the sun peeking through your windows. Negan still slept heaving beneath you, breath even and deep. He looked more relaxed than you had ever seen him, at peace with the fact that you came back to him. 

“Hey.” You whispered, kissing him on the forehead. 

He stirred, looking at you through hooded eyes.

“Hey doll.” He gruffed, voice even deeper than usual. 

“I have to go take care of some things, I’ll be back.” You said, moving to slide off the bed. Negan’s arm shot out, grabbing you around the waist and pulling you until you fell back down. He pulled your back to his chest, grumbling stubbornly.

You laughed lightly, “Come shower with me?”

“Now we’re talkin’.” He smiled, grunting as he climbed out of bed. You ran away from him, throwing on a robe and grabbing your shower supplies. 

“We don’t have any fancy warm water here. Just the locker room showers. No funny business.” You said, smiling mischievously at him. 

“More reason to come home with me.” He said, pulling on his shirt. You paused, looking out your window. You had people on watch at all times because your perimeter fence was only about six feet tall. You saw a few flashlights out in the yard, brightening up the dimness of the morning dawn. 

Negan came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your center and ducking his lips to your neck. 

“I guess it’s kind of late to ask this, doll, and I’m no doctor, but I have a pretty good idea how babies get made.” He said softly. You expected this question would come at some point, surprised that Negan was ballsy enough to not take any precautions with you. 

“Yeah..I’ve been infertile for a long time. I can’t get pregnant, even if I wanted to.” You responded. He hummed, evidently thinking about something.

“I’ve always been so against having kids.” He said. “Used to give Lucille such a hard time about it. I swear she was about ready to poke a hole in the condom.” He chuckled.

“How do you feel about it now?” You asked.

He sighed. “I think it’d be nice to have a little Negan running around.” He said. You laughed, shaking your head.

“I don’t know about that.” You teased. “The world is so dangerous nowadays.”

“I don’t know, I think I’d be able to make it good for the little guy,” He said, moving his hands to your lower belly. 

“I’m sorry I can’t give you that.” You whispered.

Negan turned you then, catching your chin in his grasp. He turned your face to his.

“Doll, I would rather have  _ you _ than a fucking snot-nosed kid running around.” He said sternly.

“Okay.” You responded, pressing your lips to his in a chaste kiss. “Shower?” 

Negan chuckled, causing you to squeal as he threw you over his shoulder and marched towards the door.

~~~~~~

You stood under the cold spray, head tilted back to rinse the soap out of your hair. Negan silently reached his hand up and ran his hand over your soapy chest. You swatted his hand away, rolling your eyes. Your eyes travelled downward, noticing that his cock was standing at full arousal. You had half the mind to reach out and stroke him, but the water was cold and you wanted to be out of it soon.

You washed your body, continuing to bat at Negan’s wandering hands away.

“You’re ridiculous.” You giggled. 

“I’m a starving man, darlin’.” He chuckled.

~~~~~~~

You returned to your room, dropping your robe so you could throw on some clothes. Negan lounged on the bed with his towel slung around his waist, watching.

“If I had it my way, doll, we wouldn’t be leavin’ this room all fucking day.” He drawled.

You set your shirt down, turning to him.

“I  _ guess  _ my job isn’t that important.” You said, coming to stand between his legs.

“You’re _ only  _ the leader around here, doll.” Negan said, eyes trailing over your naked form. “Nothin’ too important.” He brushed his knuckles along your bare belly, watching goosebumps ripple on your skin.

Then, he stood abruptly, turning and pinning you to the bed. His lips attacked yours, wasting no time devouring you with soft lips. His hands grasped your wrists, pushing them up above your head and pinning them there.

  
“I thought we talked about this.” You chuckled breathlessly as Negan pressed hot kisses to your neck.

“Hm?” He said, clearly occupied by other things.

“The whole obsession you have with dominance.” You moaned, dropping your head back as he latched his lips around your right nipple.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He said with disinterest.

“Watch it,” You giggled as he mouthed down your ribs, smoothing his hands along your sides, “or I  _ will  _ peg you.” You tried to sound confident, but the end of your sentence trailed off in a breathy moan.

“I don’t know if you noticed this, doll, but I’m not exactly _ vanilla _ .” He said, pressing two fingers inside of you. You let out a high-pitched moan, hips writhing under him. He thrust his fingers at a steady pace, warming you up. Words left you for a moment, staring down at him with a furrowed brow and an ‘O’ shaped mouth.

“How’s that, sweetheart?” He asked softly.

“Feels so good.” You said in a quiet, high-pitched voice.

“You ever squirted before, doll?” He asked, curling his fingers in a delicious way. Your head dropped back, moaning softly. You shook your head, biting your lip innocently.

Negan planted his large hand on your lower belly, pressing gently as he drove his fingers in and out of you at a punishing pace. You gasped, a loud moan clawing out of your throat. Your body jolted, room filled with obscene noises as he finger-fucked you into the mattress. 

“Oh-h my g-god!” You moaned, overwhelmed by the sensations you were feeling. All you could do was take what Negan gave you.

“There you go.” Negan cooed, smiling mischievously. You felt a wetness gush around Negan’s fingers, soaking the sheets beneath you. He slowed down, allowing you to take in big gulps of air. You whimpered, overwhelmed by the pleasure you felt.

Negan moved to lie down, pulling you on top of him. He slid his cock up and down your wetness, guiding you to sit down. You tipped your head back, moaning as your body became flush with his.

Negan’s hands landed on your hips, warm and calloused. “Look at me.” He said, carding his hand through your hair when you leaned forward. 

“So fucking beautiful.” He said, eyes trained on where your bodies met. You slid up and down his girth, basking in the way he filled you up so perfectly. You flipped your hair over, looking down at him from the curtain of it.

“Negan-” You whined, feeling the pressure of his fingertips as he guided your hips up and down. You felt your walls quiver around him. He slowed you down, guiding you to lean back so you were on display for him. The angle of his cock felt delicious inside you, causing your body to flush with arousal. You slid up and down at a slow pace, Negan bringing his thumb to brush upwards on your mound. 

“Please-” You gasped, wishing his thumb would brush just a bit lower. 

“I got you.” He said gently, pressing firmly on your clit. You gasped, screwing your eyes shut as your orgasm approached. 

“I-I’m gonna-” You panted hysterically.

“I know.” He groaned, playing your body like a musical instrument. “Show me how pretty you cum.” 

You gasped, muscles tensing as your orgasm overtook you. Negan thrusted his hips upward at a punishing pace, fucking you through your orgasm. Your legs trembled violently, nearly unable to hold you up. When you returned to earth, you were whimpering uncontrollably, and tears were pooling in your eyes. Negan set you down on your back, coming to lay on his side next to you. 

“Hey,” He cooed, carding a hand through your hair, “Breathe, sweetheart. I got you.” He coaxed.

“You need to relax, doll. Can you do that?” He asked, smoothing his thumb over your cheek. You nodded, taking a deep breath as your eyes stayed trained on his. “Good girl.” He cooed as you calmed yourself down. You weren’t sure what happened, but you definitely got overwhelmed by the pleasure he gave you.

“You okay if we keep going?” He asked gently. You nodded. He tsked, “Use your words.”

“Yes sir.” You said quietly.

He growled, sucking a mark near your collarbone as he lined himself up with your wet heat. He pressed inside, groaning and dropping his head. He quickly sped up his thrusts, eyes trained to the spot where your bodies met. He pressed his fingers against your lower belly, feeling himself inside you.

“Jesus fucking  _ christ, _ ” He groaned, clearly enjoying the bump his cock created in your lower belly. 

“Do you trust me, sweetheart?” He asked, slowing his motions inside you. You nodded. He smiled wickedly, climbing your body and straddling your torso on his knees. He flicked his thumbs across your nipples before smacking his cock against your chest.

“Push your tits together, let me fuck you there.” He panted, groaned when you pressed them together around his cock. You felt the wetness of him coat your chest, sliding backwards and forwards between them.

“So fucking pretty,” He panted, tweaking your nipples in between thrusts. Then, his hands replaced yours, pushing your breasts together as he fucked you. His thrusts grew rougher, rocking your body as he lost himself in the softness of you. “Open that pretty fucking mouth.” He commanded, clearly chasing his release.

Then, he growled, fucking himself firmly between the hills of your chest. You opened your mouth, sticking out your tongue as he shot his seed across your tongue and chest.

“Such a good girl.” He cooed, gulping in air as his cock twitched. “My good fucking girl.” He slurred, gathering some of his seed on his thumb and pushing it into your mouth. You greedily sucked it off his thumb, hearing him groan at the act.

He climbed off of you, mopping up the mess on your chest with a dirty shirt. You laid on display for him, arms above your head, basking in the afterglow.

“Doll, if you keep looking at me like that you’re not gonna get  _ shit  _ done today.” He chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Also, I am open to requests for kinks/activities you would like to see Negan and OC do together. 
> 
> Thank you!


	34. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I am putting out an offer to all of you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I am so so sorry for how long it took me to get this out. This chapter is... not that great, to be honest. I haven't been feeling very inspired lately, but I hope you enjoy anyway.

“Okay, this meeting is going to be a difficult one.” You started with a strong voice. You sat on the cafeteria stage in front of your people. “Many of you have met Negan. Many of you know about my connection to him.”

Your people looked at you expectantly. You were alone, asking Negan to wait in your bedroom while you had your meeting.

“Negan has a community a few hours from here. They have over five hundred people. They have multiple outposts, a points system to purchase goods, and enough supplies to last a very long time.” You continued. “It is very safe there. Their compound is surrounded by a twenty-foot fence. They have vehicles, weapons, and an entire unit of people trained to protect people like you.”

“There are rules, which, if not followed will result in harsh consequences. That policy is put in place to ensure the safety of the group. I know that we feel safe here, but it is not a surprise that we are running out of supplies quickly.”

You took a deep breath. “I am putting out an offer to all of you. Negan has agreed that we can go back with him, and assimilate into his sanctuary.”

There was mumbling within the crowd, some people sounding angry, and others sounding reasonable.

“Everyone would be required to take up a job, and work for points. I did it for a long time. Working a regular workweek is ample time to earn enough points to afford food and necessities.” You clarified. “Everyone would be given a shared room, with three to five people in it. They have warm water, as well.” The crowd sounded pleased. “I will be leaving a ballot box at the front of the cafeteria. Everyone please write “yes” if you want to move to the Sanctuary, and “no” if you don’t.’

You answered some questions about the sanctuary, and overall, the consensus seemed to be positive. By the end of the day, you would know if you were going to be moving back in with Negan. You returned to your room, met with Negan lounging on your bed.

“You look comfortable.” You said.

“Your mattress is shit, doll.” He chuckled. “Makes my back fuckin’ hurt.”

“Don’t blame the mattress, old man.” You giggled.

“You hungry?” You asked. 

Negan groaned as he sat up, stretching out his tall body before coming to stand in front of you. He looked you up and down, a darkness crossing his features. His thumb came up to swipe across your bottom lip, eyes watching as your skin pulled slightly under his calloused touch.

“I, am,  _ starving.  _ Sweetheart.” He drawled with a smirk. You laughed, rolling your eyes and turning towards the door. 

“You are insatiable.” You sighed. “Come to the kitchen with me.”

Negan followed you out of your room, heading towards the cafeteria. As you walked past, you noticed a few more people putting their answers in the ballot box at the front. A few of them gave you a look as they saw you with Negan.

You let yourself into the kitchen, and because it was a weird time, there were only a few line cooks chopping up vegetables. You said hello to the cooks, smiling at them. You headed for the dry pantry at the back, hoping to find a snack.

As you approached the door, you felt Negan’s hands land insistently on your hips. He rushed you inside, pushing the door closed and crowding you against the shelf.

“Negan!” You whispered in a scolding tone. Before you could stop him, he was on you. His lips pressed open-mouthed kisses to your neck, hands petting up your sides. You sighed, grasping at his forearms.

“There are people right outside.” You whispered.

“Then you better be quiet, doll.” Negan chuckled deeply into your neck. His lips connected with yours, dominating your mouth with his tongue. He turned you over roughly, palming your ass. His hands rounded your front, unfastening your pants. He slid them off your hips, growling when your ass was exposed to him. He helped your left leg out of your pants, kissing your neck passionately as he guided your toes to rest on a higher shelf. His hands roamed your body, one snaking under your shirt to tweak your nipple. You gasped at the feeling, arching your back. He kept his lips near your ear as he lowered his hand to check how wet you were.

“Think you can stay quiet for me?” He drawled, causing you to shudder. His fingers drew firm, slow circles over your clit.

“Yes, sir.” You whispered. You heard fabric rustle behind you, a signal that Negan was freeing his swollen cock. 

“Negan- What if someone comes in?” You whispered.

“Then they get a good fucking show.” He groaned, pushing inside of you as he spoke. You gasped, which was quickly silenced by Negan’s hand over your mouth. He spoke against the shell of your ear, hands pressing finger-shaped marks into your hips.

“You like this, sweetheart?” He chuckled. “You like me fucking you when anyone could just walk in here and catch us?”

You nodded, lost in the feel of his cock thrusting in and out of you. He pounded into you, showing you no mercy as his other hand groped and rubbed at your body. His fingers slid down your belly, settling to draw quick circles over your clit. You gasped, clenching your jaw and whimpering at the building pressure in your lower belly.

“You gotta stay nice and quiet for me, sweetheart.” He cooed, curling his hips firmly against you. “Want you to cum on my cock.” He drawled, deep voice sending a bolt of pleasure through you. He guided your foot to rest on a higher shelf, opening you up further for him. His fingers circled over your clit, causing you to tense and writhe under him. His thrusts sped up, overwhelming you with pleasure. 

You whined underneath Negan’s palm, breathing heavily and tensing up as your orgasm began to peak. His hips snapped forward and backwards, fingers moving quickly over your sensitive nerves. You fell over the edge. Vision whiting out, body clenching rhythmically around his cock. He gave you two more deep thrusts before groaning as he spilled inside you. You felt warmth fill you as you came down from your high. Your legs shook, breath coming out in gasps. 

“Such a good girl.” Negan drawled as he pulled out of you. He pressed his lips to your neck as he adjusted his pants, putting himself away lazily. You dressed yourself, straightening up to look at the bearded man again. 

You opened your mouth to say something, just as the pantry door swung open. Your eyes went wide as you stared back at one of the line cooks.

Negan smirked lazily, sliding past the young man and into the main room. You blushed heavily, turning to grab a granola bar off of the shelf before skittering away.

As soon as you shut your bedroom door behind you, Negan broke out into bellowing laughter. 

“Shut up!” You scolded, punching him in the arm. He continued to laugh, which caused your lips to turn up in a smile as well. “You’re the worst.” You said unconvincingly. 

“Yeah okay, sweetheart. Remind me of that next time you’re cumming around my cock.” He chuckled. Your cheeks flushed pink, looking at him with fake annoyance. He swaggered closer to you, tilting your chin up until your lips met his. He kissed you tenderly, parting your lips with a flick of his tongue. Your breath caught in your throat as his hand landed on your jaw, a possessive act that made your toes curl.

When your lips parted, he planted his forehead on yours and stroked your cheek lovingly. 

“You think we’ll win the vote?” He gruffed.

“I guess we’ll know by tonight.” You responded.

~~~~~~

You anxiously awaited the closing of the ballot box at nine PM. In the meantime, you tried to keep yourself busy with taking inventory of your stock. It was meager in comparison to what Negan had, with only a handful of weapons and even less ammo.

Negan hung out with you, annoying you the way he usually does. You smiled lightly as you thought about your relationship. You were proud of your progress, realizing that things were actually good between you for once. You had been through so much together, and finally you worked out your issues and began to trust Negan again. Now, you just had to trust that he would keep it that way.

When nine o’clock rolled around, you anxiously approached the ballot box. You brought it back to your office, setting it on your desk. You sighed, turning to Negan who leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

“Shut the door. Sit. I’ll let you know what the results are.” You said nervously. Negan sighed and sat in one of the chairs, regarding you with unknown emotion in his eyes.

You dumped out the folded slips of paper, sorting them into piles of “yes” and “no”. You then made sure each member was accounted for, ensuring that everyone cast a vote. 

You counted the slips in your head, breathing slowly as you did so. You hands stopped moving.

You looked up at Negan, eyes lightening up in an excited smile.

“It looks like you have some new members joining the sanctuary.” You beamed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! As always, I love to hear what you think. <3


	35. AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hi Everyone!!

Sorry for the delay in chapters, life has been pretty hard lately. I've been having a hard time capturing the characters recently, so I've decided to write a mini-story to help me get back into the swing of things. I promise I'll have another chapter to you by mid-February. 

I would rather take my time and have the story feel more natural than force myself to publish when it doesn't feel right.

I'm really sorry for the delay, and I'm so grateful for whoever has stuck around through all of this. I've never written anything nearly this long and complex, and I am endlessly astonished and grateful for the support I have received.

See you all soon! <3

xx


	36. Lose Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Negan- I have had enough."
> 
> OC loses herself when things go south. She becomes someone Negan doesn't like to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooooooo sorry this is so late. Depression has been kicking my ass lately, and it took away all of my self-esteem. I still can't tell if I like this chapter or not. If you enjoy it, please leave a comment to let me know. Also, I send my biggest thanks to all of you who stuck around through all of this. I could not have asked for a better audience. <3

You weren’t going to lie, the last week has kicked your ass. You worked hard to pack up the community belongings, preparing to move them into the sanctuary. You spent most of your time soothing the doubts of your people, and even managed to convince some members that it would be a good thing. The official move was tomorrow, and everyone had finally conceded.

You pushed your hair out of your face, huffing as you tried to sort through your personal belongings. You felt strong arms circle your waist, humming appreciatively when Negan brushed his stubble along your neck.

“Tomorrow’s the big day, sweetheart.” He said. He pressed his lips to your neck, a gesture that he knew made you crazy. You sighed, tilting your chin to give him better access. “Can’t wait to have you spread out on a  _ real  _ fucking bed.”

“Negan- no.” You giggled, turning in his arms. “I have actual shit to do today, I can’t just lay around with you.”

He made a pouty face, before smiling mischievously. You took a step back, eyes widening, finger pointing at him. “Don’t you  _ dare.”  _ You threatened, your humor given away by the laugh that rode on your voice.

Then, Negan dived. You squealed as he threw you over his shoulder, belly-laughing when his fingers found their way into your ribs. “NEGAN! I’LL KILL YOU!” You squealed, trying to twist away from him. He flipped you onto your bed, landing you with a soft bounce. 

“What was that?” He laughed. His fingers continued to poke into your ribs as you gasped desperately. You were laughing hysterically, squirming underneath him. “I’LL-” You wheezed.

“What was that!?” He laughed. He finally let up on his assault, pinning your arms above your head instead. You panted underneath him, head spinning at the quick turn of this interaction. Before you could speak, his lips were on yours. His hips grinded gently into yours, causing you to let out a high-pitched whine.

“Negan-” You whimpered. 

Negan opened his mouth to speak, but he was interrupted by the sounds of shouting down the hallway. You quickly rolled out from underneath him, flinging your door open and running down the hall. You knew Negan was following you, though you didn’t look back. You followed the sound, aggressive shouts echoing through the mess hall.

Your eyes landed on two men near the stage, wrestling each other to the ground and shouting angrily. You identified them before you even reached the tussle, picking out two members named August and John. 

A few people looked on to the bloodshed, gasping when John landed a bruising punch to August’s cheek. Negan was at the fight before you could blink, ripping John off of his enemy and throwing him to the floor. When John went to get up, Negan pointed Lucille in his direction, clipping out, “Don’t even think about it.”

You rushed in front of August, planting your hand on his chest before he could pounce on John again. “Hey- _ cool it _ .” You ordered. He panted and gritted his teeth, but you noticed his shoulders drop a fraction.

You caught your breath, pinching the bridge of your nose before speaking.

“ _ Sit. Down _ .” You ordered, voice dangerous. Both men looked at you with wide eyes, sitting on the floor against the stage. One man touched his fingers to his upper lip, sighing at the blood that came off on them. The other rubbed his temple, aching from the fight.

You turned to Negan, approaching him so you could speak quietly.

“Thank you. Go wait in my room, please.” You whispered.

“Not a chance, doll.” He argued.

“Negan, I’m not asking.”

“You’re also not strong enough to diffuse  _ shit _ like that, d-” 

“Negan- I have had enough of  _ men  _ acting like  _ children.  _ Get out!” You snapped. Negan clenched his jaw and looked at you with dangerous eyes, before stepping back and leaving the mess hall.

The tension in the room was thick, suffocating you. 

“Now who wants to tell me  _ what the hell  _ that was?” You asked, eyes closed and voice even.

Neither of the men spoke for a moment. Then, quietly, August explained. “He told me we were all betraying the community.”

“ _ What?” _ You asked.

He cleared his throat. “He told me we were all betraying the community. By leaving.”

You sucked in a deep breath, trying to reign in your anger. “John?”

“It’s true. You’re all fucking packing up and giving up everything we worked for.” He snapped.

“I am doing what’s best for my community.” You snapped back.

“You’re betraying us!” He shouted.

You stepped towards him, levelling him with a dangerous glare.

“Community meeting. 10 minutes.” You said. “August, you’re with me.” With that, you turned and walked out of the room. You headed down the hallway, stopping at the office to ring the bell that signaled a meeting.

August stood in the doorway awkwardly. “I’m sorry.” He said. You didn’t look up, instead choosing to fix some papers strewn across the desk.

“I don’t care what happened. It isn’t happening again, okay?” You finally met his eyes, meaning every bit of what you said. You made him promise not to fight anymore, and then you returned to your room. 

You opened your door, meeting Negan’s eyes as soon as he was in view. He stood near the desk, arms crossed over his chest. His eyes were angry, in a way you haven’t seen in a long time. 

“We’ll talk when I’m done with this.” You said shortly, grabbing your baseball bat and swinging it over your shoulder.

“Oh  _ yes we will,  _ sweetheart.” He responded with a dark chuckle. You didn’t have any more time to stay and chat.

You returned to the cafeteria, marching in as silence fell over the room. Your bat sat menacingly on your shoulder, more of a symbol of power than anything else. You walked to the front of your people, feeling more powerful than ever. When you arrived at the front, you addressed the crowd.

“It has come to my attention that there is some conflict about staying or going.” You started. “I want to make it  _ perfectly clear _ , that if any of you don’t want to come, you are welcome to  _ stay the fuck here _ .” You continued, eyes flicking to where Negan stood in the doorway, arms crossed. His chin lifted slightly, gazing at you.

“Do we have any problems?” You asked and waited. No one dared to raise their hand.

“Is anyone choosing to stay here?” 

Again, silence.

“I thought so. We move tomorrow.” You said, beginning to leave. You paused in your spot, adding, “And if I see another fist fight, those involved will be staying, whether they like it or not.”

You ended at that, walking out of the room and passing Negan as you did so. You felt him follow behind you, but he didn’t say anything. When you arrived back at your room, you heard the door shut gently behind you.

“Now, what to do with you.” Negan considered quietly. You kept your back turned to him, planting your palms on the desk and hanging your head.

“You’re mad.” You said quietly. Your head was spinning from how fast you went from dominant to submissive.

Negan chuckled darkly. “Oh darlin’,  _ am I ever.” _

“Why are you even mad? I’m sorry I talked to you like that, but these are  _ my  _ people!” You argued, facing him.

“They were two men double your weight, doll.” He argued.

“I can handle it!” You shouted, feeling your heart race with anger.

“You want to know why I’m  _ fucking mad?!” _ He shouted, stepping closer to you.

“Fucking enlighten me!” You shouted back.

“I’m fucking  _ furious,  _ because I saw myself out there in that goddamn cafeteria!” He bellowed.

You staggered back, his words hitting you like knives.

“You acted  _ so much like me  _ out there!” He pushed. “That scares the ever-loving- _ shit  _ out of me, doll.” He stepped the last step towards you.

You didn’t know what to say. Your mind ran through the events of today, realizing the similarities. The anger. The threats. The rigidity. Your blood ran cold.

“I didn’t realize.” You said quietly.

“And I don’t know if I should be fucking proud, horny, or afraid, sweetheart.” He said, scrubbing a hand over his face. You felt the tension in the room relax. “If you’re gonna be my queen, I need you to be better than I am, doll. I can’t have you losing your fucking empathy when shit goes south.” He sighed.

Then, he stepped around the desk, pouring two glasses of whiskey from the bottle on your desk. 

“Do you want to go grab some dinner?” You asked.

He chuckled darkly, taking a long sip of amber liquid. “Oh darlin’, that was only part 1. We haven’t been over your punishment yet.”

“What!” You said in humorous shock. “Don’t be an asshole.” 

“You think now’s a good time to talk to me like that?” He asked as he levelled you with a dark stare. Your heart skipped a beat at the change in demeanor, clear that this situation was in his hands. You cowered, eyes wide. He sighed, slowly placing his glass on the desk. Then, he rounded the desk, stepping towards you threateningly. You backed up, maintaining the space between you. It was easy to slip into the role he molded for you, continuing to step back. When the backs of your knees hit the bed, and you sat down softly. He stopped approaching, looking down at you with predatory eyes.

“Scoot on up there.” He chuckled, nodding at the bed. You did as he ordered, sliding up the bed until you sat in the middle. “Good girl.” 

You felt a chill run through you, growing wetter at his words. You knew he tried to keep his eyes cold, but you could see a spark of desire running through them. 

“Undress.” He said, voice low and predatory.

You quickly obliged, pulling your shirt over your head and shimmying out of your pants. You heart him growl when you rolled your underwear off your hips. He held out his hand expectantly, and you dropped them into his palm. He tucked them into the inner pocket of his jacket, before stepping closer to you. He sat on the edge of the bed, manhandling you until you were situated in his lap. Your knees sat on either side of him, and you shuddered at how exposed you were.

He was fully clothed beneath you, drinking you in like a starving man. His fingers came up to stroke through your folds, gathering the wetness there. You let out a quiet noise in your throat, trying to stay composed. 

Then, he moved his finger back further, dragging the wetness over your tight ring of muscle. You tensed up, clutching at his shoulders.

“Shh…” He cooed. “I won’t let it hurt, sweetheart.” You relaxed at his words, trusting him deeply.

He pushed his finger tip inside, causing you to gasp and tense again. It felt good, but foreign. You had never done this before and it was a new sensation.

“I need you to relax for me, sweetheart.”

You nodded, moaning the next time he thrust his finger into you. He sped up, sending pleasure shooting up your spine. Soon, you were rocking back against him, whimpering in pleasure.

“Such a good girl.” He cooed. You clenched around him, nerves alight with the intensity of it. He pulled his finger out, before flipping you over and tossing you onto the bed.

“What was all this about?” He asked.

“I don’t remember.” You giggled. He chuckled darkly, before tonguing his cheek and shaking his head.

“I do.” He said, eyes following as he slid a calloused palm up your shin. “I know you thought you were getting out of this, sweetheart.” He chuckled, lips turning up in a mischievous smile.

He grabbed your hips, dragging you so your ass was flush with the edge of the bed. You gasped, waiting impatiently for him to touch you. He walked over to your bedside table, rifling through the drawer until he came out with a bottle of lube. You had no idea how it got there, but knowing Negan, he probably had all of this planned. He guided your knees up, pressing them into your chest while you laid on your back. 

“Hold them there.” He said, guiding your hands to grasp at the bends in your knees. It was obscene, the way he had you displayed in front of him while he remained fully clothed.

He wet his fingers, before returning them to your tight asshole. You tensed up again.

“Negan-” You gasped as he pressed one finger inside of you. Your hands slipped off of your legs, letting them drop slightly. Negan tsked, before moving away from you to his duffel bag.

“Such a bad girl today.” He chided as he pulled out a length of rope. Your breathing picked up, eyes widening. He came to stand in front of you, hooking your arms under your knees and expertly tying your wrists together.Your knees were held wide, forced up towards your chest.

“Hey,” He said gently, ducking his head to find your eyes, “You want me to stop, just say the word.” 

You nodded, meeting his lips in a gentle kiss. Then, his fingers were circling your hole again, spreading the moisture around before pressing back inside. You moaned loudly, curling your toes at the sensation. 

“Such a bad girl today,” He chided. “I’m not quite sure what to do with you, doll.”

“I can be good now.” You breathed, already desperate for more.

He chuckled darkly, shaking his head. “Would you like to revisit what you said to me earlier, sweetheart?” Your cheeks darkened, feeling a pang of guilt at the way you spoke to him before.

You meant to speak, but he added another finger, reducing you to a whimpering mess. “Can you take me here?” He spoke, vulgar words toned down by his gentle tone. You nodded, trying to squirm under him.

“Use your words, sweetheart.” He gruffed.

“I- I think so,” You whined, “‘Don’t want it to hurt.” You said quietly.

“You just stay nice and relaxed.” He said softly.

“Okay. Yes.” You said, lips meeting in a searing kiss a moment later. Negan undressed, springing his hardened cock free from his briefs. He coated himself in lube, stroking a few times before returning to you. You were breathing heavily, nervous about what was coming. He seemed to notice this, wiping his hands on a dirty t-shirt, before untying your wrists. He kissed both of your wrists before ripping open a condom and rolling it onto his cock. He rolled you both over, letting you be in control.

You felt him line himself up with your tight hole, pressing slowly inside.

You gasped at the feeling, but it wasn’t painful. It was a unique kind of stretch, but when you remembered to relax, your body seemed to accept him without too much resistance. He groaned, stopping halfway to make sure you were okay. You were unable to speak, completely consumed by the pleasurable feeling. 

He pulled out, tearing a high-pitched moan from your throat. Then, you took it upon yourself to slide down the rest of the way. 

He groaned, dropping his head, “Jesus fucking christ.” 

His hands sat on your hips, letting you take this at your own pace. You started slow, riding him in smooth, slow stroked. You could feel his hands tightening, fighting the urge to thrust up into you.

When you began to speed up, your moans grew louder. Before you could realize, Negan lifted you off of him and rolled you onto your back. He seated himself inside you again, dropping his head to your shoulder.

“Such a good fucking girl.” He said, pulling out to roll you onto your stomach. You were putty in his hands, molding in whatever shape he wanted you. He lifted your hips, and you felt more lube at your entrance. Then, he was thrusting in and out of you faster. His breathing was erratic, fingertips bruising into your soft flesh. 

It felt good, but you wanted  _ more.  _ You wanted desperately for him to touch your clit, to finger you,  _ anything  _ that would bring you closer to orgasm. 

Then, he was pulling out of you. You felt the warmth of his body, hearing him groan as he shot warm ropes of cum across your lower back. It was silent for a moment, the room filled only with the sounds of your breathing.

He kissed along your shoulder, before climbing off the bed. You heard him pull something out of his bag, melting into the mattress as you turned your head towards him. He approached you with a pack of baby wipes, cleaning off your backside and wiping the wetness from between your legs. He cleaned himself, before climbing into bed next to you. He maneuvered you under you were under the blankets as well, tucked into his chest.

“Negan…” You whined quietly, realizing way too late that this was the end of your fun.

“Hm?” He hummed in acknowledgement.

“I’m so..” You whined with frustration. He waited for you to finish. “..I didn’t get to..”

“Good girls don’t get to cum, sweetheart.” He said matter-of-factly. You knew this conversation was over. You nuzzled deeper into his chest, trying to ignore the burning between your thighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. As always, comments make my heart smile. Thank you for sticking around <3


	37. Life Moves Too Fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Today’s the day, sweetheart.” He said softly. “We have some things to discuss.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back!! Sorry for the long wait. I’ve been feeling really insecure about this story, because I know it’s super dramatic and cringey. But, I hope you all enjoy it anyway. <3

You stretched out on the bed, reaching in all directions. You sat up when you realized the empty space next to you. Negan must be up already, probably initiating the move. You toed out of bed, throwing on some loose clothes and smoothing over your hair. It was still early, and the community was silent asleep. You padded down the hallway, listening closely for any sign of where Negan went. You passed by the office, and any of the open rooms. You peeked into the showers, hearing the drip coming off a recently-used faucet, but the bathroom was empty.

Last place you could check was the garden. The sun was just starting to rise, casting everything in a warm, yellow light. There was a set of chairs overlooking the garden, where you saw Negan reclined. He had a cup of coffee in one hand, and you could only see the back of his broad shoulders from your angle. You silently approached, basking in the peaceful silence of early morning.

You had no shoes on, feeling the grass crunch under the soles of your feet. 

Before you even reached him, Negan gruffed out a deep, “Morning, doll.”

You didn’t think you made any noise, but you often forgot how skilled Negan is with defense. He has a very skillful sense of awareness, which you’re sure is the reason he has survived so long.

“Morning.” You said. He passed his mug to his left hand, reaching out his right hand to grab at you. You rounded the chair, placing your hand in his. He immediately pulled you into his lap, situating you sideways across his knees. His hand left yours to wander over your thigh and arm. 

You shifted uncomfortably, realizing the soreness between your legs. 

“Sore?” He read from your expression.

You nodded sleepily, tucking your nose into his neck. You inhaled, enjoying the smell of him. He was freshly showered, with the ends of his dark hair still damp. 

“You smell good.” You said happily, voice small and high pitched. You felt him chuckle, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Today’s the day, sweetheart.” He said softly. “We have some things to discuss.” His tone grew more serious, as if he was trying to broach the subject gently.

“About what?” You asked, lifting your head to look at his face.

His hazel eyes landed on yours, “Marry me.” The corner of his lip turned upward, a sparkle in his eyes.

“No more wives?” You asked hesitantly.

“No more wives, doll. They still live upstairs, but I haven’t touched any of ‘em since you left.” 

“That’s a long time without sex. Especially for you.” You said lightly.

He wrapped his arms around your waist then, ducking his lips to your neck. “Why the fuck do you think I can’t keep my hands off you?” He said against your skin. You giggled, wiggling away from him. 

He kissed up your neck, pressing soft kisses to your jawline, your cheek, and finally your lips. You hummed in appreciation, opening your mouth willingly for him. His broad hand slipping up your waist, fingers digging gently into the softness there. He pulled his lips away from yours, smiling when you chased after him for a moment. He pressed his forehead to yours, white teeth sticking out from the curl in his lips.

“I’m sure you’re feeling some type of way this morning.” He chuckled, alluding to the fact that you didn’t get to cum last night.

You nodded, biting your lip. 

“I got my guys on their way, we’ll pack up your shit and then bring your people over last.” He changed the subject. 

“I just hope there aren’t any more fights.” You said, tucking back into his neck. You pressed your lips to his skin, sucking it between your teeth gently. His hands twitched on your skin as he pulled a sharp breath through his teeth. He seemed to melt under you, tilting his head to give you better access. You continued to kiss at his skin, enjoying his cedar-scented body wash. 

“Darlin’, I’m gonna be hard as a fucking rock in about 30 seconds.” He warned.

“Good, then you can make me cum on your cock.” You said quietly, your tone too innocent for the words. You heard him growl, fisting his hand in your hair and gently pulling so your chin lifted. 

“That’s what you want, huh?” He asked with a smirk.

You nodded, looking at him through hooded eyes. His hand tightened in your hair, letting you know how he wanted his answer.

“Yes, sir.” You whispered.

“You want to milk my fucking cock, until I’m fuckin’ filling you up?” He growled, sending the smell of black coffee in your direction. 

“Yes. Please.” You gasped. His hand lowered, rubbing soothing circles along your thigh. You shifted, spreading your legs a bit more for him. Then, he smiled evilly and pulled away.

“Looks like you’ll have to fucking wait, sweetheart.” He laughed. Your jaw dropped, a groan of frustration coming with it. He guided you off his lap, finishing his coffee in one last gulp.

“Once we get you all moved in  _ I will  _ have my way with you, doll.” He swore. A chill ran through you, and you wondered how patient you could be.

~~~~~~

Negan’s men loaded the last of your supplies into the trucks, leaving your people as the last thing to transport. Negan let you know that there were a few more trucks on the way, which would have enough space to carry your people to the sanctuary. You decided you’d be the last to leave, making sure that there were no last-minute fights. Negan needed to return to the sanctuary so he could facilitate the unpacking.

“I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.” He said, kissing you goodbye in front of his men. He ducked his head, whispering, “Next time I see you, I’ll have you screaming my name until it’s the only word you remember.”

With that, he turned on his heel. Your jaw was open, eyes wide and cheeks pink. He glanced at you before climbing into his truck, letting out a belly-laugh as the door shut. You swallowed around the lump in your throat, turning to go find  _ anything  _ to do.

~~~~

You helped the last of your people load out of the trucks, sensing their nervousness as they stood dwarfed in the factory’s shadow. They were split off into groups, led by Negan’s best men. You gave them all reassuring nods before watching them disappear into the sanctuary. You knew that they would get the run-down, and get their assigned jobs by the end of the day. You pulled at your fingers, nervous that they wouldn’t be happy with their new arrangements. You knew Negan set up a new bunk room to house them, so they would at least all be together. 

Once the field was cleared out, you sighed and let your shoulders relax. You were so grateful for how smoothly Negan made this all go.

“Hey, (Y/N)?” A young man jogged up to you.

“Yeah?” You responded.

“Negan wants to see you. He told me you’d know where to find him?” He asked.

You smiled. “Yeah. Thank you.” The man nodded curtly before heading towards one of the trucks behind you. 

~~~~~~

You made your way inside, jogging up the stairs as quickly as your legs could carry you. You went up one, two, three, four floors, climbing all the way to the roof. It was almost sunset now, and you were surprised you even had the energy to get up all those stairs.

You pushed open the heavy metal door, feeling it catch slightly on a flat, black carpet. Your eyes followed the carpet, which was narrow and covered in..rose petals? Your eyes landed on the farthest edge of the carpet, where Negan stood with a prize-winning smile. Your heart skipped a beat, mind struggling to catch up with the scene.

Negan stood at the farthest edge, with the sunset painted across the sky behind him. He wore a suit, broad shoulders accentuated in the expensive black fabric. There was a bow tie around his neck, left untied. He looked... _ incredible.  _

He held a bouquet of roses, which you have  _ no idea  _ how he acquired. You felt as if you were floating, feet carrying you lightly down the runway. Your eyes began to tear, eyes focused on the handsome man in front of you. 

You walked the last fifteen feet to him, a smile painted across your face as well. 

“Evening, darlin’.” He said, smirking handsomely. 

“Negan..what is this?” You asked breathily.

He chuckled, wetting his lips nervously. “These, are for my hot as  _ shit  _ lady.” He presented you with the roses, which you took gently. You giggled at his less than refined word choice. 

Then, he was at your back, steering you so you stood at the edge of the roof facing the sunset. It was beautiful, pink and orange painting the sky. His arms circled your waist, chin resting on the top of your head. 

“It all started right here, didn’t it.” He sighed. You realized the way your heartbeat quickened, the moment charged with some tense anticipation. “I didn’t think we’d ever make it here, doll.”

You stayed silent so he could continue. 

“All the shit we went through. You’ve been a real pain in my ass, (Y/N).” He chuckled, swatting your ass playfully. You yelped and giggled, trying to arch your hips away from him. 

“I always told you I wasn’t a one-woman kind of guy...It took me too damn long to realize.” He said, shaking his head slightly. His arms tightened around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest. 

“Realize what?” You asked expectantly.

“You’re the love of my fuckin’ life, (Y/N).” He said, almost imperceptibly quiet. Your heart skipped a beat. He pulled away from you then, kissing your hair and saying, “Stay right there for me.”

You heard a very quiet shift, but continued to stay in your place like he asked. You felt like the air was punched out of your lungs, cheeks warm and hands trembling. 

“(Y/N).” He called gently. 

You turned, expecting to see him standing behind you. 

Instead, he was lowered to one knee, a dazzling smile on his bearded face. He held out a small velvet box, which held a shiny golden ring.

You gasped, heart skipping a beat. 

“Will you marry me, (Y/N)?”

You breathed for a moment, trying to allow your mind to catch up with you. 

“C’mon, doll. You’re meant to be by my fuckin’ side.”

“I know.” You whispered.

“Then marry me.” 

“Negan-” You sighed. He immediately looked worried, an emotion that was rare with the bearded savior. When you didn’t respond, he stood up. He stuck the box back in his jacket pocket, cupping your face in his hands. 

You finally took a breath, ready to continue. 

“I’m not who I used to be, Negan. I won’t take your shit, anymore.” You said quietly. A warning. “If you don’t treat me right, I’ll walk away.”

“I’m counting on it, doll.” He said.

You sighed, dropping your forehead to his shoulder. 

“Ask me again in a month.” 

His finger caught your chin, guiding your eyes to meet his. 

“I’m holding you to it, doll.” He warned. 

“Okay.” You whispered. He wrapped you in a big hug, soothing his thumb over your back. 

“I’m so fucking proud of you, sweetheart.” He whispered into your hair. He held you like that for a long time, until the sun was well below the horizon. Then, without saying a word, he guided your chin up and pressed his lips gently to yours. Your brow furrowed, trying with all your might to tell him you love him without saying the words. His large hand cupped your jaw as he deepened the kiss, dominating your mouth with his. 

Your hands came up to undo the top button of his shirt, but he stilled them by pressing them flat against his chest. When your lips finally parted, your pupils were blown and your lips swollen. 

You pressed shy kisses to his jawline, whispering, “You look so good.” against his skin. You pressed your body closer to him, biting gently at the skin under his jaw. You heard him growl, tightening his grip on your hips. 

“Negan?” You asked quietly, against his skin.

“What is it, sweetheart?” He said, voice low and lust-drunk. You lifted your face, brushing your nose gently against his. 

“I want you.” You whispered, eyes trained on his lips. He chuckled then, finding your eyes with his.

“You want me?” He asked. You bit your lip and nodded. He smirked, dipping his head to speak next to your ear. 

“Why don’t you go downstairs, take a nice hot shower, and I’ll meet you there.” He said, words dripping with expectation. 

You nodded, pressing a kiss to his cheek and heading towards the familiar hallways to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I appreciate all of you who have stuck around! Please leave a comment if you enjoyed <3


	38. Ask Me in a Month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “They don’t respect me, not like you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh!!! This story is coming to an end, and boy has it been a wild ride. Thank you for sticking around through my long hiatus. One more short chapter to go.

~~~~~~~

_ “Negan?” You asked quietly, against his skin. _

__

_ “What is it, sweetheart?” He said, voice low and lust-drunk. You lifted your face, brushing your nose gently against his.  _

__

_ “I want you.” You whispered, eyes trained on his lips. He chuckled then, finding your eyes with his. _

__

_ “You want me?” He asked. You bit your lip and nodded. He smirked, dipping his head to speak next to your ear.  _

__

_ “Why don’t you go downstairs, take a nice hot shower, and I’ll meet you there.” He said, words dripping with expectation.  _

__

_ You nodded, pressing a kiss to his cheek and heading towards the familiar hallways to his room. _

~~~~~~~

You rinsed out the last bit of shampoo from your hair, angling your head back to let the water run off. Warm water was a commodity you dearly missed. 

You closed your eyes, rinsing your face under the spray. You heard the shower door open, smiling lightly when strong arms pulled you back against a naked chest. Negan’s hands smoothed up and down your waist, pulling a sigh from your lips. He ducked his head, pressing scruffy kisses to your jawline. You laid back against his shoulder, humming appreciatively.

His hands on your waist guided you to turn around. You met his needy, brown eyes, reading something new from within them. There was no darkness. No need to dominate, no predatory glint. His eyes held nothing but vulnerability and pure love. Your faces were so close that your noses brushed, your lips parted in expectation. 

Negan gently pushed you towards the wall, boxing you in with his large frame. One hand braced him against the wall, the other cupped your jaw. Then, as if moving through honey, he tilted your face up and pressed his lips to yours. 

He kissed you thoroughly, savoring every move of your soft lips, every sigh and breathy moan. He guided your lips to part, tongue gently exploring your mouth. His hands came to your waist, setting your skin on fire as they slowly slid up to cup your breasts. You arched into his hands, giving him the opportunity to press wet kisses to the skin under your jaw. He sucked the skin gently between his teeth, groaning at the gasp that left your lips. Then, he leaned down, grasping your thighs and lifting you. Your legs wrapped around his hips, skin tingling under the touch of his large hands.

When he came up for air, he had a smirk on his face. 

“Been a while.” He chuckled.

“You have no idea.” You responded breathlessly.

“I think…” He mused, just as he lined his hardened cock up with your entrance. “You’ve been such a good girl..” He slowly pressed inside of you then, a smile stretching across his face at the way your brow furrowed and your mouth dropped open. “I’ll take good fucking care of you, tonight.” He gruffed, savoring the warmth of your core. 

Your back was against the cold tile, Negan languidly rocking his hips to meet yours. He was taking his time, ducking his head to kiss your neck. You moaned breathily, clutching onto his neck for support. 

“Negan-“ You breathed, using one hand to cup his jaw. He mumbled a sound of acknowledgment, using his strong arms to lift you up and down on his cock. 

“Feel so good.” You hummed. He pulled out of you, sliding you back to your feet. Then, his lips were on yours again, gentle and tender in a way that is rare to see from this man. 

He shut off the water, drying off with you, and sending you into the bedroom while he finished up in the bathroom. You laid out on the bed, enjoying the vastness of it. You could stretch your limbs without falling off the sides, a luxury you didn’t have in your own community. 

“You look like you’re enjoying yourself.” Negan chuckled as he appeared in the bathroom door. He had a towel slung low around his hips, giving you ample opportunity to check out the tattoos that decorated his torso. 

“It’s better than my bed.” You sighed, smiling softly.

Negan dropped the towel, scooting up next to you and pulling you to lay against his chest. Your hand flattened out against his chest, stroking down his belly. Your fingers trailed lightly over his hardened shaft, and you took note of the way his breath hissed through his teeth. His hand wrapped around yours, flattening your palm over his heart. You made a disappointed noise, earning a chuckle from the savior. 

“You just relax for me, darlin’.” He slurred, flattening his calloused palm over the swell of your hip. He moved out from underneath you, leaning his back against the headboard. He pulled you to sit between his open legs, your back against his chest. His head ducked to press a soft kiss to your shoulder. His warm hands slid up your belly, cupping your breasts gently. When he flicked his fingers over the hardened peaks of your nipples, you gasped. Your hips squirmed, skin rippling with goosebumps.

“That first day I took care of you, when you were in my bathtub,” He reminisced, continuing to roll and pluck at your nipples, “I was massaging your shoulders, your skin got all fucking flushed and reactive...I couldn’t stop thinking about it afterwards.” He chucked the last part, shaking his head lightly. “You’re like a goddamn wet dream.” He proved his point by drawing a gasp from your lips. He continued kneading and teasing your breasts, comfortable silence stretching between you. The room was filled with the sound of your quickened breath, and your quiet whimpers. “You remember that, sweetheart?” He asked, voice a gentle vibration against your ear. You nodded, feeling like your skin was on fire.

He moved downward, humming appreciatively when your legs parted for him. He ran his fingers gently through your lower lips, swirling his now wet fingertips over your sensitive bundle of nerves. You rocked your hips forward, humming quietly. Your arms lifted behind you, fingers knotting into the hair at the base of Negan’s neck. He pressed one finger inside of you, causing your head to drop back against his shoulder.

Then, he was playing your body like an instrument. His fingers stimulated that special spot inside of you, palm grinding into your clit. His free hand teased your nipple again, leaving you a whimpering mess. 

“Do you know when I fell in love with you?” He asked against your ear. You didn’t answer, only able to breathe quickly and tighten your fingers in his hair. “Hm?” 

You shook your head, wanting desperately for him to speed up. Your orgasm was growing steadily in your belly, but you needed  _ more. _

“That first fight we had, when you fuckin’ screamed at me for not being honest with you.” His fingers swirled over your clit in firm circles. “No one had the balls to pull that shit with me.” He chuckled. “And then you fucking let me have it.” 

His fingers sped up, causing your muscles to tense and your legs to quiver. Your breath was coming in quick pants now, toes curling with anticipation. 

“You wanna cum, sweetheart? I can feel you fucking quivering.” He said, gentle admiration in his voice. You nodded, knowing that words were too difficult right now.

“Let go for me, (Y/N). Let me see how pretty you cum.” He whispered. Your chest was heaving with heavy breath. “C’mon, sweetheart. Cum for me.” 

His words pushed you over the edge, white-hot pleasure overtaking you. You writhed in his lap, your hand covering his to adjust his pressure. Your knees closed around your joined hands, hips rocking through the end of your climax. Negan whispered words of praise the whole way, telling you how beautiful you are. You stilled in his lap, basking in the afterglow. Negan stroked over your arms, and pressed his lips to your shoulder.

“That first time we fought, I had this image in my head. I knew you’d be able to keep me in line, you had me wrapped around your goddamn finger.” He chucked. “I wanted you to be my queen, to lead with me. To be the voice of reason when I fuckin’ lose myself.” 

You listened silently to his words, thinking about how much he’s improved in his openness. He gave you a gentle push, signaling for you to let him up. You slid out from between his legs, stretching out on the bed. He climbed over top of you, smiling gently before ducking his head to your collarbone. He kissed slowly up your shoulder, your neck, your jaw, and landed on your mouth. Your kiss quickly became heated, warm bodies pressed together. Negan rocked his hips into yours, swallowing your moan with his lips.

“Negan.” You sighed. His eyes found yours, lust-blown and full of love. You looked into his eyes for a few breaths. Then, in an intimate whisper, you said, “You are the love of my life.”

His face softened, crow’s feet wrinkling. He lined his hardness up with your entrance, slowly pushing inside. As he did so, he whispered back, “You are the best fucking thing in this shithole world.”

Your bodies rocked together languidly, enjoying the space you shared together. 

“‘Wanna cum with you.” You said softly. 

Negan chuckled at that, replying, “You gotta hold it for me then, doll.” You nodded in response, biting your lip.

Negan picked up his pace, leaning back so that his fingers had space to work against your clit. Your mouth dropped open, brow furrowing. Your chin raised, looking deeply into Negan’s eyes. 

“You wanna cum with me, huh?” He smirked. “Let your needy little pussy milk my cock?” He slurred, voice even deeper than usual. You moaned in response.

He sped up even further, increasing the pressure on your clit. Your moans grew louder now, muscles tensing. He leaned forward, so he could speak in your ear.

“Relax your body.” He cooed. “Focus on how good it feels.” 

You relaxed your muscles, feeling the way your orgasm approached differently than usual. The approach was slow and steady, growing increasingly more pleasurable. A hot flash rippled across your skin, pleasure becoming nearly unbearable. 

“Hold it for me, doll.” He said, slowing down his fingers and speeding up his thrusts. His breath was ragged, skin covered with a sheen of sweat. 

“You ready, sweetheart? Cum with me.” He growled, increasing the speed of his fingers until you were pushed over the edge. He followed a second later, groaning at the way your pussy clenched around him. 

“Jesus fucking christ.” He cursed, emptying inside of you. You both caught your breath, still connected at your center. He peppered your neck with sweet kisses, stroking a thumb over your cheek. When you finally caught your breath, he rolled off of you and went to the bathroom. He came back with a damp towel, which he cleaned both of you off with. 

You laid limply on the bed, heart swelling with adoration for the man in front of you. He climbed back onto the bed, and pulled you into his chest. 

It was silent for a long while, you both lay in the dim light and listened to your breath. You felt Negan shift, carding his hand through your hair.

“What are you thinking about?” You asked.

He took a deep inhale, before sighing out.

“You came back to me.”

~~~~~~~~~

**1 MONTH LATER**

~~~~~~~~~

“Does everyone understand?” You asked, finishing up an orientation speech. You stood in front of a room full of newcomers, making sure they knew how things worked around here. The group let out a less-than-excited “yes”.

“Great. Now everyone get in line, you'll get your ID numbers and be evaluated for your jobs.” You ushered the group to line up in front of the table, handing them over to the placement supervisor. 

You left the room, heading up the stairwell. It was early afternoon, and Negan was likely in a meeting.

As you climbed the stairs, your walkie beeped to life.

“ _ Got a meeting in 5, doll. _ ” Negan said through the static-filled radio.

You replied, heading up to the meeting room. When you got there, you quietly pushed open the wooden door. You thought you’d see some other saviors inside, but instead there was only Negan. He sat at the head of the table, lounging with his feet up. Lucille was lying across the center of the wooden table. 

“Hey!” You said when you met Negan’s eyes. “Everything okay?” Your brow furrowed, worrying that you did something wrong.

“Hey doll, you’re not in trouble.” He replied, planting his feet on the floor. He stood and pulled out the nearest chair, motioning for you to sit. You looked at him with concern, knowing that his tone was more serious than usual. He sighed before continuing.

“We caught some fucker stealing from the commissary yesterday.” He said. 

“What are you gonna do?” You asked. 

“ _ I’m _ not gonna do anything.” He added, adjusting in his seat. “I want you to handle it, doll.”

You were silent for a moment. 

“They don’t respect me, not like you.” You argued.

“Rome wasn’t built in a day, sweetheart.” He responded. You sighed, but didn’t reply. “I have a plan for how this shit is gonna go.”

You waited for him to continue.

“It’s no surprise that I’m the fuckin’ bad guy here, doll. These people piss their pants at the sight of me. You lead next to me, and there’s a fuckin’ voice of reason. People are more likely to listen just out of sheer gratitude that you’re not gonna bash their fuckin’ skulls in.” He explained. “It wouldn’t hurt to have some good fucking PR here, doll.”

You considered his proposal. “And when someone doesn’t listen?”

“Then they get to have a little chat with Lucille here.” He drawled.

You continued to think. You had experience with leadership before, but not with so many people. It was no secret that this compound was much different from the one you once led. You took a deep breath, looking up at Negan again.

“What did he steal?”

Negan smiled with pride.

~~~~~~~~~

You took a deep breath, standing at the entrance to the boiler room. You steeled yourself, slipping into a role that presented as confident and sure-footed. The community was called together for a meeting, standing on the lower level of the room you were about to enter. Negan turned around, focusing his hazel eyes on yours. 

“Let’s fucking do this, sweetheart.” He said with a charming smile, kissing your forehead.

With that, Negan swung Lucille over his shoulder, and you followed him through the door.

Negan swaggered in front of you, stepping into the role he played so well. You both came to stand in the center on the upper platform, as each member of the community dropped to their knees.

“Well ain’t that a pretty sight,” Negan drawled to the crowd, “It’s enough to make my goddamn cock hard!” He exclaimed, leaning back for emphasis.

“Some of you may know why the fuck we’re here. Someone, had their  _ grubby little hands, _ in our commissary. Taking what isn’t theirs. Now I’m sure you all know this, but stealing is a big “ _ oopsie-daisy _ ” around here. That shit is un-fucking-acceptable.”

You listened to Negan speak, feeling disconnected from your body for a moment. It was a strange feeling to be standing up here with him. 

“Bring our ‘man of the hour’ up here.” Negan commanded. A savior escorted the thief to the top platform, forcing him to kneel beside Negan. He had a look of terror on his face, body tense and shaking.

“Now, I’m feeling fuckin’ generous today. Lucille here is feeling a little frisky,” He said, caressing his baseball bat, “but I’ve decided to edge my lady a little longer.” He laughed, swinging Lucilled to rest on his shoulder again. “Today is your lucky-fucking-day. This beautiful lady standing next to me is (Y/N). ‘ _ Hi (Y/N)!’ _ ” Negan exclaimed, cupping his hand next to his ear to signal for the group to say hello. They parroted his greeting.

“(Y/N) here is way more fuckin’ understanding than I am. And, being the kind man that I am, I’m going to let her decide your punishment today.” You saw the man’s shoulders relax slightly. 

Then, the floor was yours. You stepped forward, putting on your “leader” voice.

“Hello, everyone. Some of you know me, but for those who don’t, I’m (Y/N). I’m Negan’s...partner. We know stealing is against the rules, yet sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. You, what is your name?” You asked the man kneeling beside you.

“M-Mike.” He replied.

“Mike. I don’t think we’ve met. It’s nice to meet you.” You responded.

“Now Mike, I’m sure you’re aware that stealing is against the rules, yes?”

He nodded.

“There must have been a good reason for you to steal, knowing the consequences that come to those who do.”

Another nod.

“What was that reason, Mike?”

“My girlfriend...she’s pregnant. She needs extra food.” He said, voice trembling.

You knew this was where he was headed. He was caught stealing a bottle of prenatal vitamins and some protein bars. 

“Congratulations.” You said softly. “It’s a mean world. I trust that you’ll do whatever you need to keep that baby safe?”

He nodded again. You turned to the crowd.

“Stealing is often born out of desperation. Whether it be to save yourself, or a loved one. I don’t know many people who would put themselves in Lucille’s path for a pack of cigarettes. If you are one of those people, who would steal from the commissary for your own selfish desires,” You paused, “ _ I cannot protect you _ .” The room was deafeningly quiet.

“Mike here, stole from the commissary to feed his girlfriend, and get her the vitamins she needs. I don’t see an act of self-fulfillment here. I see a man who wants to feed his family, and didn’t have enough points to do so.” Mike had tears in his eyes now.

“Does that sound right?” You asked him.

“Yes.” He said.

“Where do you work, Mike?”

“The auto shop.” He said. 

“Not enough hours at the shop?” You asked.

He nodded.

“I’ll see to it that you get assigned a second job. What you stole will be deducted off of your paycheck.”

Mike whispered, “Thank you.”

“And Mike?”

“Yeah?”

“This is your one and final warning. If you steal again, your child will grow up without a father.”

He gave a quick nod, but seemed more relaxed than when he was first brought up. You turned to the crowd again.

“I do not want to see this happen again, am I clear?” You asked the room. There was a rumble of affirmations. “Good. If you need more points, come to me. I will make sure you get more hours. If you decide to steal instead of coming to me, I cannot guarantee your fate will be as fortunate as Mike’s.”

You felt proud of your performance. A balance between empathy and sternness, and enough threat to keep people in line. 

“You can find me by asking any savior. If I’m not available, you can leave them a note with your name, ID, and room number on it.” You glanced over at Negan, who gave you a curt nod.

“You are dismissed.” You announced, turning to walk through the door you came from. 

When you got through the door, Negan pulled you into a big hug. He spoke against your ear, “I’ll be up in five. Then we’ll talk about that hot-as-fuck performance you just gave.” He was smiling. You nodded before heading up the stairwell.

~~~~~~~~

You looked through Negan’s dresser, seeking out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. You heard the door open behind you, shutting with a gentle click.

Turning, you met Negan’s proud eyes.

“Who knew my sweetheart had such huge lady-balls!” He chuckled. “Well I knew that already, but  _ hell  _ woman, if that didn’t make my cock twitch.” His hands landed on your waist, a light smile on his face. 

You laughed, shaking your head.

“I did good?” You asked.

“You did perfect, doll. You’d make a perfect fucking queen.” He said softly. He kissed you gently and slowly, pulling you close. When you parted, he had that little black box in his hand again.

He flipped open the box, displaying the golden ring. You met his hazel eyes.

“Marry me, (Y/N). Be my queen.”

You took a deep breath, trying to let your brain catch up to the present.

“Negan…” You said softly.

He awaited your answer.

“I would love to.” You said, lips parting in a bright smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going up now <3


	39. THE END

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I can't believe it. If you've stuck around, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Over the next few months, a lot changed. You worked hard to keep these people happy, teaching them that you and Negan did everything to keep them safe. There was a lot of work to be done in order to repair their views of him, but it was a slow process. 

You balanced him, his rage, his impatience. You breathed compassion into his leadership wherever it fit. The iron sat cold more often, replaced with problem-solving and rehabilitation. It was a rare occasion for the iron to be heated, or Lucille to be dirtied with human blood. Those times were not easy, only the truly malicious standing on the receiving end. 

You and Negan argued with passion, and loved with even more so. There were times your disagreements led to screaming matches, about making the wrong calls or sending the wrong messages. Your make-ups always held more intensity than your anger. There was a lot you still needed to learn, feeling dwarfed by Negan’s years of experience. He kept telling you that you’d get there one day. 

~~~~~~~~~

Negan called a meeting in the mess hall, to speak about an upcoming outpost trip. He let you know he would meet you there in fifteen minutes. You entered the room alone, meeting the crowd of people. The room was filled with the cacophony of voices, chatting amongst each other. The chatter quieted down as people turned their attention towards you.

As silence fell over the room, you watched a man at the front of the crowd drop to his knees. Then another, and another. Each member of the community knelt for you, not out of fear, but out of respect. Your reverence was evident on your face.

You stood in front of this community- 

_ your _ community, 

and you smiled. 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for making this journey so wonderful. I have never written a story of this length, and I had no idea what this would grow into. Please leave me a comment, letting me know your thoughts. Hearing from you was my favorite part of this journey.
> 
> X Edensong


End file.
